I’m going to post about deciding to stop breast feeding because I couldn’t find hardly anything at all about deciding to stop breastfeeding on the web. As much information as there is on the web, some topics are very hard to find!
I decided to stop breastfeeding after a month and while I was considering it, I searched the web extensively. While there is a ton of extremely helpful information on breastfeeding on the web, it is all centered around solving any problems you might have, not in making a decision one way or the other. (And if it is about making a decision, they spend pages and pages telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child.) There’s also no information about, when you decide to quit, exactly what you are supposed to do. Stop cold turkey? Gradually phase it out? I did find three pages of information on stopping breast feeding:
- Ending breastfeeding. This poor woman had obviously already decided to stop breastfeeding (a hard decision!) and the expert answering her email first questioned why she’d made the decision. The expert did answer her question about how to stop breastfeeding and said to gradually wean the baby by cutting out a feeding every day or two.
- Life After Weaning: Ending the breastfeeding relationship. This was actually the most helpful webpage. It’s an excerpt from a book and actually talks about both the physical and the emotional effects on the mother and the emotional effects on the child. (Note that the emotional effects on the child tend to be largely those that breastfeed for several years. It doesn’t talk about the effects on an infant.)
- ending breastfeeding….what happens? This was a very short discussion between moms about what happens. Like the previous article it suggests weaning slowly and points out that you should never completely drain your breasts if you want your milk to dry up.
Deciding not to breastfeed is a very hard decision because while nobody says it’s wrong not to breastfeed, the minute you become pregnant you are inundated with literature and people telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child and offering all sorts of support. (In particular the hospital staff and nurses were awesome. They were extremely supportive, very helpful and offer all sorts of free services to help and encourage nursing moms.) And when I asked friends and family what they thought everyone was very careful not to say anything one way or the other. Although all offered support either way! And many pointed out that there are plenty of healthy children and adults who were not breastfed.
So why did I decide to quit? It wasn’t health reasons, it wasn’t because I couldn’t nurse Caleb and it wasn’t because Caleb wouldn’t nurse. (Those seem to be the “acceptable” reasons to give for stopping breastfeeding.) I quit for many reasons, although it basically boiled down to the fact that I didn’t like it. Here are the reasons I didn’t like it, pretty much in order of importance to me:
- Time. It was extremely time consuming. During the day Caleb wanted to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours. And he ate for 30 minutes. So that means that 25-30% of my waking day was spent feeding him. That’s a lot of time! And planning around that is very difficult. (And it’s really hard to pump milk so that you can leave him with someone else for an hour or two when you are already nursing all the time. We ended up using formula in those cases and Caleb didn’t seem to mind going back and forth at all.)
- Worry. I was always worried he wasn’t getting enough to eat (why did he want to eat so often!) or that what I was eating or drinking might affect him. (How many diet coke’s should you drink? Probably none, right? So what about the two you just drank?) And it turns out he probably wasn’t getting as much in the afternoon as he wanted because he’s much less fussy now. But the doctor said he was getting plenty because he was sleeping 4-5 hours at night and gaining plenty of weight.
- Sore nipples. A month is a really long time to have sore nipples. And yes, he was latching on and eating correctly. I think just feeding him 30% of all waking hours made them sore. I’m sure eventually they would have toughened up.
Of course I have doubts and regrets. Most of them centered around the health benefits. Breastfeeding is supposed to help kids’ immunity and decrease their long term odds of obesity. Those are the two I worried about the most. But I’m confident that there are lots of other factors that also influence Caleb’s health and the two of us being happy is one of them! (I realized I never talked to him when I was nursing him except to wake him up continuously and to ask him if he was done yet. When I feed him a bottle I talk to him the whole time and it’s fun!)
I feel a little bit like I’m airing my personal diary in this post, but I wanted to make the information I found available to others and I wanted to add my own experience and decision to the pool of knowledge so that others might feel more comfortable making a decision one way or the other.
thanks so much for the info. this was very helpful. I am considering stopping breastfeeding after 1 week and for the same reasons you were. I am feeling guilty and your thoughts were very real and I could relate to them.
reading this post was like seeing all of my thoughts written out. Your experience is exactly how I am feeling. Completely and totally overwhelmed by the time I spend breastfeeding and ultimately really depressed as I feel defeated by it. The more depressed I get the less milk she gets despite my 40 minute feedings, which means we have a crabby, hungry, crying baby. It is a frustrating cycle. I think as guilty as I feel for wanting to switch after only 3 weeks being happier will make me a better mother in the long run. My only concern at this point is that I will still be unhappy after switching even though I am positive this is the core of the problem right now?
Thanks again for your honesty!!!
Thank you so much for posting this! I just decided to stop breastfeeding after 3 weeks b/c i really didn’t like it and i was always worried about what i was eating. I felt guilty making the decision but i knew it was the best thing for me to do, which made my baby happier b/c i was. Thanks again.
I was so happy to see that someone else feels the same way I do. I am an RN and was taught since nursing school how great breast milk is for babies. The one thing they never mention is that it just isn’t for some people. I know the health benefits for my son. I teach them. But my health, as far as sleep deprivation and never any time to eat right, was going down hill. My mental health as well was suffering. Anyone I would talk to would just say that is the sacrifice you have to make. I was sacrificing being a happy, nice, playful mommy. When you mentioned not interacting with your baby when feeding, it struck a nerve! I was always sooooo tired and crying when feeding I am sure my son thought “who is this crazy person?”. I bought a pump to try to pump and bottle feed instead, my son didn’t seem too mind, but then I felt like a cow milking herself every 3 hours, let alone the trouble of cleaning all those pump supplies. I have felt so bad about myself for a while and gave out excuses to people of why I quit, now since I know I am not alone, I will proudly say I stopped to be a better mommy. It is what works for me. -Jennifer and Bryan(3 months old)
Andi, Brandi, Amy, Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing your stories!
I think being happy moms is very important for our babies!
Stormy
I too had trouble finding information about stopping breastfeeding online or anywhere else for that matter. It wasn’t until I had stopped that I came across a couple of women in my town who had similar problems. I cried for days when I had to stop. I wanted to continue but my husband was adament I stop after 10 days of torture. I also cried for days feeding my son before I stopped. Sore nipples was an understatement. I would cry in pain as my son woke up just knowing I had to feed him. It didn’t help I had a UTI since Jacob had been born that went undiagnosed until AFTER I had quit breastfeeding. I was sick on top of being unbelievably sore. It wasn’t good for him or for me. I still feel guilty about bottle feeding him and I guess a part of me always will. It’s nice to know I’m not alone though.
I have to admit that I have had the same feelings that you have expressed on this page. I have been breastfeeding for the last 6 weeks and I have just switched to formula to see if my baby’s behaviour would improve. She has been extrememly fussy lately and never seemed to get enough milk in the evenings. I wish that I knew how much she was getting while I nursing but of coarse that is a mom’s worst fear – “Is she getting enough?” She is already sleeping better, she is a lot less fuzzy, and she is very happy during her alert periods. I have also been pumping the past day or so to try to get an estimated amount of how much milk she was receiving, not very much in the evenings, so I made the right the decision for the both of us. Guilt? Of coarse I will feel a little guilty for “giving up” concidering we had a lot of obstacles to overcome in the beginning but the emotional state of this household had to improve. The more my baby would fuss and puke, the more I would be worried she was not getting enough and then she would not sleep and continue to want to be on the breast ALL day so I became very frustrated with nursing. So thanks again, your information was very helpful as well as the comments from other women. It’s very nice to know that we are not alone….or wrong in any way.
It is great to hear there are other women facing the same dilemna. Before I posted the only people I met that stopped were those that couldn’t breastfeed or never started. So it’s great to hear from women who are having some of the same feelings that I did.
Thanks for all the great info. I am experiencing the same feelings of being overwhelmed, mostly because I just don’t have the time it takes to feed my daughter as often as she would like. She is 6wks old and I would like to stop. I have been replacing some of the feedings with formula, but at what point do you stop? As it is now with just replacing a few of the feedings I am becoming engorged, and would like to just bite the bullet and let it dry up. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Jaime,
If you cut back on feedings, your milk supply should go down so you aren’t engorged. It might take a couple of days. You could also try pumping instead of feeding her formula. (If you pump, your supply will not go down though so you’ll have to keep pumping.)
If you decide to just quit, your breasts should go back to normal in 2-3 days. I found it easiest just to quit but I wish I had tried just feeding my baby a couple of times a day. That works for some women; others find they dry up if they go down to just two or three feedings a day.
Good luck with whatever decision you make!
Stormy
I have been trying to find information for the past two weeks on exactly how long you should breast feed if you know you are not going to endure the whole year they recommend. I have never had physical problems with breast feeding. Baby latches on, great milk supply, never sore breasts, hardly any leaking, great work environment allows pumping, etc.., However as my baby starts to interact with other family members i.e. my husband and mother I see a difference in his personality. He smiles laughs and coos with them. Any time I hold him he starts searching for my boobs and throws a fit if I do not immediately breast feed. I started supplementing (he is 6 weeks old)he will finish a whole 4 to 6 oz and still the same thing. I feel like my only bond with him at this point is a milk supply and this is frustrating. So I have decided to start to wean him and try and skip more and more breast feedings progressively. My husband is very upset by this choice and I am trying to explain the feelings and reasons, but he doesn’t understand. I hope to have a deeper bond to my son once my milk supply dries up. Thank for posting this and for expressing other reasons for giving up breast feeding. —
I think your post is not just airing your personal feelings but airing the feelings of many. I breastfed my 1st child for 3 weeks and we both cried through every feeding. Giving it up was so hard for me. Now, with my 2nd child I got off to a much better start, but still hated it and so did the baby. Now I’m giving him formula and I’m sure it will make us both happier although the guilt I feel is awful and I echo many of your feelings. All I can say is that as long as you have happy babies then that’s what counts.
