I’m going to post about deciding to stop breast feeding because I couldn’t find hardly anything at all about deciding to stop breastfeeding on the web. As much information as there is on the web, some topics are very hard to find!
I decided to stop breastfeeding after a month and while I was considering it, I searched the web extensively. While there is a ton of extremely helpful information on breastfeeding on the web, it is all centered around solving any problems you might have, not in making a decision one way or the other. (And if it is about making a decision, they spend pages and pages telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child.) There’s also no information about, when you decide to quit, exactly what you are supposed to do. Stop cold turkey? Gradually phase it out? I did find three pages of information on stopping breast feeding:
- Ending breastfeeding. This poor woman had obviously already decided to stop breastfeeding (a hard decision!) and the expert answering her email first questioned why she’d made the decision. The expert did answer her question about how to stop breastfeeding and said to gradually wean the baby by cutting out a feeding every day or two.
- Life After Weaning: Ending the breastfeeding relationship. This was actually the most helpful webpage. It’s an excerpt from a book and actually talks about both the physical and the emotional effects on the mother and the emotional effects on the child. (Note that the emotional effects on the child tend to be largely those that breastfeed for several years. It doesn’t talk about the effects on an infant.)
- ending breastfeeding….what happens? This was a very short discussion between moms about what happens. Like the previous article it suggests weaning slowly and points out that you should never completely drain your breasts if you want your milk to dry up.
Deciding not to breastfeed is a very hard decision because while nobody says it’s wrong not to breastfeed, the minute you become pregnant you are inundated with literature and people telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child and offering all sorts of support. (In particular the hospital staff and nurses were awesome. They were extremely supportive, very helpful and offer all sorts of free services to help and encourage nursing moms.) And when I asked friends and family what they thought everyone was very careful not to say anything one way or the other. Although all offered support either way! And many pointed out that there are plenty of healthy children and adults who were not breastfed.
So why did I decide to quit? It wasn’t health reasons, it wasn’t because I couldn’t nurse Caleb and it wasn’t because Caleb wouldn’t nurse. (Those seem to be the “acceptable” reasons to give for stopping breastfeeding.) I quit for many reasons, although it basically boiled down to the fact that I didn’t like it. Here are the reasons I didn’t like it, pretty much in order of importance to me:
- Time. It was extremely time consuming. During the day Caleb wanted to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours. And he ate for 30 minutes. So that means that 25-30% of my waking day was spent feeding him. That’s a lot of time! And planning around that is very difficult. (And it’s really hard to pump milk so that you can leave him with someone else for an hour or two when you are already nursing all the time. We ended up using formula in those cases and Caleb didn’t seem to mind going back and forth at all.)
- Worry. I was always worried he wasn’t getting enough to eat (why did he want to eat so often!) or that what I was eating or drinking might affect him. (How many diet coke’s should you drink? Probably none, right? So what about the two you just drank?) And it turns out he probably wasn’t getting as much in the afternoon as he wanted because he’s much less fussy now. But the doctor said he was getting plenty because he was sleeping 4-5 hours at night and gaining plenty of weight.
- Sore nipples. A month is a really long time to have sore nipples. And yes, he was latching on and eating correctly. I think just feeding him 30% of all waking hours made them sore. I’m sure eventually they would have toughened up.
Of course I have doubts and regrets. Most of them centered around the health benefits. Breastfeeding is supposed to help kids’ immunity and decrease their long term odds of obesity. Those are the two I worried about the most. But I’m confident that there are lots of other factors that also influence Caleb’s health and the two of us being happy is one of them! (I realized I never talked to him when I was nursing him except to wake him up continuously and to ask him if he was done yet. When I feed him a bottle I talk to him the whole time and it’s fun!)
I feel a little bit like I’m airing my personal diary in this post, but I wanted to make the information I found available to others and I wanted to add my own experience and decision to the pool of knowledge so that others might feel more comfortable making a decision one way or the other.
I sincerly believe every mum can nurse as long as she wants to. At first, nursing my newborn ws difficult, bt i understood it was all the difficulties that comes with been a mum.breast milk is the best for our babies and infant formula try to fill that space, but doesnt do that completely. My baby is now 4months old and am stil breastfeeding exclusively. I pump and give her nanny who feeds it to her when am not around. And am very happy doing this because my baby looks veri fresh and robust. Shes gainin weight by the minute. Its comes with sore nipples and all the likes, bt i tell you! It gradualiy goes away. Mothers please try more.
