Deciding to Stop Breastfeeding
I’m going to post about deciding to stop breast feeding because I couldn’t find hardly anything at all about deciding to stop breastfeeding on the web. As much information as there is on the web, some topics are very hard to find!
I decided to stop breastfeeding after a month and while I was considering it, I searched the web extensively. While there is a ton of extremely helpful information on breastfeeding on the web, it is all centered around solving any problems you might have, not in making a decision one way or the other. (And if it is about making a decision, they spend pages and pages telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child.) There’s also no information about, when you decide to quit, exactly what you are supposed to do. Stop cold turkey? Gradually phase it out? I did find three pages of information on stopping breast feeding:
- Ending breastfeeding. This poor woman had obviously already decided to stop breastfeeding (a hard decision!) and the expert answering her email first questioned why she’d made the decision. The expert did answer her question about how to stop breastfeeding and said to gradually wean the baby by cutting out a feeding every day or two.
- Life After Weaning: Ending the breastfeeding relationship. This was actually the most helpful webpage. It’s an excerpt from a book and actually talks about both the physical and the emotional effects on the mother and the emotional effects on the child. (Note that the emotional effects on the child tend to be largely those that breastfeed for several years. It doesn’t talk about the effects on an infant.)
- ending breastfeeding….what happens? This was a very short discussion between moms about what happens. Like the previous article it suggests weaning slowly and points out that you should never completely drain your breasts if you want your milk to dry up.
Deciding not to breastfeed is a very hard decision because while nobody says it’s wrong not to breastfeed, the minute you become pregnant you are inundated with literature and people telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child and offering all sorts of support. (In particular the hospital staff and nurses were awesome. They were extremely supportive, very helpful and offer all sorts of free services to help and encourage nursing moms.) And when I asked friends and family what they thought everyone was very careful not to say anything one way or the other. Although all offered support either way! And many pointed out that there are plenty of healthy children and adults who were not breastfed.
So why did I decide to quit? It wasn’t health reasons, it wasn’t because I couldn’t nurse Caleb and it wasn’t because Caleb wouldn’t nurse. (Those seem to be the “acceptable” reasons to give for stopping breastfeeding.) I quit for many reasons, although it basically boiled down to the fact that I didn’t like it. Here are the reasons I didn’t like it, pretty much in order of importance to me:
- Time. It was extremely time consuming. During the day Caleb wanted to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours. And he ate for 30 minutes. So that means that 25-30% of my waking day was spent feeding him. That’s a lot of time! And planning around that is very difficult. (And it’s really hard to pump milk so that you can leave him with someone else for an hour or two when you are already nursing all the time. We ended up using formula in those cases and Caleb didn’t seem to mind going back and forth at all.)
- Worry. I was always worried he wasn’t getting enough to eat (why did he want to eat so often!) or that what I was eating or drinking might affect him. (How many diet coke’s should you drink? Probably none, right? So what about the two you just drank?) And it turns out he probably wasn’t getting as much in the afternoon as he wanted because he’s much less fussy now. But the doctor said he was getting plenty because he was sleeping 4-5 hours at night and gaining plenty of weight.
- Sore nipples. A month is a really long time to have sore nipples. And yes, he was latching on and eating correctly. I think just feeding him 30% of all waking hours made them sore. I’m sure eventually they would have toughened up.
Of course I have doubts and regrets. Most of them centered around the health benefits. Breastfeeding is supposed to help kids’ immunity and decrease their long term odds of obesity. Those are the two I worried about the most. But I’m confident that there are lots of other factors that also influence Caleb’s health and the two of us being happy is one of them! (I realized I never talked to him when I was nursing him except to wake him up continuously and to ask him if he was done yet. When I feed him a bottle I talk to him the whole time and it’s fun!)
I feel a little bit like I’m airing my personal diary in this post, but I wanted to make the information I found available to others and I wanted to add my own experience and decision to the pool of knowledge so that others might feel more comfortable making a decision one way or the other.
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Thank you. Thank you..Thank you!
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I have been breastfeeding for the past 5 weeks and also supplementing with formula. I have had sore nipples almost the entire time. I now have and intraductal yeast infection. (infection in the milk ducts inside the breast.) I am so frustrated. It seems I never get any sleep, the baby is still not latching on properly and therefore not getting enough milk. I am now in the process of weaning. Thanks for your website it has helped me feel better about my decision.
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Thanks everyone for your posts.
I have been emotional for the last couple days going back and forth on deciding whether or not I want to continue breastfeeding my 1 week old. Like others have said, with the pain it causes, I have dreaded feeding him and rather than it being a time for us to bond, it’s just a time that makes me miserable. Many of my family members are also uncomfortable around breastfeeding mothers, so it makes it hard when they come to visit. I either watch their uncomfortable faces, or go in the other room and be unable to enjoy their company, when they are here to help and celebrate having our new baby! I don’t enjoy being constantly leaky and wet, and having to wear a bra around the clock just to not get milk all over everything. It is not relaxing at all, and doesn’t make me a happy mommy for either of my boys. It’s still a hard decision to make, but it’s good to know there are others having similar feelings.
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I just want to say thank you for this post, I am a mommy to be in a very short while and can’t decide what is right for me and my baby and I have been leaning toward Formula Feeding for the simple fact I just don’t FEEL like breast feeding and have gotten bashed BADLY for it for not having a good enough excuse I guess??