Thank you SO much for posting this! I also could not find anything on the web and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one out there…I’ve never been able to produce enough milk and have been on meds from day 1 to help with it, but the best I can do is make enough for his daytime feedings and supplement with formula at night…My son is colicky and has some allergy/tummy issues, so his formula is hypoallergenic and costs an arm and a leg as it only comes in small containers–basically it works out to $5 a night to feed him this stuff…Initially, he’d scream when I tried to nurse him if my milk didn’t let down right away, would fall asleep a couple minutes into it (I couldn’t wake him for the life of me) and then never finish his feeding, so after a week I bought a pump and have been bottlefeeding him his milk the majority of the time and then topping him up by nursing afterwards…For the past couple weeks now he’s been refusing to nurse at all, so I’ve been laying awake at night in between feedings going over why I SHOULD continue pumping (his allergy/tummy issues, immune benefits, cost of formula, etc.)…I’m now only making enough milk for 2 (3 at best) daytime feedings and each session takes an hour…I finally realized today just before I found this that the majority of the past 14 weeks have been spent trying to pump to maintain his daytime feedings and cleaning/sterilizing the parts–this has become increasingly more difficult as he’s more active now and my husband is a police officer who works shiftwork with very long hours some days…I’ve been missing out on spending all that time with him! So to hell with the breast is best nazis and the cost–I’ve done the best that I can! Thank you Stormy, your posting and the others that followed have finally brought me tears of relief, not sadness and given me permission to stop! 🙂
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this information. I had my son 3 1/2 months ago. He was 7 weeks early (I had preclampsia) and he is doing just great. He was in the hospital for 17 days and I tried to breastfeed, but he just could not latch on – so I pumped, pumped and pumped some more. He learned to latch on after about a month, but quickly got confused between the breast and bottle and would get extremely cranky. My whole world has become him and when to pump again. I wanted to give him all the breastmilk I could but I still had to add formula for the added calories they wanted me to give him since he started out so small (3 lbs 10 oz.) I decided that I wanted to stop breastfeeding, but had no idea how to go about it. All I could find out about the topic was how wonderful it is to breastfeed, but not how to go about it. I am so glad that I found your information and it is nice to know that there are other women going through the same mental “tug-of-war” about should I or should I not continue to supply breastmilk. Thanks again for the encouragement and information.
I’m 20 years old and completely torn about breastfeeding my husband is 22 and we’re young parent’s. It’s very hard for me to keep from crying while making this decision. I had my baby girl February 27th, 2007 she was 3 weeks early and had a lil trouble breathing at first and was a tiny bit jaundice. In the hospital they first gave her formula so she could breath better and I was trying to breastfeed her also, but she wasnt getting enough colostrum so we used one of those sns kits.Right now I’m not having alot of problems feeding her on the breast she latches good when she wants too but I honestly prefer pumping.I just feel that they both take alot of time and my pediatrician told me to give her formula every other feeding anyways.My husband wants me to keep breastfeeding and keeps saying its natural,yes breastfeeding is natural, but me being sad while doing it isn’t. My mother who had 7 kids and breastfed all of them, also keeps saying “oh look at all the milk you pump” and compares me to my sister who didnt get much from pumping but still breastfed for 3 months but she also gave my neice formula and she got collicky and cried soo much.I’m scared that might happen if I stop but my baby reacts well to formula when I give it to her she’s not a fussy baby at all sleeps good isn’t gassy doesn’t cry much.I just honestly don’t know what to do I feel like a bad motherand I’m under alot of pressure.I don’t know if it’s because of my age or because of postpartum depression I wouldn’t give up my baby for anything. I fear that if I stop she’s gonna get sick or the SIDS risk increases that scares me to death. I have such anxiety over this and am ashamed to talk to my doctor cause I know she has a 9 month old and is still breastfeeding or my mom or sisters I have 3 of them and they all have kids someone help please any advice I’ll take I don’t want to be sad and guilty anymore.Bottom line is I don’t have any problems breastfeeding I just am not happy doing it. Is that wrong? Am I a bad mother?
P.S. Sorry this post is soo long and I keep rambling
Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor. She knows better than anybody that everyone is different and while she can’t and shouldn’t make the decision for you, you should hear her opinion and any concerns or advise she has.
wow. alot of pain and frustration out there.all over something as natural as breathing. how sad.my advice; i am a midwife amd mum, breastfeeding my 2yo girl. i have worked with alot of australian aboriginal women who never have any breastfeeding problems. I’m talking real bush mamas here!they breastfeed like animals, gracefully. Most breastfeeding problems in the western world are caused by inhibition and over analysing things, rather than simply slinging the baby on the breast and getting on with life. what do you think would have happened to the human race over the course of evolution if there truly are so many mums and babies who “breastfeeding just doesnt work for”?we would have died out, of course.my position on breastfeeding is rooted in understanding and respect for the physiological norm in infant feeding. Formula is full of shit and should be available on prescription only from lactation consultants. i would go so far to assert that formula feeding is at best neglectful, at worst abusive.and loosen up!!!!!!!!do you have such trouble moving your bowels?
Hi “Midwife and Mama”
While I agree that if I had lived in the time before formula, I would have kept breastfeeding my baby, I don’t think it would have been any easier then. I would have experienced the same frustrations and pain. Now I have an alternative and I don’t think it’s bad to use it.
My grandmother breastfeed 11 babies, pumped all her own water, made all her food from scratch, washed all the dirty diapers and lived without a phone. I greatly admire her, but it doesn’t mean I need to do the same.
Stormy
I am considering stopping my baby from breastfeeding after just one month, for the same reasons you did. Actually she isn’t breastfeeding she wouldnt take to my nipple, so I have been pumping for a month and she has been bottle feeding. So the physical attachment isn’t there between me and her, but it is VERY time consuming because when she sleeps I am pumping so she can have a bottle for the next feeding. Anyways, I was wondering when you stopping breastfeeding, what kind of formula did you start the baby on. This is my first child so I am not sure what kind to use. If you have any advice just let me know. Thank you!
We used Similac with iron and it worked out well but you should check with your pediatrician as well. I signed up for some list and now I get $5 check from them every month or so.
Good luck!
I think that what Stormy is talking about is a lot of guilt. Of course the human population wouldn’t have continued had it not been for breastfeeding, I get that, but what we are forgeting is the change in societal make-up. We currently live in a culture not fit for parenting. Rather, most women work or need to work to sustain their families. In previous generations (not that long ago) we had “wet nurses” where if I was having a problem feeding my child or was sore, my child could have been fed by my sister, or cousin, etc. I think that we need to have a more open percpetion of what good mothering is. We are so hard on mothers and it’s not fair. We all do the BEST we can for our children and that is all we can do. Let’s not judge and recognize the differences in cultural settings. Stormy, I don’t understand your stance. In one posting you are pro-breastfeeding because it is natural as bowel movements, and the next you are asking what kind of formula to buy.
I guess I didn’t see until now how they listed the postings. I apologize Stormy!!! You weren’t the one who posted about the aborigines.
I have to say this is very encouraging to read. I have had the same problems that you were talking about in your post. My daughter wanted to eat all the time and my milk supply was never enough for her. When I did pump I could only get out about an 1 ounce of milk. Now that I have put her on formula she drinks between 3-4 ounces. For my sanity and my babies I think it was the best choice for me. My other problem was the fact that one of my breasts was supplying a lot of milk while the other one was not supplying hardly any. I think it is great to hear about other women who have gone through the same thing as I am going through. Thank you for your post!
Thanks so much. There is not anything out there except, BREASTFEEDING IS GREAT. Yeah it is great except when it drives you insane. I have had issues with breasfeeding since my son was born 1st i had clogged milk ducts (and people telling me I had no choice but to breast feed, and “pump just pump, you have got to get it to come out” I felt guilty and did that, which increased my supply but still nothing came out. Then my son went 14 hours with no food b/c i felt so guilty I couldn’t remember the last time He actually ate.) The first week we were home was miserable the first few days I didn’t even know I was clogged, so he did not get much food. He fussed so much we got “NO” sleep! We used formula but he is lactose intolerant (we dd not know) he was even fussier. I finally became so engorged it came out! RELIEF!! I started producing a ton of milk having to pump every 2 hours then feed him, clean the pumps clean the bottles clean him up clean myself up change him and then i could think about a possible snack or 5 min nap. (USUALLY IT DIDN’T HAPPEN) I spent every ounce of time feeding and cleaning him. ( I do Have other responsibilities!!) Then I started going down in milk production down down down to the point it was not enough. I’d had it! I told my husband I am done I cannot handle the emotional distress and time consumption. The Cherry on top of it all After I had him I had a Grade 3 Aductor strain (HORRIFIC PAIN) I could barely move and I am still recovering from it after a month. It still hurts to move and to sneeze to cough. I CAN’T HANDLE ANY MORE!!! I need sanity too. I won’t rattle on any more except IT’S NOT PROPER TO SLING OUR CHILDREN ON OUR BREASTS AND WALK AROUND WE HAVE LAWS IN OUR COUNTRY!! I really don’t care what the aborigines do, this is about women who want to stop breastfeeding and no we’re NOT wusses. We want to be good mommies and that’s what we are. THANKS FOR HELPING ME WITH MY Guilt stormy it has made my life easier!! Thanks!
Thank you for this post. I’m considering giving up the little breasfeeding that I’m able to do. My baby is 5 months old, and from the time of his birth, bfeeding has been a pain. Seeing 4 lactation consultants, pumping 8 times (or 100 minutes) a day the first month to build up my supply, taking upteen fenugreek supplements (so many that I ended up smelling like maple syrup), taking banned medication to increase supply… all this and we still had to supplement with formula.