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stormy Reply:
March 4th, 2012 at 9:33 pm
Every mom can *NOT* nurse as long as she wants. Luckily, our children will still be strong and healthy.
I’m glad it worked well for you.
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Hi – you have obviously not read the comments that everyone has posted in response to Stormy Corners decision to stop breastfeeding. You are very lucky to have a Nanny not sure if its a Nanny as in Grandmother or someone you pay to assist in the care of your child. Just think before you say things, my first child it took 5 and a half months for sore nipples to go away, my second child life was just crazy I cried all the time and was in horrible pain. Mothers have the right to choose how they look after their children, how dare you openly criticise those of us that stop breast feeding. Oh how I wish it had only been sore nipples. I was so angry reading your comment and was all set to let fly but you are just another silly mother who thinks she has the right to judge other mothers because you can do something some of us cannot. I started this reply to your comment trying to justify why I made my choice and you know what I don’t have to justify my choices as a parent to anyone. It was the right choice for me and that is what matters. This article by Stormy Corner and all the related comments got me through what I can honestly say was close to the lowest point in my life. How dare you try to make it seem like the decision was made without regard to what is best for our children. Silly Silly person you are for being so narrow minded I certainly hope when you come to a hurdle in the role of mothering your child and need to make a decision that rips you apart inside and no one can fix for you that someone like you is not on the sidelines judging you, for what is right for you.
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Cantor Reply:
April 29th, 2012 at 2:15 pm
You are perfectly right, Angela.
Ibiso’children will not be healthier than yours. She simply naïvely believed LLL’scrap. Lots of people do.
B Milk is not a bad thing, but it does not, in any way, has the power to impact a child’s health.
IQ, allergies, interpersonal skills…crap crap crap..
How could people believe that? Simpletons.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/
So please Angela, do not loose your precious time being upset with Ibiso…she does not know any better…
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Cantor Reply:
April 29th, 2012 at 2:16 pm
Sorry, mistake….I meant “it does not HAVE the power to impact a child’s health.”
(not my mother tongue..)
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Im about to be a mom in about 6 weeks and i dont know how long i want to breast feed alot of the older generation has told me to do it for a year, but my friends that have children say its pretty hard and they only did it for some odd weeks befor switching over, i just wanted to say your post has given me a little more confidence in knowing that it is my desicion and if i dont like it i can stop, cuz all i hear about is how im GOING to breast feed and how good it is. But ive never heard any one say, ITS OK TO STOP! So thank you!!
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This post was very helpful…my daughter is now 6 wks old and I am considering stopping breastfeeding. This has been a very hard decision for me, as I (like everyone else) continually hear about how good breastfeeding is for your child, blah blah blah. It is good to hear other’s decisions about stopping. I have truly given nursing my wholehearted effort, but it’s getting silly. I do not make enough milk…after consulting with numerous lactation consultants, my pediatrician, and my OB/GYN, I am still only able to make a couple of ounces at a feed and my daughter obviously needs much more than that. Add the making of formula, the cleaning of bottles and pump parts to the already very time-consuming process of breastfeeding, and I have not been able to really enjoy my daughter for trying to keep up with her feeds. I hesitate to stop breastfeeding for emotional reasons…including feeling like a failure. I talked with my husband about my decision and really needing someone to tell me “it’s okay to stop”, so thank you to all for posting it publicly on the internet, that yes it IS okay to stop.
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“Breastfeeding is supposed to help kids’ immunity and decrease their long term odds of obesity. Those are the two I worried about the most.”
This was NEVER seriously scientifically proved.
So it might be that you did breastfeed for NOTHING.
LLL is a lobby. The so-called benefits of BF have been largely overrated.
No antibodies pass from mother to baby’s blood through breasfeeding. We differ from animals at that point of view. The antibodies can only act locally, in the digestive system. The only proven BF added value is a slight protection against gastroenteritis. See Kramer study on 17000 babies. Kramer consider BF as a positive thing, but clearly states that the former studies mentionned by LLL were biaised.
It is sad that so many women suffer or experience guiltiness because of LIES.