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I’m very late on this discussion but I thought my experience worth sharing as it might help someone else some day! My daughter was born after a straight forward birth and fed fine straight away but after a few days I gave up breastfeeding- the usual reasons -bleeding nipples, crying baby, had no idea what I was doing,I knew nobody who had breastfed so had no advise (did have a midwife out 3 days running but that was no help) and basically completely panicked. So swapped to bottles and my diligently fed my daughter with bottles until she was about 10 weeks. At this point I started to research more about infant feeding (I know it seems crazy- why didn’t I do this before I had the baby!) as my daughter seem
ed to be gaining weight more quicky than the other babies and I was worried I was over feeding her (I was told by countless health visitors that I wasn’t and that you can’t overfeed a baby – I now know this to be untrue). Anyway, following my research I decided to have another go at breastfeeding (felt so guilty having quit) and set about getting my daughter back on the breast, I had to use a hospital grade double pump every few hours, take suppliments, use a SNS (a device with tubes that attach to the nipples-that you pump formula through to encourage baby to the breast)> It was a monumental effort that went on for almost 6 months during which time I had some success and was able to feed my daughter for some feeds (but never exclusively). However, all of this came at such a cost- I was a breaking point, I was on anti depressants, convinced I was a terrible mother and I’d got it all wrong and probably ruined my daughters life by formula feeding her- and even worse – overfeeding her. My daughter is now over four years old (Im happy to report a healthy, average sized, smart child) and I still worry about this and I still google regularly to read other peoples breastfeedig stories to reassure myself that Im not the only one who found it difficult-that I’m not the only mother who found breastfeeding almost impossible. I try to be the best mother I can every day (I have since had a son and breastfed him for 7 months- so much more prepared second time round). But I find it very difficult to leave this behind and it’s great read the other stories and the support on this posting.
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The many comments are wonderful. I am a mother of 2 (an 8 week old and a 22 month old). I felt like I was all alone in wanting to stop breastfeeding. I had an emergency c-section and didn’t get to see my son for a day or so and he was started on formula and we have supplemented very minimally since. My son is very fussy and he doesn’t rest well. On the rare ocassions he has gone to the babysitter, he had formula and rested very well and seemed much happier. I’ve wanted to stop breastfeeding for months, but as soon as I make up my mind to stop he has a good day and I feel guildy. This is suppose to be the most exciting time of my life, but it’s not! My son nurses every 2 hours and between nursing, I’m trying to get a little rest and find something to eat or drink to keep my supply up. (Oh yeah, forgot to mention, having to take Reglan to increase my milk supply) Spending so much time nursing or preparing to nurse leaves very little time for anything else. I find myself grumpy, crying, and often impatient with my 22 month old who I feel is being left out of what could be a wonderful experience. Today I said that I am going to begin the weaning process, but I’m so guilt ridden, I’m not sure if I’ll go through with it.
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I forgot to add, my nipples have been SORE for 2 months!!!!!
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I just wanted to say thank you for all of the posts. My son is 13 weeks old and I struggled for the first 9 weeks. Getting over the pain with the nipple shield for 6 weeks. Then realizing the dairy in my diet was causing some issues. I stopped using the nipple shield cause all the books say so. Also cut dairy out of my diet. The doctor diagnosed him with reflux and put him on zantac at 2 months old.I also wasn’t producing enough milk because of changing from the nipple shield and had to start trying to pump. This poor little boy has been through more in his little life than my oldest did by the time he was three years old. I feel tired and stressed about feeling tired and stressed. He’s a wonderful little baby, finally gaining weight and smiling and giggling. Beautiful little boy and the best thing I can give him is a mommy who can take care of him. I think the guilt will always be there because I’ve come this far, but I’m just so tired and would rather deal with the guilt rather than the stress. I hope everyone makes the best decision for them..and doesn’t think that they are bad mommies and not good enough because of anything that they go through. It makes you a better mommy to make the hard decisions for you and baby!! Good luck to everyone!
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THANK YOU for this….I was having the same issues researching this on the internet….my baby is 5 weeks and I just started to stop nursing her, because I decided crying through every feeding ( really…EVERY feeding) due to REALLY sore nipples was not acceptable. YES I have seen lactation counselors and YES she is gaining perfect weight. I think it’s just my anatomy. The few times I have given my daughter formula, we are both more relaxed and engaged in each other…..it’s like we are both struggling through the breast feeding! Appreciate your post, it helped me not feel so alone!
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Very helpful! Thank you so much for writing about your experience.
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I know this is old but was so helpful & made me feel so much better. Thank you for your honesty & for the info.
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Thanks for posting this. I found it really helpful. I breastfed for 5 months (my plan was for 6 months) but even then I found the Health Visitor looked like she dissapproved when I told her he was totally on formula. I know it’s good that they try to encourage women to breastfeed (since Breast is best)but I think the fact that you tried in the first place is a marvellous thing, when some women don’t even try it at all. I know how you feel. My baby was feeding every two hours for 20mins which then increased to every 45mins but the length of time between feeds was only 3 hours by then! It was consuming my day and buying a fancy breastpump didn’t help as then your day is also taken up with pumping/feeding/pumping/feeding!
My baby gradually didn’t want to feed from me anymore and his bottle feeds went up. I still fed him at night until he started to sleep through and then I decided to drop the morning feed (which increased to 1hr 20mins!!) and now give him formula instead. I was suprised at my guilt pangs for swapping to formula but I know I shouldn’t feel that way besides my baby made the decision to change to formula.
Feel proud that you did your best and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad Mum. I’m lucky that the milk has been gradually drying up too. I think if you do it slowly and introduce more and more bottle feeds, your breasts wont engorge and the milk will dry up.
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correction to my comment- I meant the length of feed increased to 45mins
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