Please note, the ONLY way I was able to keep up with this manic schedule was because my husband was able to take off 6 weeks, and because I had 3 months at home. It was grueling, and I agree with the other posters who mentioned feeling distant from their children because they spent so much time pumping and cleaning the parts. In retrospect, I wish I had given up sooner.
Now, at 5 months, my son will only nurse for 10 mins, max, twice a day if I’m lucky. And he still gets 4-6 oz of formula after that.
We supplemented with formula from the first week home – since he went from 9.6 lbs down to 7.8 lbs – that really hurt, but I’m ok with this now. I still feel guilt – especially since my mother bfed us until we were over a year old – but at the same time, I think that there is more to life than this, and considering how many healthy people have been bottle fed, it should be fine in the end.
Congratulations to all of us for being the best mothers in the world to our children, and phooey to you to anyone who belittles us for our decisions.
I wanted to stop after one week and my husband was totally against it. We ended up exclusivly pumping. I bought an electric breast pump and loved it! I got the releaf I needed from being engorged and my son was still able to get breastmilk, only from a bottle instead of direct from the source. I pumped every 3-4 hours for 10-15min. This was enough to provide my son with milk for the day and some extra to freeze in case we were short one day. It still took some time, but not nearly as much as it would to spend half an hour every two hours nursing. The best part was that it didn’t hurt at all, unlike nursing which really hurt! I still hated being hooked up to a machine, but it was simply a matter of not being able to afford formula. When he was 10 months old I just couldn’t stand it any more and started supplementing with formula. I really, really, hated nursing…thank god for pumps!! Mine saved the day, although if we ever have another, I will insist on at least some formula from the begining. It’s just way too much pressure otherwise.
I’m so thankful for this website you all have no idea! I had my son this past Saturday (so he is just a couple days old) and have been breast feeding with no pain just fine. The problem was that when I was “done”, he would get up 40 min – 1 hr afterwards. This is very difficult with C-Section pain. Just taking care of yourself is enough. I cried so much! The nurses thought I was crazy. It kind of dawned on my from reading these postings that he kept me up, pretty much because he was not getting enough from our thousands of mini-breast feeding sessions. I was so determined to know how to do it right. I bothered every nurse and a lactaction specialist at the hospital! Today I noticed that when I tried to feed him, it was hurting; like he was biting instead of sucking. This evening, I was actually crying and yelping during a feeding. I felt my nipples (both) and they felt raw to the touch. I checked to make sure I was positioning him correctly and that he was latching on right, but that all checked out. The hospital gave me a free Similac bag with a bunch of free samples in it (I took it because it was free even though they knew I was breastfeeding) and I had bottles from showers because I knew that when I returned to work I would be pumping to bottle. I just had to resort to that. I couldn’t take the pain! I was (and still am) heart-broken by having to do this but I guess this is not for me. I will miss out on all the benefits for my body and my son’s. But I just HAD to start looking on line to see if others had to stop like me and why. Thank you so much Stormy for putting this out there. Your right! There is NOT enough information on this subject out there. Even though I was formula fed myself, it made me feel better about my decision to stop breast feeding and deal with my guilt. Thanks!!!
i’m so glad to have found this site! could someone please tell me how to lessen the pain, especially when you’re trying to stop expresing your milk via the pump machine? i’m doing a 3-hourly expressing of milk as of the moment to provide my daughter breastmilk. but i have come to a point that i need my sanity and want to enjoy the time with my daughter rather than spending all of my time expressing, cleaning the equipments and stuck at home so i could express for my daughter’s next feed. please help!
Thank you, thank you thank you!! It’s fantastic to hear someone with vitually an identical story to mine. My son (also Caleb!) is 4 weeks old today and breastfeeding him has been a total nightmare. All the things you mentioned rung true for me, the frequent feedings, sore nipples (even though I know he was latching on right) and especially not talking to him during feeding. What I had been told would be this lovely bonding experience turned out to be the biggest source of frustration and guilt since he was born. It is lovely to hear that there are others (lots!) who feel the same way as me in that if we had loved feeding then it would have been ideal, however, don’t want to be made to feel guilty when deciding to stop. I have come to the conclusion that what I am doing is not “giving up” but seeing it as the 4 weeks that I fed Caleb gave him a fantastic start, but now, a happier, more content mum and baby are much preferable. Maybe I can now start to enjoy my much wanted, much loved new baby.
Thank you for this website. My daughter is 3 weeks old and we have struggled. I pump 8-10 times a day and do not produce enough to keep her fed (though she gets everything I pump from a bottle). She receives the rest in formula, which we started her on after my milk did not come in for many days. I never expected this to be so hard, but want to do what is best for her (of course!). I am sore from pumping and am struggling with work and the time it takes. Between work and the pumping, I hardly see her awake. I have seen the lactation consultant twice and am going again next week, but I am close to deciding this is not for me. I was never breastfed and agree that in today’s world, we should take advantage of the options available. Still, it is hard with the guilt component. Thanks again for this site. All of the information is great! Best of luck to everyone out there.
Ladies – I hope you don’t mind me adding my story as I have read so many of your posts and they take me back! I had a terrible time breastfeeding my son for the first six weeks – painful, relentless feeds that neither of us seemed to enjoy, and a baby who was not getting back to his birth weight – when I was at the end of my tether I was lucky enough to receive the help of a breastfeeding councillor, who turned it around for us. What I wanted to say was, he is now 7 1/2 months and we have continued breastfeeding until now, and I have cut his feeds down to one feed a day. The guilt I feel for wanting to stop now has been awful! I just wanted you all to know, that it seems to me that WHENEVER you decide to stop, for whatever reason….the guilt kicks in!!! I know I was very lucky in being able to sort our problems out and I hope if we have another baby I can make it work again….but one thing I have always remembered that was said to me in the beginning- ‘no matter how many days you manage to breastfeed, for each day, you should pat yourself on the back’.
Good wishes to you all and all your babies x
So glad i found this site…I have been feeling so guilty for wanting to quit BF. All of my reasons are selfish (recurrent mastitis, and yeast infections, not to mention the sore swollen ‘milk jugs’ I carry around.) My husband is not overly thrilled that I want to stop but I am finding that I am getting more aggrevated each time I hook myself up to pump.I’m glad there are other moms out there like me who are going through the same thing. I have started weaning three days ago. i eliminated the 3:30am pumping which was easy because he sleeps through the night now at 11 weeks. Next week I am going to eliminate the afternoon pumping session and give him formula. i have enough milk frozen to last a month so I am going to alternate with frozen breastmilk and formula. I am going to buy Enfamil because that is what our hospital recommends.My breasts are soooo swollen though when I miss a session. Geese, and when I pump the next time I get almost 8-10 oz which really makes me feel guilty because I can produce so much. Hopefully next week the engorgement will cease. Thanks for letting me vent.
I am also really glad to have found this site! From the beginning I’ve had trouble breastfeeding my son, who’s now almost 4 months old. In the first few days I had him, he wouldn’t latch on, and when he finally did (with the help of a lactation consultant), he would fall asleep 10 minutes into a feeding. He developed an unbelievable appetite at 2 weeks old (My milk wasn’t filling him), and would feed every hour of the day if I let him. I tried pumping, but couldn’t get enough time without him attached to one side or the other to pump sufficient quantities. He only gained 2 ounces per week in the first 4 weeks, and since he was only 6lbs at birth I was constantly worrying. At 4 weeks I started supplementing with a bottle per day, went up to 2 and then 3, and noticed a HUGE difference. Steady weight gain (he’s now over 11lbs), better sleeps (for him and for me), and he’s a happy baby! I feel so guilty about increasing his bottles and decreasing my breastfeeding time, but I know that it’s for his health and my peace of mind, so when I feel guilty and sad (which I frequently do) I remind myself of that. Thanks for a great site!
I just wanted to add that my son had trouble with formula at first. I had him on Similac Advance (he was supplemented with it in the hospital because my milk didn’t come in until the fourth day after his birth), and I supplemented him with it until he was 2 weeks old, when I finally started producing milk and breastfeeding successfully. When I reintroduced him to it at 4 weeks, he was gassy, fussy and really unhappy. I switched to Carnation Goodstart with Omega 3 and 6 additives, and he had 4 good days (one bottle per) before he again had trouble. I switched him to regular Goodstart, and he’s had no trouble since. I absolutely love this formula and so does he!
hello, it’s me again. reading these stories while at work on the post natal unit, here in new zealand. I am finding it difficult understand how a process that has been honed by evolution over millenia can fail so easily.A few things stick out.1)frequent feedings. Every baby is different. there is no time or frequency a baby”should” feed for. watch for 6-8 wet nappies a day, and poo anywhere between every nappy or once a week for an exclusively bf baby.women, if it’s coming out it must be going in. End of story. If they are weeing often they will be taking in enough calories to gain weight.growth spurts make babies demand hourly, to boost mum’s supply. go with it.this happens every few weeks.for genuinely low supply, maxalon, an antiemitic, can help raise production,ask your dr.2)sore nipples;get checked for thrush on them.I can’t believe american hospitals give out formula samples. That is illegal here.I feel so sad for you all, breastfeeding is the single best thing you can do for your children and yourselves.Inhibition is the enemy of breastfeeding. Take a serious look at yourselves.I mean that not in a spiteful way.trust the cave woman within.
Breastfeeding is not the single best thing you can do for your children. There are lots of factors that go into raising healthy children and as a whole generation here was raised without breastfeeding, I think it’s quite possible to raise healthy, happy children without breastfeeding.
Reading everyone’s comments, they tried very hard to do the best for their babies. Speaking from personal experience, it’s very, very hard to decide not to breastfeed. But it was my decision and it was the best one for me and my baby. My baby is now a very happy, healthy, bright and alert 7 month old and part of that is due to the fact that I quit breastfeeding so that I could be happy with him and for him.