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I am a mother of 3 children, all of which I breastfed and one that I am still to this day. When I became pregnant at the young age of 17 with my first child I knew that I wanted to be the best mother I could be and had decided while pregnant to have natural child birth and to breastfeed, although that went against how I was taught…My mother was taught by her mother to bind the breast after delivery and that during childbirth drugs were the way to go! LOL But I knew that was not for me. My Natural delivery was in a hospital setting but the nurses and doctors at the S.F. Hospital were very pro-natural childbirth and it went awesome, was a great first experience
But after I had my son, I did not have much help with BF, sure the nurse came one time to help me out but I needed help all the time! I thought the pain would NEVER go away…I nursed my son for a month and a 1/2, just as he was really getting the hang of it (I had one joyful painless breastfeeding moment I’ll never forget) then I gave him a bottle so I could have a datenight with his dad and from then on he’d rather have the bottle. I gave in too easy:( I waited ten years to have another child, this time more mature, married, and more educated…I read books about the Bradley Method and really KNEW what I wanted with this Delivery and was determined to BF, took an Awesome class on NCB and BF…And that’s exactly what I did. I had my 2nd son at a Birthing Center Completely Natural, Best Experience Ever! The Mid Wife and Doula were awesome with helping me get started and also my sister-in-law was very helpful as well! It helps to have a Good Support System. A Pump is a Must especially starting out so you don’t get engorged, nipple cups and lanolin help greatly. If one was more sore than the other I would pump the sore one and only nurse on the good side until I could switch…I just really stuck it out because I KNEW that’s what I wanted to do. I chose this Not Only because of the Supposed Benefits which are great BUT because I knew I wanted to be a Stay@Home mom, it was also the more Cost Efficient thing to do, and MOSTLY because I wanted to Experience the Personal Bond that I’ve heard is so amazing…Which Amazing is not even the right word, it’s priceless, overwhelming, something no one else can experience But YOU and YOUR BABY…I think what I love most are the EYES that look up at you, it’s different than when you feed a bottle, those EYES are Just for MOM 
) My little man weened himself when he was 18months and I was ok with it, a little sad, but he was ok so I was ok….Now with my Last Baby, who was our surprise little girl I thought I’d never have, she just turned Two Yesterday, and let me tell you, she Still Loves the Boobies! And because she’s my Baby and my Last I am having a Difficult time giving it up myself. She is a very smart, independent little girl, growing fast, starting to talk, and yet when she wants to nurse she is a just a baby to me. It’s funny because I used to think it would be Crazy to nurse this long before and Never thought I would and Even looked down on Someone I know for nursing her son til he was 2+…but now that my lil girl is Already 2years Old!! I am ashamed of myself for ever judging someone else because now I understand why…of course I only feed her in the Privacy of our own home but when I admit to friends that I AM still nursing her, I see the look of Judgement on their faces, like WHY?? They try to understand BUT I know they don’t…This is why I looked up this discussion today because I am having such a hard time with the thought that I might actually have to pick a Day. The Day I say No More, or have that LAST Feeding, the last time I will breast feed one of my precious babies for the REST of my LIFE…will it be the perfect moment? It makes me sad. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t mind having my boobs back to myself and of course my Husband wouldn’t mind them back either, Thank God for his patience. I just wish she was like my 2nd Son and just ween herself! I didn’t even know our last feeding was our last feeding, it was on a camping trip when I put him to bed in our tent, and the next morning he never asked for it again…Simple…this time not so simple…well that’s my story….I guess I should have just started my own Blog, not much of a comment really. LOL
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Thank you so much for writting this. My baby is turning one month old this week and I am so done with breastfeeding. I hate the way it feels and the mess it makes, I have to use a shield because I have flat nipples. We are an on the go family and I refuse to nurse in public, I am just not comfortable with it. And we have four other children ages 1-6 so having to sit for 30 minutes and feed one is just not an option with other small children running around. But every where I looked for help all I got was “keep trying” or “why won’t you keep it up” So thank you for making me feel not alone in my decision
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Thank you for your post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I just stopped breastfeeding at three months. I used both formula and breastmilk. I never made enough milk, and felt like a failure. The hardest part is knowing that I won’t be able to look down at that sweet connection the same again. It tears me up, but I know that moving on is the right thing. Society has added a TON of guilt to my decision.
Great post.
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