I’m going to post about deciding to stop breast feeding because I couldn’t find hardly anything at all about deciding to stop breastfeeding on the web. As much information as there is on the web, some topics are very hard to find!
I decided to stop breastfeeding after a month and while I was considering it, I searched the web extensively. While there is a ton of extremely helpful information on breastfeeding on the web, it is all centered around solving any problems you might have, not in making a decision one way or the other. (And if it is about making a decision, they spend pages and pages telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child.) There’s also no information about, when you decide to quit, exactly what you are supposed to do. Stop cold turkey? Gradually phase it out? I did find three pages of information on stopping breast feeding:
- Ending breastfeeding. This poor woman had obviously already decided to stop breastfeeding (a hard decision!) and the expert answering her email first questioned why she’d made the decision. The expert did answer her question about how to stop breastfeeding and said to gradually wean the baby by cutting out a feeding every day or two.
- Life After Weaning: Ending the breastfeeding relationship. This was actually the most helpful webpage. It’s an excerpt from a book and actually talks about both the physical and the emotional effects on the mother and the emotional effects on the child. (Note that the emotional effects on the child tend to be largely those that breastfeed for several years. It doesn’t talk about the effects on an infant.)
- ending breastfeeding….what happens? This was a very short discussion between moms about what happens. Like the previous article it suggests weaning slowly and points out that you should never completely drain your breasts if you want your milk to dry up.
Deciding not to breastfeed is a very hard decision because while nobody says it’s wrong not to breastfeed, the minute you become pregnant you are inundated with literature and people telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child and offering all sorts of support. (In particular the hospital staff and nurses were awesome. They were extremely supportive, very helpful and offer all sorts of free services to help and encourage nursing moms.) And when I asked friends and family what they thought everyone was very careful not to say anything one way or the other. Although all offered support either way! And many pointed out that there are plenty of healthy children and adults who were not breastfed.
So why did I decide to quit? It wasn’t health reasons, it wasn’t because I couldn’t nurse Caleb and it wasn’t because Caleb wouldn’t nurse. (Those seem to be the “acceptable” reasons to give for stopping breastfeeding.) I quit for many reasons, although it basically boiled down to the fact that I didn’t like it. Here are the reasons I didn’t like it, pretty much in order of importance to me:
- Time. It was extremely time consuming. During the day Caleb wanted to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours. And he ate for 30 minutes. So that means that 25-30% of my waking day was spent feeding him. That’s a lot of time! And planning around that is very difficult. (And it’s really hard to pump milk so that you can leave him with someone else for an hour or two when you are already nursing all the time. We ended up using formula in those cases and Caleb didn’t seem to mind going back and forth at all.)
- Worry. I was always worried he wasn’t getting enough to eat (why did he want to eat so often!) or that what I was eating or drinking might affect him. (How many diet coke’s should you drink? Probably none, right? So what about the two you just drank?) And it turns out he probably wasn’t getting as much in the afternoon as he wanted because he’s much less fussy now. But the doctor said he was getting plenty because he was sleeping 4-5 hours at night and gaining plenty of weight.
- Sore nipples. A month is a really long time to have sore nipples. And yes, he was latching on and eating correctly. I think just feeding him 30% of all waking hours made them sore. I’m sure eventually they would have toughened up.
Of course I have doubts and regrets. Most of them centered around the health benefits. Breastfeeding is supposed to help kids’ immunity and decrease their long term odds of obesity. Those are the two I worried about the most. But I’m confident that there are lots of other factors that also influence Caleb’s health and the two of us being happy is one of them! (I realized I never talked to him when I was nursing him except to wake him up continuously and to ask him if he was done yet. When I feed him a bottle I talk to him the whole time and it’s fun!)
I feel a little bit like I’m airing my personal diary in this post, but I wanted to make the information I found available to others and I wanted to add my own experience and decision to the pool of knowledge so that others might feel more comfortable making a decision one way or the other.
Thank you. Thank you..Thank you!
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I have been breastfeeding for the past 5 weeks and also supplementing with formula. I have had sore nipples almost the entire time. I now have and intraductal yeast infection. (infection in the milk ducts inside the breast.) I am so frustrated. It seems I never get any sleep, the baby is still not latching on properly and therefore not getting enough milk. I am now in the process of weaning. Thanks for your website it has helped me feel better about my decision.
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Thanks everyone for your posts.