I wrote this post because too many people say that you must breastfeed and obviously if it’s not working for you it must be that you’re doing something wrong. That’s not the case and breastfeeding is not always an enjoyable experience for all mothers and babies. Every mother and baby needs to figure out what works for them.
I would strongly encourage breastfeeding but if it’s not working, I don’t think you should feel guilty for having to give it up.
I wanted to put in my two cents. My baby is now 2 1/2 months old. I began pumping exclusively about two weeks after his birth for various reasons (sore nipples and never enjoying the act of breastfeeding are just two of them. If time is the major obstacle to breastfeeding, I would highly recommend pumping. I have used a hospital-grade Medella pump and it is WONDERFUL-I can completely empty both breasts in 10 minutes(however, it is costly to rent at $75.00 per month). I have tried to use some of the personal pumps you can buy, however these in general take way too long and I ended up taking 25 to 30 minutes to pump.
I am now considering weaning my baby to formula. I find that because I work about 50 hours per week it is very difficult to pump every 3-4 hours. And, dragging a hospital grade pump to and from work every day is a hassle. I must say that I feel some guilt about the thought of stopping…but I will make the decision that is right for myself, my family, and my situation. I figure that any amount of breastmilk is better than none at all!
Thank you so much for this site! I haven’t been able to find anything about this topic on the web – everything is pro-breastfeeding of course. I’ve been pumping exclusively since my son was 2 weeks old. He’s now a happy, healthy 5 month old! I too feel like I’ve somewhat missed out due to all of the time and effort pumping brings. I’ve found myself supplementing more and more and debating to stop pumping at 6 months. I did read somewhere that most of the good things infants receive from bf is within the first 6 months anyway. Has anyone else heard anything like that?
I had also heard that the first six months were the most important – six months was my goal when I started.
To the Cave Woman Within – I can’t quite believe what I have just read….I really don’t think your words will help on a site like this. It’s not clear whether you are a mother yourself…but I would like to think that if you have had breastfeeding experience that you would have posted a more supportive response be it good or bad, and not the practical medical claptrap you have written. There is a huge amount of pressure to breastfeed, and many many women feel terrible about being unable to or deciding not to – this site is testament to that. So tell me, in New Zealand, when you take your baby home, and after hours of trying to get your baby to latch on, and after tearful sessions of trying to express and getting nothing (or getting 10ml and promptly knocking the container over on the kitchen table…- can you tell I am talking from experience)….do you not give your baby a formula and just let them cry it out??? Come on, get real.
For the record – I posted before as Julie, but my post has been named as Anne Marie. And also for the record, I’m posting this from Scotland. And finally, my baby had formula, in hospital, on his second nighT…HEAVEN FORBID GIVEN TO HIM BY A NURSE – and guess what HE IS FINE!!!!!
Hi-
I have being pumping wxclusively for three weeks. My baby did not like to latch on form the beginning. I spend a lot of time pumping. I would like to do both formula and breast milk, but my husband disaprove of our baby getting formula because of all the additive in it. I am miserable abd feel guilty. I feel that I cannot have a social life because I have to pump at all time and when I am not pumping I am feeding the baby who digest the breast milk every hour. Also Also my nipples are sore.I do not know how to make my husband understand that I am having trouble and that it is not working for me.
hi julie, and others.midwife and mama from New zealand here. Yep, i sure have breastfed, for four years and counting(first daughter for 2 yrs, my 2 and a half yr old is still going.)So, in addition to my midwifery qualifications, I believe i am in a reasonable position to comment. The advice was not “medical claptrap” but research based,appropriate information every bf mother is entitled to have. You cannot be said to have made an informed decision to artificialy feed based on “breastfeeding wasn’t working” unless you are aware of basic normal newborn behaivour and the physiology of milk production, which is what i advised on.This was the knowledge i perceived to have been lacking on reading the comments posted.It wasn’t intended to be punitive, but helpful. In answer to your question, every woman in new zealand is entitled to, and receives, daily visits by a midwife every day for as long as needed, then weekly visits for up to 6 weeks.I guess in the US that level of support is not available. well, it should be.Breastfeeding is a feminist issue and a human rights issue. It is the first, and most significant health care choice a parent makes for their child(not a personal prejudice of mine, a world health org statement)Women need, and deserve, all support necessary to enable it.Woman who purely choose not to bf should conider the environmental and social effects of artificially feeding, (in addition to the health aspect,which many women seem to trivialize).(Pollution from packaging and production, etc)I am not posting all of this to be antagonistic!!I am a busy midwife and mummy and have better things to do than harass people. I am passionate about breastfeeding on many levels . women deserve full information: i have seen a deficit, and i respond. That is all.
To Midwide and Mama. Fair enough, you are very well placed to comment on breastfeeding etc, however I do feel that in your capacity as a health professional and more importantly an experienced breastfeeder, you would show more empathy to the women who are posting on this site. As you will know it can be a very emotional time giving birth, not to mention the days that follow, and many of us can remain in a higher emotional frame of mind in these early days and months. If my breastfeeding councillor had suggested that I ‘took a serious look at myself’ and ‘trust the cavewoman within’, I think I would have seen her off the premises!! What I needed at that time (and what I got) was support and encouragement, balanced very carefully with relevant medical information. Whilst I am not questionning your skills as a midwife or mother, perhaps counselling is not your forte, or perhaps posting on a site like this should be left to those with a gentler way with words.
Thank you all for writing your experiences. I’ve been strugling since the first day. First of all he never latched on, so it was a very painful experience for both of us for the first two weeks. Then I decide to continue with pumping instead of giving up. 8 times a day for 30 min… After going back to work on the 9th week, I started to supplement the breastmilk with formula and realized that both me and my little boy are happier and enjoying our feeding time together. Today he is 3 months old, and I decide to stop pumping. Sorry for being that bitter but, if anyone comes and tells me that she is pregnant, my first advice will be “never think of breastfeeding” because that was one of the worst and painful experiences that I had in 39 years (no latching on, not having enough milk, pain and crying while trying to breastfeed, not wet diapers for the first two days, nipple shields, cracked and bleeding nipples, 5 different lactation consultants’ inconsistent advices, being diagnosed as having yeast infection without any physical check by a lactation consultant, feeling guilty, feeling a milk cow while pumping, etc). To me it’s just not worthed.
Hi all – your comments and stories have all saved my sanity (any my wee 9 week old girl) – there are so many mothers out there who feel exactly how I am feeling – should I stop, shouldn’t I stop, what will people say, what will my Plunket nurse say … and so on and so on …. hey what about my babies health, hang on what about my health and the stress free mum that my wee girl has now, after nine weeks of worry – there is light at the end of the tunnel
Hi all – your comments and stories have all saved my sanity (any my wee 9 week old girl) – there are so many mothers out there who feel exactly how I am feeling – should I stop, shouldn’t I stop, what will people say, what will my Plunket nurse say … and so on and so on …. hey what about my babies health, hang on what about my health and the stress free mum that my wee girl has now, after nine weeks of worry – there is light at the end of the tunnel
Thank you so much for sharing this. I BF my son for all of three days, and I hated each and every second of it. It got to where when I heard him cry, my blood would run cold. Having his mouth against my breast made me want to sling my son into the wall, no lie. Switching to formula was the best decision I made. I now have three healthy boys and a beautiful daughter, and I don’t regret a damn thing.
I stopped breast feeding cold turkey and have only been doing it for 2 weeks. It is my 3rd child. The first child I breastfed for 6-8weeks, the second I made it 3 months. I am just really wanting my body back, and not have to worry about what I am eating or drinking could be affecting the baby. Time for me too, is limited, and I can’t get anything done during the day. I do feel guilty about it but am working through that. My last feeding was yesterday and I haven’t even pumped I just want to be done with it before I change my mind. She is doing fine on the bottle , with the formula. My pain however is next to unbearable. I have been taking the tylenol 3’s left from the delivery all day and I hope there wont be to many more days of this pain. I am affraid if I pump my supply will not quit and it will go on forever, but this pain is terrible.
Gosh! What a long list of comments! I have a 7 week old little boy and have been pumping since he was born due to the fact that he would not latch on. We tried and tried but it was just not happening…I have had so many different people try to get him on, all with their own technique, none of which worked! I have been deciding whether or not to stop pumping for the last week or so and have finally decided to quit. It was getting silly to be honest. I didn’t have time to do anything because when I wasn’t feeding I was pumping and really found it hard to leave the house, which was not doing myself or the baby any good. I am just starting to get to the painful part now…I have taken some mild painkillers and I am hoping it won’t last too long! I do feel guilty and its nice to hear I am not the only one but I think sometimes you have to weigh up the pro’s and con’s for your personal situation and make the decision that suits you.
So what happened when you stopped… I have done this before, but it was nine years ago and while this baby looks just like his big brother he acts like his father, he eats too fast and most of what he gets from nursing comes right back up. With the formula it stays down, fills him up, and gives me back some of the time during the day! I’ve already done laundry and dishes and it’s noon! Back to my questions… your breasts become full, hurt like crazy, and what just tuff it out?
When I quit, I got very engorged and it hurt some but not as bad as it seems to for some.
I fed Caleb twice the first day I quit and then the next day I pumped just a very small amount a could of times. Just to let the pressure off. (If you pump too much you’ll keep producing.)
This is a great forum. It is nice to hear some good information from REAL women on deciding to stop breastfeeding before the recommended 6-12 months.
