Comments on: Learning not to cry in today’s work place

By: CeAnn

CeAnn — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 00:11:22 +0000

I cry when I’m mad, sad, happy and mostly frustrated. I have found this to hold me back in meetings with my bosses especially because people don’t see crying as a sign of frustration. I hate conflict and that is all that can come out if I’m upset. It has held me back many times if i have felt the need to stand up for myself because all I can do is cry. I am so passionate about everything in my life to the point where I have tried to care less about things like my job where I have had to learn to clock in and go home without letting it get to me. I also find that when I’m upset I have to write down all the points that I want to make in a conversation before it actually takes place otherwise I just forget everything I wanted to say and just sit there. My husband hates this because he feels like I cannot talk to him, but it is just that I will get so emotional I will clam up and not know what to say or how to get it out.

By: Ella

Ella — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:35:52 +0000

I’m a student, not an employee, but this was great for me too. I cry a lot when I laugh, or when I get into fights. This doesn’t just apply in the workplace, it works for school too! Thanks.

By: Phillip

Phillip — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 20:22:46 +0000

Be careful crying at the workplace. I’ve had 5 corporate jobs over the past two decades, and everyone that I’ve seen cry at work (there have be a few) has been let go within a few weeks.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 08:02:33 +0000

Thank you all for you much needed comments and to you Stormy. I was reading this posting at 2 am this morning because I was anticipating my boss yelling at me for a minor error today and knowing that I would cry in response. I have always tried to only show others my very strong side and hide my tears that always end up coming when I can get away from the group. Lately, it’s be harder and harder not to cry. I always thought if I cried it showed weakness, especially at work. My husband has always called me passionate and after reading the above posts, I have come to realize that sometimes my passion shows itself in tears and I feel better knowing that. Thank you all!!
P.S.
My grouch boss called in sick. Guess I have to wait till Monday to cry.

By: Patty

Patty — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 08:43:31 +0000

I really thought I was abnormal since even as a child, I would cry over anything and people would tell me to stop crying and grow up. Even as an adult now (55 years old)I have moments that I just cannot stop those tears.I cry still because as you said I am very passionate about life in general. I can cry over commercials I see on TV if they are the least bit touching. I recently went overseas for a month and had a severe situation that I felt trapped in and all I could do was sleep or feel like crying. The person I was staying with would always tell me “Look at you, You are a grown woman crying about nothing.” It made me feel worse, so now I am going to therapy to find out why I don’t get seem to get mad, but instead cry and feel helpless. I am so glad to hear there are others out there that feel the same way. Thanks!
p.s. by the way, my horse’s name is Stormy!

By: Stormy

Stormy — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 05:13:09 +0000

JM,
I’ve discovered that I respond to loud voices differently depending on whether I’m speaking English or Spanish! In both cases, I get loud too, but in English I can feel myself getting mad too because usually when somebody is yelling in English, they are angry. In Spanish, I more often just get loud, maybe passionate.
Stormy

By: JM Ibanez

JM Ibanez — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 03:54:44 +0000

In my case, I find that I have a hard time raising my voice even though I am not angry. It’s weird — when I am quite passionate about something, and when discussing something, I tend to raise my voice as though I was lecturing a large classroom instead of talking in a small face-to-face meeting. I find it hard to modulate my voice, especially when I’m passionate.

By: Stormy

Stormy — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 01:48:54 +0000

Thanks for sharing your story. I liked your point of acceptable emotions:
> the only emotion that is seen as acceptable is anger (and
> sometimes humor), and somehow these are the only accepted
> “business ready”.
As the parent of two boys, I worry that our society teaches boys that the only acceptable emotions are anger and humor. We tell them not to cry. (I actively argue with people who say “don’t be a girl, stop crying”!)
I don’t think it’s healthy to channel all emotions into anger.

By: Anonymous to Public

Anonymous to Public — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 20:36:20 +0000

This is great that you have posted this. I’m a well-known (male) executive in the Open Source space, and I constantly worry about this issue. Ever since I was kid, I cry relatively easily. While I’ve never encountered, as you have, people thinking that I was accepting blame because I cried, I have experienced the emotional difficulty of being taken less seriously when, in the heat of a complicated business disagreement, that I’ve started crying.
The whole idea that we are supposed to cease to be people with beliefs and feelings when we work is one of the reasons I’ve focused so much on Open Source. Unfortunately, it often seems that whether you’re in Open Source or proprietary software, the only emotion that is seen as acceptable is anger (and sometimes humor), and somehow these are the only accepted “business ready”.
I have paid close attention to feminist issues in the workplace issues, and often heard jokes (usually from women themselves) that all a “Women in the workplace” seminars teach you is “how not to cry at work”.
Meanwhile, as a man who has often been looked down upon because he’s capable of crying in the workplace, I actually fall on the other side of this: we should be changing our workplaces so that anger and humor aren’t the only accepted emotions.
Nevertheless, I commend your attempts to find new ways to deal with the situation.

By: Runa

Runa — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:36:25 +0000

I would have to agree with benr here. Awesome post!