I have been emotional for the last couple days going back and forth on deciding whether or not I want to continue breastfeeding my 1 week old. Like others have said, with the pain it causes, I have dreaded feeding him and rather than it being a time for us to bond, it’s just a time that makes me miserable. Many of my family members are also uncomfortable around breastfeeding mothers, so it makes it hard when they come to visit. I either watch their uncomfortable faces, or go in the other room and be unable to enjoy their company, when they are here to help and celebrate having our new baby! I don’t enjoy being constantly leaky and wet, and having to wear a bra around the clock just to not get milk all over everything. It is not relaxing at all, and doesn’t make me a happy mommy for either of my boys. It’s still a hard decision to make, but it’s good to know there are others having similar feelings.
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I just want to say thank you for this post, I am a mommy to be in a very short while and can’t decide what is right for me and my baby and I have been leaning toward Formula Feeding for the simple fact I just don’t FEEL like breast feeding and have gotten bashed BADLY for it for not having a good enough excuse I guess??
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I’m very late on this discussion but I thought my experience worth sharing as it might help someone else some day! My daughter was born after a straight forward birth and fed fine straight away but after a few days I gave up breastfeeding- the usual reasons -bleeding nipples, crying baby, had no idea what I was doing,I knew nobody who had breastfed so had no advise (did have a midwife out 3 days running but that was no help) and basically completely panicked. So swapped to bottles and my diligently fed my daughter with bottles until she was about 10 weeks. At this point I started to research more about infant feeding (I know it seems crazy- why didn’t I do this before I had the baby!) as my daughter seem
ed to be gaining weight more quicky than the other babies and I was worried I was over feeding her (I was told by countless health visitors that I wasn’t and that you can’t overfeed a baby – I now know this to be untrue). Anyway, following my research I decided to have another go at breastfeeding (felt so guilty having quit) and set about getting my daughter back on the breast, I had to use a hospital grade double pump every few hours, take suppliments, use a SNS (a device with tubes that attach to the nipples-that you pump formula through to encourage baby to the breast)> It was a monumental effort that went on for almost 6 months during which time I had some success and was able to feed my daughter for some feeds (but never exclusively). However, all of this came at such a cost- I was a breaking point, I was on anti depressants, convinced I was a terrible mother and I’d got it all wrong and probably ruined my daughters life by formula feeding her- and even worse – overfeeding her. My daughter is now over four years old (Im happy to report a healthy, average sized, smart child) and I still worry about this and I still google regularly to read other peoples breastfeedig stories to reassure myself that Im not the only one who found it difficult-that I’m not the only mother who found breastfeeding almost impossible. I try to be the best mother I can every day (I have since had a son and breastfed him for 7 months- so much more prepared second time round). But I find it very difficult to leave this behind and it’s great read the other stories and the support on this posting.
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The many comments are wonderful. I am a mother of 2 (an 8 week old and a 22 month old). I felt like I was all alone in wanting to stop breastfeeding. I had an emergency c-section and didn’t get to see my son for a day or so and he was started on formula and we have supplemented very minimally since. My son is very fussy and he doesn’t rest well. On the rare ocassions he has gone to the babysitter, he had formula and rested very well and seemed much happier. I’ve wanted to stop breastfeeding for months, but as soon as I make up my mind to stop he has a good day and I feel guildy. This is suppose to be the most exciting time of my life, but it’s not! My son nurses every 2 hours and between nursing, I’m trying to get a little rest and find something to eat or drink to keep my supply up. (Oh yeah, forgot to mention, having to take Reglan to increase my milk supply) Spending so much time nursing or preparing to nurse leaves very little time for anything else. I find myself grumpy, crying, and often impatient with my 22 month old who I feel is being left out of what could be a wonderful experience. Today I said that I am going to begin the weaning process, but I’m so guilt ridden, I’m not sure if I’ll go through with it.
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I forgot to add, my nipples have been SORE for 2 months!!!!!