I too had a horrible experience breastfeeding. Everyone in the hospital had different advice. One nurse told me to supplement because my baby wasn’t getting any milk (after the colostrum was done) and was having crystals in her diaper while the lactation nurse told me that was BS and to just have faith. Well, I ended up supplementing a little when I got home from the hospital until my milk came in (about a week later!). My baby was definitely dehydrated – she wasn’t peeing very much or pooping and her lips were so dry. It broke my heart! When my milk finally started coming in I would nurse around the clock – it was SO HARD! My baby girl had no trouble latching but would fall asleep often or act hungry but then just use me for a pacifier. So I would typically nurse for an hour before she would fall asleep. Before I knew it, she wanted to nurse again! I cried and cried, many times during the middle of the night because I was exhausted and my breasts and nipples hurt so much.
I decided to give my baby one bottle of formula every night at about 2-1/2 weeks old. After 4 weeks I quit nursing and pumped every 3-4 hours. I also was giving my baby 3 bottles of formula a day so my husband could help. Now my baby is almost 2 months old and is only getting one bottle of breast milk a day. I am pumping every 8 hours and am ready to stop completely. She is doing great on formula and I am so happy to be almost done pumping.
I also wanted to say that my baby developed some bad sleeping habits because of breastfeeding. She would typically fall asleep on my breast after she was done, so that is what she got use to doing. Especially during the middle of the night when I would also fall asleep while she was nursing. My husband and I have been working with her very hard to get her to sleep without being on or right next to one of us. It is hard work but I know we will get through it.
I can honestly say that stopping to breastfeed was the best decision for me. It was physically and emotionally draining. Everyone is different – but if you are considering stopping than don’t beat yourself up. Formula today has come a long way since 30 years ago when my mother gave me and my sister formula and we are as healthy as can be! Give yourself a LOT of credit for even trying the breastfeeding! A ton of Mommas DON’T! As one of my friends told me, “Put those boobs back in a pushup and pat yourself on the back. You done good! You are a fabulously devoted Momma. Now hand the bottle off to others so they can help with a lot of the feeding – it’s a wonderful time to bond!â€
Thank you for writing this!!
My son is 4 weeks old on Thursday and I’ve had 4 that’s FOUR episodes of mastitis already. How could this be possible? I truly don’t know why this is happening, nor do the doctors. I’m on my fourth course of antibiotics, which appear to be unresponsive now. I truly can’t take this anymore. I am obviously immune-suppressed and I need to get some sleep and rest or I’m never going to get better.
My husband and I made a decision to switch to formula so I can be a mother to our son. I cried and cried and cried about this decision, but I know this is the best one for us. There must be a reason I am getting so sick – the fevers, pain and antibiotics are not helping my son at all. Although it may be more expensive to formula feed, I am confident that this is the best decision for us. I did enjoy breastfeeding – it was all those great things BF advocates say, but medically, it just doesn’t make sense for us. I need to be a mother and that’s far more important than whether or not I’m feeding my son breast milk.
Besides, for all those who have stopped breastfeeding, we are still FEEDING our children – not starving them! To hell with the guilt! Geez. 🙂
This website is like a dream to me. My daughter is 13 days old and I have been breastfeeding ever since she was born with an occassional formula bottle in there every once in awhile. She flips from breast to bottle just fine. Last night I decided (quite tearfully) to quit breastfeeding for all of the million reasons listed above (number one being that I only produce about 10oz a day). The la leche league consultant said that i MIGHT be able to increase my milk supply after 3-4 days of straight nursing, but who has 3-4 days for a gamble like that? I also have a 3 yr old that needs her mom too—- and I feel like all I do is nurse. I cried and cried and cried over the decision as I feel defeated and I love the bond that the baby and I shared during nursing, but the emotional stress I was enduring was not worth it for me or the rest of the family. I was so glad to see that this site was here. I was actually looking for HOW to stop breastfeeding as I stopped cold turkey and my breasts are HUGE and sore and overflowing today. I did let the baby nurse for about 2 mins on each side just now to relieve some pressure in my nipples— ahhhhhh that was like a dream. I guess I’ll do that every once in awhile for a few days until I start to dry up. Ladies– thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone…. :O)
Hi all, like so many others who have stumbled across this page I’m so so relieved that I am not alone and that so many others feel exactly the same way I do. What I hate is the look every single health professional seems to give you when you tell them you are not exclusively BF or BF at all. They can really make you feel so inadequate and that you’re the worst mum in the world! That post from ‘Cavewoman within’ really p*ssed me off too. Just when you thought you’d found a safe place where you can vent, one of them infiltrates….
Anyway, I had 2 episodes of mastitis in the first couple of weeks, touch of the baby blues, and a 3 year old to consider too. One thing I’m so grateful for was my mother’s words of wisdom and encouragement, telling me that no one’s gonna give me a medal for BF and I should not feel guilty at all. If it’s so unbearable you should stop, she won’t starve and others can also have the pleasure of feeding the baby too. That was a few weeks ago, and I think now, after finding this wonderful website, minus Cavewoman from NZ, I have finally made peace and decided to stop breastfeeding my beautiful baby girl. She’s healthy, she’s strong and as babies pick up on the smallest of vibes you give off, allowing myself to be sane and happy and healthy again is the best gift I can give her, my son and my family as a whole! Thanks everyone for sharing your stories :o)
I’m glad I found this website. My daughter is a month old now and I’ve been BF her the whole time. At first she wouldn’t latch on correctly and it made my nipples sore and cracked. I saw the lactation consultant and she showed me how to get her to feed correctly. I was so sore that I couldn’t feed her for at least a day or two. I was told to put anti-biotic ointment on my nipples so they could heal. In that time I became engorged and my daughter didn’t want to nurse. I tried pumping for the first few days and all I could get was an ounce of collostrum each time. I spent no time with my daughter the first few days, I was too busy trying to get something out of my breasts to releave the engorgment (crying the whole time). Well, un-beknownst to me, I have a “flat nipple”. I had to see the consultant again because the cuts and cracks weren’t getting any better and my daughter wanted nothing to do with the flat nipple. She gave me a nipple shield which helped to get the nipple to draw out, but my nipple isn’t used to being “drawn out”. It never healed right. Well, I kept putting my daughter to the breasts because I felt it would be better to keep trying. I was also getting a lot of pressure from my husband (who couldn’t understand why I wanted to stop BF). I brought my daughter into the peds clinic the other day for a check-up because she kept crying all of the time. The doctor said that she wasn’t getting enough breastmilk and she had lost a lot of weight. I was feeding her for 45 min every 2 hours. He said I would have to supplement. So, I did and she got less fussy. The only problem was she throwing up everywhere, all of the time. I changed her formulas and found that Similac Isomil Soy w/ Iron was best for her. I decided not to breastfeed yesterday because my nipples never healed. Even pumping causes pain. I pumped the other day and my nipples came out looking like chapstick. Now, after the chapstick look-a-like contest, I have an infection in one of my breast. Can you guess which one? Yeah, the one with the “flat nipple”. I guess some things are just best left alone. I’ve quit “cold turkey” because I can’t stand the intense nipple pain. I told my husband that by helping w/ feedings he can bond with our baby, too. That seemed to help things with him. I now have more time for my 5 yr old son as well. If breastfeeding didn’t hurt so darn bad, I would still do it. Thank you for posting this. And for everyone else out there, do what is right for you and your sanity. At least you tried in the first place.
Hi all,
Thank you Stormy for posting this! I too could not find any info on how to stop breastfeeding without being bombarded with ‘BREAST IS BEST’ info. From the beginning I’ve had so many issues in trying to breastfeed. I was all gung ho that I would breastfeed my baby until 6 months and it would all go smoothly and wonderfully well because I did tons of research. Wrong! Since day one I’ve had sore, cracked and bleeding nipples, even with nurses and LC’s helping me with latch-on. Turns out I have flat nipples. On top of that my daughter is a voracious sucker and I would cry everytime she woke for a feeding. I can’t tell you how many hours I have spent crying and agonizing over breastfeeding. Since day four I have been pumping and even that is very painful! My daughter is 3 wks old today and I woke up this morning to a throbbing breast/nipple and thought to myself-I can’t do this anymore. I am having constant plugged milk ducts that are incredibly painful. I have seen a variety of Lactation Consultants, spent an enormous amount of money on them, bought a $250 electric pump which doesn’t really work for me, ended up renting a hospital pump which still hasn’t increased my supply and causes me pain, not to mention other supplies/herbs and nothing is working. I feel I have truly done everything I can to try and make this work. I simply can’t go through the pain of clogged ducts day after day. I massage, I put on heat packs, ice, salt water, you name it. I feel my daughter is really suffering as I get frustrated with her when she won’t allow me time to pump. But isn’t it all for her in the end? It’s just not working for me, and I have to feel confident with my decision to stop. Thank you so much for posting this. It’s really a relief to know there are so many mom’s out there who are struggling like I am with this decision and I just wish the best of luck to you all!
I also found this article online which helps with suggestions on how to stop breastfeeding…
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Breastfeeding-1764/stop-breastfeeding-3.htm
Thanks so much! My little one is at 5 weeks and I’m weaning him this week. The relief from the time I’ve gained has been great…especially in the middle of the night. I think I may get to sleep over an hour straight this weekend because my DH can now take over some of the feedings. I’ve gained back a lot of my sanity and think I am taking better care of him now than when I was a breastfeeding zombie. We’ll also be travelling a lot this month and having him on formula will make that a lot easier.
And as far as mama and midwife goes, we were told by our pediatrician to supplement. He told us our son would let us know if he was still hungry and this would be good to get him “cross-trained” (his word!). So, not all medical professionals out there agree that formula is evil. Babies this young don’t cry because they’re trying to manipulate; they cry because they need something from you. Thank God formula now exists in our day so we can fulfill more of our babies’ needs.
I’d love to read more about the info someone posted above that babies get the best stuff in the first 6 months. (What I really want to know is how much different will it be since I’m just past a month?)