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I just wanted to say thank you for all of the posts. My son is 13 weeks old and I struggled for the first 9 weeks. Getting over the pain with the nipple shield for 6 weeks. Then realizing the dairy in my diet was causing some issues. I stopped using the nipple shield cause all the books say so. Also cut dairy out of my diet. The doctor diagnosed him with reflux and put him on zantac at 2 months old.I also wasn’t producing enough milk because of changing from the nipple shield and had to start trying to pump. This poor little boy has been through more in his little life than my oldest did by the time he was three years old. I feel tired and stressed about feeling tired and stressed. He’s a wonderful little baby, finally gaining weight and smiling and giggling. Beautiful little boy and the best thing I can give him is a mommy who can take care of him. I think the guilt will always be there because I’ve come this far, but I’m just so tired and would rather deal with the guilt rather than the stress. I hope everyone makes the best decision for them..and doesn’t think that they are bad mommies and not good enough because of anything that they go through. It makes you a better mommy to make the hard decisions for you and baby!! Good luck to everyone!
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THANK YOU for this….I was having the same issues researching this on the internet….my baby is 5 weeks and I just started to stop nursing her, because I decided crying through every feeding ( really…EVERY feeding) due to REALLY sore nipples was not acceptable. YES I have seen lactation counselors and YES she is gaining perfect weight. I think it’s just my anatomy. The few times I have given my daughter formula, we are both more relaxed and engaged in each other…..it’s like we are both struggling through the breast feeding! Appreciate your post, it helped me not feel so alone!
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Very helpful! Thank you so much for writing about your experience.
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I know this is old but was so helpful & made me feel so much better. Thank you for your honesty & for the info.
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Thanks for posting this. I found it really helpful. I breastfed for 5 months (my plan was for 6 months) but even then I found the Health Visitor looked like she dissapproved when I told her he was totally on formula. I know it’s good that they try to encourage women to breastfeed (since Breast is best)but I think the fact that you tried in the first place is a marvellous thing, when some women don’t even try it at all. I know how you feel. My baby was feeding every two hours for 20mins which then increased to every 45mins but the length of time between feeds was only 3 hours by then! It was consuming my day and buying a fancy breastpump didn’t help as then your day is also taken up with pumping/feeding/pumping/feeding!
My baby gradually didn’t want to feed from me anymore and his bottle feeds went up. I still fed him at night until he started to sleep through and then I decided to drop the morning feed (which increased to 1hr 20mins!!) and now give him formula instead. I was suprised at my guilt pangs for swapping to formula but I know I shouldn’t feel that way besides my baby made the decision to change to formula.
Feel proud that you did your best and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad Mum. I’m lucky that the milk has been gradually drying up too. I think if you do it slowly and introduce more and more bottle feeds, your breasts wont engorge and the milk will dry up.
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correction to my comment- I meant the length of feed increased to 45mins
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Hi,
Thanks for your post, I would like to add I was happy breastfeeding in the beginning and thought would continue for 6 months. My daughter is 3 and half month when I decided to go on formula(felt very guilty and did alot of research yet was very emotional doing it) since she would be restless in the night as she didnt get enough milk(and yes I know about growth spurts but it was weeks of restless nights), and I felt I was nursing her all the time. It was either for comfort/hunger/tired/sleep. I tried to do alot of things(breast pump but she wouldnt accept the bottle nor the dummy) which the health visitor suggested then I decided to swap(she cried for half an hr but after that when she realized that I am not giving in she now accepts bottle as well as dummy), now my daughter Anika sleeps through the night and sleep better during the day as well. Travelling has become easier as well and we both enjoy more play time, sharing a bath, swimming etc. I did get a disapproving look and some lectures but I ignored it. I have nursed my baby well and hopefully she will have a good immunity system, I was a bottle fed baby and I feel I am pretty immune to common illnesses. I think it should be a mother’s decison how they would like to feed their baby and its nothing to do with being a bad mum if they bottle feed(which I feel is much more a balanced diet than my breastmilk esp when I used to eat junk). The most important thing is to be happy and enjoy motherhood and show your baby your affection. For me to make her quit at this age was much easier, since the older the baby is the more difficult the parting is. Whatever it is, I do salute mums who can carry on breastfeeding for a year or so, for me I think 3 1/2 months was good enough (enjoyed it and now enjoying it more). I love you Anika.
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oh my goodness THANK YOU for this post. it is 1am and i am crying because I want to stop breastfeeding, for the exact reasons you posted, and I feel AWFUL and have not found any helpful information or support to make me feel any better. My little guy would nurse for HOURS all day all night and I am just sooo tired and so sore. I also coulndt pump due to the constant nursing and used formula, which he loved and drank in like 8-10 minutes and would sleep much longer after having it. This post made me feel so much better knowing that moving away from breastfeeding for reasons other than extreme health concerns is normal and shouldnt be frowned upon the way it is. so, again, thank you so much!