I really appreciate your honesty about this issue. Today I made the decision to stop breastfeeding after 11 wks. and it is a hard one but I know that it is the right thing for me and my family. Noah is my second child and it has been very hard to breastfeed and handle my other child, a very active four year old. I only breastfed my first for three weeks and I was determined to stick it out this time for at least six months, but I realize that it’s better for every one that I stop now. Also, I know I’ll be returning to work in the fall and pumping at work is not an option. Anyways, it made me feel a lot better just to know that there are other mothers who love their children struggling with this issue. Best wishes to all the Moms and babies!
Thank you for posting your comments. I am a first time mother and my son just turned 4 months old. He was breast fed for his first week of his life. We had a lot of problems getting him to stay interested in it. I was determined to do this, so I’ve been pumping my milk since he was a week old and bottle feeding him with it. He took to the bottle great. I have supplemented with formula half of the time to see if he would take it. No problems. When I returned to work, I continued to pump, however I had a lot of problems with my co-workers. I work with all women and breast feeding in public would not have bothered me, but I want to be alone and relax when I pump at work. Some of my very curious co-workers would walk in on me all the time! I know they were just curious, but come on! Finally a manager offered me his office that has a lock on it. I was off work again for about a month and a half. Still pumping! It’s a hassle, but I wanted my son to have the best. I feel quilty that I want to quit just because I’m going back to work, reading all these comments has helped. I agree-a happy mother is better. I also wanted to have a natural birth, but when contractions came I called for the drugs-which I don’t regret! My advice: do what feels right to yourself and don’t worry about what other people say or think.
I want to stop breastfeeding now, after 2 weeks. My biggest problem is that my breasts are a size E and I’m very short. They are very heavy. At night, if I try to sleep 6 hours, my bed and shirt are soaked with milk. As for my size problem, no nice shirts fit me really, and I have to go back to work soon. My nipples are inverted, so I’ve been pumping every 3 hours except when I sleep and my husband watches over — that feeding is formula.
I couldn’t find any information on “how to stop” either before finding this site. Thanks. I’ve been told to use cabbage leaves for 20 minutes twice per day, and wrap a “postpartum belly wrap” around my breasts with cold packs stuffed in there. Sounds painful. I go back to work in 2 weeks, so I think I will start reducing soon and skipping more breast feedings.
I am so glad to see this post. I have beeb BF for 3 1/2 weeks, and when I went to my Dr yesterday, I broke down in tears, and told him I was so stressed about BF that it was taking a toll on my hubby and my 20 month old. I’m sure it was affecting the baby, too.
I stopped cold turkey last night, and I am IN PAIN!!!!!!!!!! how long does the pain last? My dr said not to pump even a little bit…ugh!
Whether or not to pump a little bit I think depends on whether you want a lot of pain for a short time or a slightly less amount of pain for a slightly longer time. I pumped just a bit. (Don’t let the baby nurse though – mine got really mad when I made him stop early!)
I think it took me two days to dry up.
My son is 5 months old next week and was exclusively breastfed for 3 months while I was home with him. When I returned to work I continued to nurse him morning and evening; he receives 2 bottles of pumped milk and 2 bottles of formula while I’m away from him. I am experiencing intense feelings of guilt because I have been producing less and less milk each time I pump (3-4 times/day). When I first returned to work I could express 7oz. at a sitting. After a week at work it dropped to 4oz. The past few weeks I have dropped to 3oz. Last night I got 1oz. I know he’s not getting enough from me because he now always drains both breasts (before he only ever drained one) and cries for more. I loved breastfeeding. We never had problems with it. Working full time and not getting proper nutrition or sleep so I can spend my time away from baby pumping is taking it’s toll. I sleep 5 hours/night so I can get one extra pumping session in. I use my lunch and break at work to pump and eat whatever I can in the time it takes to ride the elevator up to the room I pump in. I have one months supply frozen, which I plan to begin using. I hope to continue to bf him morning and evening, but will have to give a bottle as well, I’m sure. It breaks my heart – I was fed formula and am perfectly healthy. I know 5 months of breastmilk was a good start for him, but it’s the physical bonding I am going to miss. He really likes nursing over the bottle and so do I. I have come up with so many pros and cons for both arguments. The reality is that as a full-time working mom, it’s just not working anymore. Every day of the two months I’ve been working has been a struggle. I drag my pump and supplies to work every day and there isnt’ a day that passes that I don’t worry about my milk supply. I feel that I’m mourning this in a way. After reading all your posts I suppose I should be celebrating how easy it was for both myself and my son and the 5 months we made it. He began eating cereal a month ago and began eating babyfood today, so I guess I reached my original goal of breastfeeding until babyfood. I think as mothers we are all too hard on ourselves…a good friend told me when I became a mother that no matter how much I do for my child, I will always feel like I need to do more to be a really good mother. I think our children all think we’re great no matter what we do. Working, stay-at-home, breast or bottle feeding, single parent or married. I think in all of our cases, the decision we make to stop breastfeeding will be harder on us than it will on our children. God Bless you all and give you peace in your decisions ~
I am soooo glad that I came across this site cause like all of you, I was also looking for info on how to stop BFing. I had just given birth to our 2nd child and like the 1st, I tried BFing a few days and gave up and started to express the milk instead due to sore nipples etc. I actually dread feeding time cause that’s when I had to bite my lip and endure the pain during BFing. Anyway, I am thinking of stopping expressing my milk after 1 month and like all of you, I too have mixed emotions about it. Like many, I feel guilty as though I am depriving my child of all the goodness of BM but on the other hand – expressing my milk is just eating so much of my time! If I am not tending to the baby, I am expressing milk! I feel so much better after reading this. Thanks everyone!
well fed my first daughter for 18 months, my second 12 months…. but my son who is now 14 weeks old i have decided to stop, painful as this is and guilty as i feel, breastfeeding just doesnt fit in with my life now… i dont believe i am doing wrong,surely it is better for the whole family to be happy, which you cant be with a tired stressed mother around! been 3 days now and he is doing ok on the bottle, i need to do what makes me happy…. so do you!!!
My daughter is what the lactation consultants call a slow-gainer. She is not latching on very well and seems to get frustrated when we have to go through the routine. I am also frustrated and worried that she is not getting a lot from me. I am not enjoying it either. I thought I would but I just can’t bring myself to go through with it. After 2 weeks I’ve decided to quit and every web site I’ve visited has made me feel guilty about my decision. This post has made me realize that there are others out there like me. My friend told me that being a new mom is hard enough without the added stress of nursing. I’m so happy that I came across this post in my search, thank you for making me feel better about my decision.
hey,
My son is now 6 month and 2 week old. He never latched on to me right from the beginning. Thanks to the electric pump, i could still give him breast milk. But after he was 4 months old we gave him around 600ml of breat milk and introduced aroubd 240ml of formula. He didnt seem to have any issues with the formula.
But i am now thinking of weaning off, because it puts a lot of restrictions on my day today activites. Plus next month i am visiting India and will be in flight for 36 hrs. What do i do during those 36hrs? I cant use an electric pump in the flight and my son doesnt latch on to me.
However i am feeling extremly guilty. I know that breast milk is considered best for my baby and i am still capable of producing 400ml of milk everyday (the rest is substituted with formula and solids). So will i be causing harm to my baby’s health? I wont be able to forgive mself, if my baby would fall sick frequntly after i stopped giving him breast milk. is this just a myth of mine? is 6 – 7 months enough ?
I cannot express how much all these postings have meant to me! They totally expressed how I feel!!! I just had baby number two and she started off wonderfully breastfeeding. I was using nipple shields when I left the hospital to help her latch on. She then needed them all the time. Then for whatever reason, two nights ago, she stopped latching on all together. I considered consulting a lactation specialist, but as I had gone through this with baby number one, and had so much guilt and so much trouble, I just decided to stop altogether. It is a very hard decision, full of guilt, and subject to other’s opinions and judgements. But, overall, I needed to make a decision that would allow me to be there for my 2 year old, my husband, and myself. The sleep deprivation, the pain, the frustration, the feeling of failure every time they would not latch on…well, it just meant so much more to be able to be more sain and have more emotional time to bond with my new baby. Reading all these email have made me know even more I made the right decision and more importantly, that I am not alone!! Now if I could just get my baby to sleep longer at night : )
I cannot express how much all these postings have meant to me! They totally expressed how I feel!!! I just had baby number two and she started off wonderfully breastfeeding. I was using nipple shields when I left the hospital to help her latch on. She then needed them all the time. Then for whatever reason, two nights ago, she stopped latching on all together. I considered consulting a lactation specialist, but as I had gone through this with baby number one, and had so much guilt and so much trouble, I just decided to stop altogether. It is a very hard decision, full of guilt, and subject to other’s opinions and judgements. But, overall, I needed to make a decision that would allow me to be there for my 2 year old, my husband, and myself. The sleep deprivation, the pain, the frustration, the feeling of failure every time they would not latch on…well, it just meant so much more to be able to be more sain and have more emotional time to bond with my new baby. Reading all these email have made me know even more I made the right decision and more importantly, that I am not alone!! Now if I could just get my baby to sleep longer at night : )
I don’t have children but we are planning to in the near future. It’s nice to see advice about not bf. People that lash out at others for not doing it probably never went through what some of the posters here have gone through. I would like to try one day for as long as I can stand it, but I’ve also heard that even a few weeks worth of bf produces long-term good effects. I’ve seen lots of mom’s go through all of these feelings and switch to formula. I don’t understand how someone could say “keep going” when your baby is STARVING due to lack of production. Give that child some formula for goodness sake. As for “cave mama”, I think it’s rude to keep posting on a site that you have already agreed to disagree on. Leave these moms alone!
Thanks for the forum here, as I’d like to vent a little angst.
I’m someone who pumps every day bc I could never get our baby to latch on well. She’s 4 months now. The only thing keeping me going is that I love her and will try what I can for her, and saying to myself that I’m a third of the way to the one year mark already. If I feel like stopping before then, I know that I’ve tried to give her the best I could and I think it’s no one else’s business what I do – it’s part of my relationship with her.