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Like everyone else on here I have been struggling to come to terms with giving up breastfeeding. I’ve gone back and forth so many times and have felt extremely guilty for not choosing to feed my daughter “the best”. I’ve already started the weaning process and Sophie could not be happier with the formula…took to it like a duck to water. (she actually takes naps now instead of nursing all day!) Thank you for sharing this!!
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A great post, thank you!
I’m the Mum to a happy healthy 12 week old who is entirely bottle fed (combination of 80% expressed breast milk and 20% formula). I’ve been pumping breast milk for pretty much every feed since she was 4 weeks old. I too have no ‘excuse’ to stop other than I’m finding it difficult. Funny how it’s ok to stop if there’s a medical reason but not ok if you just decide you’re done. I found she was a happier baby and better sleeper once I could ensure she had enough milk (why don’t breasts have a volume gage?!). I felt bad about stopping with breast feeding and switching to bottle feeding, even though it was still breast milk, and now I feel bad about switching to all formula.
After a lot of searching on the Internet and a lot of inner searching, I think I’ve finally been able to realise that it is my choice, and I choose the way that ensures I can provide the greatest amount of love for my child because it’s love that counts most.
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Thanks so much for posting this – as everyone else has mentioned, there is no support for moms that just struggle emotionally or from sore nipples which in my opinion is a medical reason to stop. My daughter is 4 weeks old today, she latched well in the hospital, but only fed every 5-6 hours. She went from 15-20 minutes on each side to only 4-5 minutes on each side over the course of that first week.
By the time we had our home visit the poor thing had dropped a whole pound and had became terribly jaundice and lethargic. I gave up on taking her to breast and started pumping to try and get her as much milk as possible. I discovered that my milk supply ever 2-3 hours was only 1 ounce, no wonder she was jaundice and lethargic! So I jumped through all the hoops to increase my supply. I started on fenugreek – popping 10-12 pills a day, I drank massive amounts of water, made sure to nap as much as possible, heating pads, massages, you name it, we did it.
After a couple days with barely any change – we were forced to start supplementing her. She gets about 1.5-2 ounces of mommy milk per feeding and another 2.5-3 ounces of formula. The biggest problem I have is that it takes me about 15-20 minutes to pump my measly 2 max ounces every 2-3 hours. I have a baby that only feeds every 3-4 hours, which means we’re not in sync. Its like the most evil schedule ever. I’m either pumping or I’m bottle feeding – that is my day.
I’ve gotten to the point where I feel I just need to stop. I’m exhausted, the stress of not making enough milk depresses me to no end, and despite having a ton of guilt about taking away the mommy milk, I think having a mom that isn’t depressed and strung out from exhaustion is WAY more beneficial than the alternative.
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Susan Reply:
July 4th, 2010 at 7:13 am
I am going through exactly the same thing. “Breast is best” keeps going through my head but pumping up to 8 times a day, 45mins- to an hour each time is exhausting, especially when I only get about 40-80 ml. I’m on medication to help and there is also a concern about that going into my milk. I just feel so guilty, but I agree that a relaxed mum that can play and comfort her child is more importnant. People say that babies that are breastfed are smarter and healthier, but my husband was formula fed and has no health problems and has three university degrees!. I was breasfed and have asthma and had skin problems.
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I am a mother of a 9 1/2 month old and still breastfeeding. This article was very helpful in the questions that I have had for some time now. I’m only a little concerned about weaning, as I LOVE breastfeeding, enjoy the time with my daughter and don’t really want to give it up. The only reason that I plan to is to get pregnant again. I only plan to breastfeed her for a year, but I am already grieving letting that time go with her. I know that it will free up a lot more time, but that wasn’t a huge issue for me, as I am a stay at home mom. I love the bond between my baby and me. It’s such a blessing and God really produced a miracle when he made milk from the breast. Thank you again for this article, as I am not as nervous now about weaning at a year and I have more of an idea how to do it! Praise the Lord for His goodness and mercy to all of us!