Common sense tells me that it’s crazy to think it’s so critical that she be kept away from formula for the first year. She’s probably going to have vitamin supplements (like many healthy adults do) one day, so what’s the big deal?
As for trusting the opinion of the medical community, just remember that this was the same group that told us all to keep our babies on their tummies at one time (now this is linked to SIDS), and also told us all at one time to feed formula instead of breastfeeding (in that sense, aren’t they in part to blame for the lost knowledge and support for how to breastfeed in our parents’ generation? It’s ironic that they are now pointing fingers at us for not being able to do it). Finally, I’d like all of those female pediatricians that worked full time for a whole year while exclusively breastfeeding or pumping to please come forth and share the secrets of your success so that I can understand why you so easily put forth this notion that it’s what every woman should be doing!
I am praising God that i found this site. i too have been having all of these crazy feelings about breastfeeding and wanting to stop. My son is 3 weeks today and I have been miserable. I have been sick with UTI, yeast infection, hemmroids, and fever blisters since coming home with him. I feel like my body is shutting down. I cry all the time and hate feeding time. My nipples are sore and my son has had some trouble with latching and detaching for several minutes before actually feeding. He also shacks his head while feeding, which feels like he is trying to pull off my nipple. Talk about painful. So, with all this said, last night at midnight I decided to stop breastfeeding. Last week I had to stop for three days so I could take medication to clear up the UTI, so I know he will take formula. However, the guilt is overwhelming. I am actually a pediatric nurse practitioner and have actually taught women how important it is to breastfeed. The wonders of breastmilk, how could I possibly consider stopping. Reading the same emotions that have been running through my mind has been so helpful. I have hated the negative feelings I have had each time my son was hungry. Not being able to just hold him because he roots the entire time I am near. I have not told my friends that I am stopping for fear of judgment. However, for the first time in 3 weeks, I am happy. I slept last night while my mother feed the baby. I am sitting with my son, who is content, and enjoying a peaceful morning.
When I had my son in December 2004, I searched and searched for a site like this, and would end up in tears every day as all I could find was “breast is best” propaganda. My son was a miserable nurser and I cringed every time I had to feed him. It was horrible. I went cold turkey at 3 months – sports bra, cabbage leaves, cold packs, no showers for three days – and ended the madness.
So why in the world did I start breastfeeding my daugther who is 11 weeks now? The guilt. However breastfeeding her has been easy as could be. She was a natural. So it’s not just the mom – it’s the baby, too. However, I work full time and have to go back in two weeks, and I also have to travel for my job, so continued breastfeeding will not be an option. I am trying to wean her gradually and it is absolutely KILLING me. Plugged ducts, mastitis… I may have to cold turkey her as well, but am dreading the pain!!!
My son, incidently, who was only breastfed for 3 mos is the picture of health. My 3 year old nephew never received a drop of breastmilk and is also fine.
Both of my children have had no problem taking a bottle, taking a bottle from me, taking formula, switching back and forth…I think the sites that try to guilt us about how stopping impacts baby are full of bs. Maybe if the child is older it’s different, but a 2-3 month old just wants to eat.
When I had my son in December 2004, I searched and searched for a site like this, and would end up in tears every day as all I could find was “breast is best” propaganda. My son was a miserable nurser and I cringed every time I had to feed him. It was horrible. I went cold turkey at 3 months – sports bra, cabbage leaves, cold packs, no showers for three days – and ended the madness.
So why in the world did I start breastfeeding my daugther who is 11 weeks now? The guilt. However breastfeeding her has been easy as could be. She was a natural. So it’s not just the mom – it’s the baby, too. However, I work full time and have to go back in two weeks, and I also have to travel for my job, so continued breastfeeding will not be an option. I am trying to wean her gradually and it is absolutely KILLING me. Plugged ducts, mastitis… I may have to cold turkey her as well, but am dreading the pain!!!
My son, incidently, who was only breastfed for 3 mos is the picture of health. My 3 year old nephew never received a drop of breastmilk and is also fine.
Both of my children have had no problem taking a bottle, taking a bottle from me, taking formula, switching back and forth…I think the sites that try to guilt us about how stopping impacts baby are full of bs. Maybe if the child is older it’s different, but a 2-3 month old just wants to eat.
I’m so glad I found this site. My daughter never really nursed well. After about 5 weeks I started pumping and giving her breastmilk in a bottle. This was working fo awhile but she’s now 7 months old and crawling and into everything and I just don’t have the time to be tethered to a machine for 20 minutes. I’ve got a ton of frozen milk so I’d really like to stop, but I don’t know the best way to do it. I’m an OB nurse and have talked to every lactation specialist that I work with and none of them have really answered that question for me.
I am so glad I found this site. I have been struggling with breastfeeding from day 1. I had an emergency c-section, my son spent 2 days in NICU, and my milk was slow to come in. On top of that, I had trouble with not enough milk, so I had to supplement from the beginning. I have tried everything to continue breastfeeding, SNS, herbs, Domperidone, oatmeal, pumping and pumping, and then pumping some more. I am so exhausted. Now, at 5 months, my son has weaned himself from breastfeeding. He would scream every time I tried. So now I am pumping all the time, but find it very hard, and it takes away time with my son. I am feeling so guilty about quitting, but I think I need to for my own sanity. Thank you for the information. And to the woman that said that she worked with Australian Aboriginals, and they never had problems and it is all our own fault for low milk supply, how can you be so calus. I have literally tried everything I can think of to increase my supply, and nothing worked to the point that I could not give some supplement. Maybe you should consider other people and their situation before posting such remarks!
Thanks for posting this its so nice to see that others are going through the same dilema as me.
I tried to BF my first daughter but she was so sleepy from Jaundice she was a very lazy feeder and I was severely aneamic so my milk supply wouldn’t establish. so we switched to bottle after 12 days..
With my second daughter i tried to BF again and at first it looked promising she was feeding ever 1-2 hours day and night and was appearing satiated after feeds she was producing wet and dirty nappies but she was LOSING weight rather than gaining, which was a huge blow as I understood my first daughter not gaining as she hardly fed but my second daughter (now 4 weeks old) was feeding constantly but losing weight.
So we started to do top-ups but she started to then get really fussy at the breast and after a week or this I decided to switch to the bottle as the anxiety of whether she was getting anything at the breast was really dragging me down!
I was expressing for a while but on one sitting I expressed 4oz and it appeared to be all foremilk! so i lost faith in that too
Amy pretty engorged at the moment but hope it’ll calm down soon..
I have to remind myself that my first daughter who is 20 months now is healthy, bright and happy so my feeding choices have done her no harm
I am also so grateful to see these postings and know that I am not alone in feeling guilty and disappointed, but relieved at my decision to stop trying to use my breast milk. I had twins at 34 weeks with pre-eclampsia, they were fine except needed to grow in the NICU for a couple weeks, but that was enough to get them used to a bottle nipple. My production was never that great even with pumping every 2 hours. I had gained about 20 pounds of water weight in the last several weeks of the pregnancy from the preeclampsia and afterwards the water weight rapidly came off…and then I kept losing weight which I thought was still water weight. I had basically no appetite though and so it was not just water I was losing. This may have contributed to poor milk production too, but the biggest factor I think was STRESS over trying to nurse and SLEEP DEPRIVATION. My Mom would even help bottle feed at night (the babies have bad reflux so feeding is a 60-90 minute session) so I would just wake up to pump and go back to bed, and then I’d feel bad at not being the one to feed them. After mastitis, the poor output, trying to stimulate by putting them to the breast with the SNS (supplement nursing system) contraption and nipple shields, and basically doing nothing but pumping and nursing for several weeks, I decided to stop. With more rest I have started to eat more, so I think the low appetite was exhaustion not postpartum depression. Thanks to all the moms who have affirmed their babies are fine not breastfeeding. My little ones are 5 weeks old now and I am hoping I can say the same in several months!
I just had my first baby boy on June 21, 2007 and have been in an emotional roller coaster since he was born. I had not been enjoying motherhood at all due to breastfeeding issues (sore nipples, inproper latch on, difficulty in meeting his hungry demands every hour or 1.5 hours, no sleep at all, and not being able to take care of myself). I had hired a Lactation Consultant and spent $200 (US Dollars) and went through numerous exercises with her which didn’t work or make the breastfeeding any easier. I also bought a breast pump (another $300) and could not find time to pump regularly so was afraid I would not be able to produce enough milk for my baby’s next feeding. Also, I felt that everything I ate was bothering my baby b/c he was having horrible gas and pains after feedings. It is now 2 weeks after his birth and since yesterday, I have only been giving him formula (nestle goodstart) and it has been a world of difference. I’m grateful to hear that there are other women out there like myself!