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It is so hard to get over feeling guilty for not breastfeeding or stopping breastfeeding. My daughter is now 9 weeks old. She ate only breastmilk for the first three weeks of her life. She only ate about 2oz then. My days were spent nursing, pumping, nursing, pumping and NOT sleeping. Nursing was more difficult then I ever thought. In the hospital the LC gave me a nipple sheild or guard whatever you want to call it because I had short nipples. My little one was having trouble latching on. So they told me to wear it and then my nipples would get longer as nursing went on and then to stop using it. What a pain that thing was… I had to hold it on and make sure it didn’t slip while the baby nursed. My little girl would nurse for an hour. I would stop at an hour because I could sit there hunched over anymore. She constantly fell asleep (at night so would I)during feeding.
Okay so the nipple sheild was hard. I pumped a few oz at a time and my husband would get up once at night and feed her a bottle so I could sleep a little. She did fine with a bottle and slept better after a bottle of breastmilk. I am guessing she wasn’t getting enough while nursing for an HOUR. At three weeks my step son came for two weeks in the summer. He is six. I was not comfortable breastfeeding in front of him. I didn’t want him going home to his mom talking about seeing my boobs all day long. I tried to cover up but with holding the nipple sheild and trying to switch breasts it was just a mess. I couldn’t go in the other room all the time and leave him by himself when my husband was at work. So the baby started getting a bottle for more feedings. Then even after an hour of nursing, she was hungry. We introduced formula at this point after nursing. She began to get formula after every feeding due to hunger.
Finally we went out to dinner with our friends (5 other couples, four of which has babies this summer, all breastfeeding!) I talked to my good friend, who was pregnant with her second and breastfed her first for a YEAR without every using formula, about my trouble feeding and my feelings feeding. She made me feel a little better about crying when feeding because your so tired! I went home and threw out the nipple guard. This made things so much easier when feeding but now I can’t produce enough milk.
To sum up to where we are now my production has all but stopped. I am only pumping an oz at a time. Far less than the four she eats at every feeding. My little one has eaten up all the frozen supply I started working on right away after she was born and she is on special Nutramigen formula because she has tummy troubles.
I know she its getting hardly any milk when I nurse her now. I know my production has all but stopped completly but I still pump and nurse her. She eats probably only four oz of breastmilk a day. My husband says its okay to stop. But I still feel guilty and haven’t completly given up eventhough nothing is coming out.
We go to the doc tomorrow and I am looking for him to tell me its okay to stop. Even if he doesn’t, reading about all of your breastfeeding adventures has been comforting.
My husband nor I were breastfed. We both have good jobs, healthy weights (except for the baby weight I am working off) and love our children like crazy. I think my baby girl will be okay without breastfeeding for months more.
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stormy Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 11:13 am
My stepson was also 6 when I was breastfeeding. One day I was feeding the baby and he came and sat next to me and asked if he could hold the baby. I said, “Sure, as soon as he’s done eating.” My stepson grabbed his own chest and said “There’s FOOD in there????” He was absolutely disgusted!
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Maria Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Sophie and I only made it to 5 weeks and then we quit breastfeeding. I also felt EXTREMELY guilty about it. I was worried she would hate me for it, that she wouldn’t be healthy, that something would go wrong and it would be all my fault for not breastfeeding. Sophie’s now 4 months old, completely formula fed and absolutely the happiest, healthiest baby ever. And mommy’s happy too!
Mommies who bottlefeed love their babies just as much if not more than mommies who breastfeed, because we have to give up breastfeeding and deal with the fallout. 
Hang in there… and just tell yourself that you need to do what’s best for you and your daughter, and if that’s formula then that’s ok. good luck!
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I have been breastfeeding for 6 weeks and I am exhausted my little one is up every 2 hours to eat and I really need some rest! I produce enough milk but I too am annoyed with leaky boobs and bras 24/7. I really wanna stop at 2 months.
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I’d like to say thank you for this site. I have been struggling for days on weather to stop breastfeeding or not. My daughter is just over 2 years old, and I was unable to breastfeed with her. I went through the same feelings with her as I am with my 3 week old son. With my son I’ve been trying Fenugreek, but with no success (except for smelling like maple syrup). Ever since my son was born he’s been supplemented with formula after each feeding. I’m getting a bit tired spending 1 1/2 hours per feeding just to have him want to eat an hour later. I stress about the time, and the benefits, and what society says is best. My husband tries to make me feel better, but it’s hard. The one thing that helps me feel better is the fact that breastfeeding has not been a success on either sides of my family. My mother and both grandmothers were unable to breastfeed, so I feel that it’s an anatomy issue. Still… it’s a hard decision. I truly feel that there should be more support out there for women who make this decision, and not cold shoulders. Thanks again for this site.
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