Thank you for posting all this information on a website for women to read. I am a practicing physician who just had my first child in May 2007. I know the benefits of breastfeeding like decreasing the risk of GI, respiratory, and ear infections as well as decreasing the risk of obesity and providng a child with a higher IQ. So, obviously, I tried breastfeeding. My baby would latch on, but unfortunately would bite down with her gums which are made of bone!!! I was in tears with each feed. I went to lactation specialists for help and was in more pain after the consultations. So, I decided to pump my milk and bottle feed my child. I was pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock even when my child and husband slept!!! I had to set an alarm clock to wake up on time. I was always tired. I could not leave the house without my pump (I even had to pump in restroom stales!!). After 6 weeks of soley pumping, my nipples cracked. I used special “healing” creams which did not work well b/c my nipples needed to rest from the constant friction/pressure from the pump. Over 2 weeks, I extended the pumps to every 4 hours which was against the advice of my lactation specialist’s advice, but still produced 5 ounces a feed. My freezer is a milk production factory. After 7 weeks, i am trying to stop this craziness!!! I have been told to drop a feed every 5 days which leaves me engorged with blocked ducts. The reason why I am writing this note is to inform woman that the benefits of breastfeeding is ONLY good while they are breastfeeding. The risk of infections like GI/respiratory/Ear decreases only while getting breast milk so if you breastfeed for 1 month vs 3 months…the later person, only protects her child by an additional 2 months compared to the person who breastfed for 1 month. Also, the higher IQ is only if you breastfeed for 6 months straight and the higher IQ is by 2 points!!! (a bad day on the medical board exam can make me lose 2 points!!!) Is this enought info to make it worth the craziness, the pain, and the tears of breastfeeding??? Not for me anymore!!! I still have at least another month of pumping before this nightmare is over b/c I still have another 5 feeds to drop. I applaud all those women who can breastfeed till 1 year of age. So far, I have spoke to many female doctors as well as other childbearing women…NOT one person has had a joyous experiencing breastfeeding, but I still tilt my hat to all mothers who can breastfeed their babies! Hope this information helps someone out there 🙂
I delivered my baby on 5/28/07. He was 4 weeks early, but healthy. In the hospital, I had the nurses give him a bottle during the night(the nurse recommended so I could rest) and I tried to BF during the day. He would latch on every now and then, but most the time he would just sleep. After 3 days he developed jaundice and was always falling asleep at the breast. I could not wake him up for the life of me. I hated the whole BF experience. I pumped my milk and would only get a total of 3 oz with each pumping…sometimes 4 if I was lucky. BF and pumping, I felt like a factory. After a couple of weeks, I bought nipple shields to help him latch on and that worked right away. I also think the fact that he was bigger and stronger helped him to latch on also. I stopped the nipple shields after about 1 week. When baby was 4-5 weeks he wanted to eat about every hour. I did not know about the growth spurt. If I did I would have let him go on the breast when he wanted it. I did not know about the “supply and demand” aspect. At 5 1/2 weeks we took the baby up to our cabin. I felt trapped. I was depressed and felt that I could not do anything but feed the baby. My husband and I were/are fighting like crazy. I am sleep deprived. I am contemplating giving up the BF altogether and just give him formula. This past week we started giving formula at night, when he is fussiest and also began giving him some when he is still hungry after BF. He is fine with the formula. Today I almost gave up on BF. I feel so guilty. I spoke to the lact. consultant and she said she would rather me give some formula instead of giving up BF altogether. I just don’t know what to do. I know I will be much happier giving up the BF, but I will also feel guilty about it. I know the BM is so much better for him. I am just tired of watching everything I eat, fighting with my husband, not sleeping, feeling trapped, sore nipples, what else????
WHEN MY SON WAS BORN ALMOST 5 YEARS AGO I BREASTFED HIM FOR 2 MONTHS AND FELT NO GUILT AT ALL FOR QUITING. MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN 2 WEEKS AGO AND AFTER CRACKED AND BLEEDING NIPPLES, CLOGGED DUCTS AND SEEING 2 LAC CONSULTANTS I DECIDED TO JUST PUMP. THE REAL PROBLEM WAS I WAS PUMPING FOR 20 MIN EVERY 2 HRS THEN FEEDING HER AND DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO TAKE CARE OF MY SON. I’VE SPENT DAYS CRYING OVER THIS UNTIL YESTERDAY WHEN I DECIDED TO GO COLD TURKEY AND EVEN THOUGH I’M ENGORGED I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH BOTH MY KIDS!!
thank you so much for posting this! i have a 3 week old (caleb!) and ive nursed exclusively for those 3 weeks. it turns out i dont love it – i almost resent the feedings and i have not been able to find anyone or any site that was supportive of me stopping “just because”. i almost wish there was a REASON to quit. but, like you, i have enough milk, caleb is latching on and eating fine, gaining lots of weight and all that 🙂 im just going nuts nursing him for an hour at a time – every three hours. my boobs cant take it!
so thank you again for helping to let me know that im not alone out here, and that im not a bad mother for not wanting to continue on like this. the links you offered have helped a lot. 🙂
I am so glad I found this web site and have read all your postings. My daughter is 2 months and I have decided to stop feeding. It has been so hard to find information on how to care for your breasts if you decide to stop and this forum has been very helpful.
I made allot of newbie mistakes when trying to BF and I wonder if I could have prevented some of my problems had I knew then what I know now. I also spent money on a lac. consultant (who was a very wonderful person and I can’t say enough about how wonderful she was). I wish I had seen my lac. consultant the day I was in the hospital that was my first mistake. If I had her in the beginning I think it would have gone better.
I had problems with latching my baby. She was chomping down on my nipple and I wasn’t getting enough of the areola in her mouth. That went on for 3 days! I was in tears constantly because I was sure I wasn’t doing it right. I dreaded feeding my baby, I didn’t want to put her on my breast. I was on the brink of quiting then. My husband finally researched BF on the internet and found diagrams. He was so helpful and supportive in helping me latch the baby. But it wasn’t until I saw my lac. consultant 7 days after my baby was born that I finally started to have no pain when latching. She instantly corrected all my problems.
I also didn’t know about the growth spurt thing and didn’t understand why my baby wanted to feed every hour in that first week. My fear was that I had no milk and she was starving. And as it turned out in my case she was starving! I was only producing half of what she needed. So we had to begin supplementing her with formula. I started to pump my breasts exclusively not long after that and I was only pumping at best 12 ounces a day, about 2 ounces per pumping. My baby being a 9 pounder needed 22-24 ounces of food a day.
Then to add insult to injury my period returned at the 6 week mark. When my period returned I was only pumping 4 ounces a day. I asked my doctor if my milk would return and he said that it could when my hormone levels changed after my period was over. He was very supportive and gave me a very knowing expression and said “it hardly seems worth it for 4 ounces, huh?”. He encouraged me to wait a few days after my period before I made a final decision. I was going to keep pumping if my 12 ounces a day returned, but it has not. At best I’ve been getting 5 ounces.
I hate giving up and I don’t quit easily on things. I too feel so guilty, like my body has failed, like I have failed. This is going to keep bothering me for some time I think.
thank you! I have to make the decision soon…
My 11 month old Daughter has been breastfed since birth and it has been a roller coaster the whole time. She did well after my sister showed me exactly how to get her to latch on and I told myself that if I could make it to 6 months then I would be so proud of myself. Everything went well when I stopped pumping and after 3months my nipples stopped hurting, bleeding etc… I wanted to quit breastfeeding but now the doctor told me that she has failure to thrive. She eats 7 times a day and has some table food in between. When she nurses though it is only for 3-4 min on each breast at a time. At night, we do give her breastmilk in a bottle and that is 6-7 ozs. plus cereal. I only think that she is getting 2-3 ozs. at her breastfeeding sessions during the day. Lately she has been refusing to nurse and refusing the bottle. I tried to figure it out and I think that she is only getting around 20 ozs. and day. The pediatrician is telling me to give her more table food but I feel that the milk is more important. I’m changing her diapers more out of the smell of urine than the fact that they are really wet. She may have two or three really wet diapers a day. He sent her for blood work and they found out that her platelet count was high and something with her Thyroid was high. But he said that as long as she was happy and meeting milestones, they aren’t going to do any more tests for a while and see if she gains weight on her own. When she was born she was 7lbs 10ozs and she weighs now 17 and half lbs at 11 months. She started out at the 50th percentile and has gradually made it down to 10th percentile. I’m so concerned that something is really wrong and I don’t want her to end up in the hospital. It is such a fight for her to nurse or take a bottle, it is like she is never hungry and she used to be. She is just so busy playing and crawling around that she doesn’t want to eat. Can someone give me some advice. My husband’s family is small and mine is average. Is it maybe that she is just going to be small?
I also forgot to say that she won’t take formula milk or soy. The only thing she will take is breastmilk sometimes. I also had failure to thrive at 6mo. and was put into the hospital and they never found anything wrong with me as a baby. I’ve been thin my whole life.
Thank god for this site! It has been extremely helpful. My daughter had jaundice when she was born & kept falling asleep at the breast. We tried everything to keep her awake and feeding as in order to get rid of the jaundice, she needed to feed. This was a vicious cycle as she wasn’t feeding so we couldn’t get rid of the jaundice. She lost 13% of her birthweight in the first week and was dehydrated. Our midwife recommended that I continue to breastfeed and did so & felt that we were getting somewhere – she was latching on, looked like she was finally feeding & not falling asleep. When midwife came back to weigh her, she had gained nothing. This was a huge blow, to say the least. I was then told to put her on the bottle & to express & top up with formula which I have been doing for the last 2 weeks. She has finally reached her birthweight but only just. I went to the pediatrician to make sure she didn’t have an infection or something that was preventing her from putting on weight and the doc told me to increase my feedings; put her back on the breast to nurse to help the quality of my milk and then to top her up with the bottle & to pump right after! I burst into tears as I would literally be doing only that all day long and still not know how much milk she was getting (she HAS TO HAVE at least 3 oz / feeding). I would be making her work so hard to feed, my nipples can’t take it, I’m missing out on spending time with her, the anxiety is tremendous, the pressure & stress is effecting my marriage and it’s a constant buzz of the pump. Have decided to stop bf all together and feel a huge amount of relief. I know that just the fact am not anxious & stressed is better for my daughter, my family and my sanity however still fill guilty but am hoping that will go soon. This site has helped so much! Am now just pumping once a day in the morning to relieve some pressure and hope I will dry up soon so I can get my life back and start enjoying being a mother. Thanks to everyone who has posted their stories!! Remember, doing what’s best for you will absolutely be what’s best for your darling child. Happy mommy = happy baby! Lots of love and support xoxoxo
I stopped breastfeeding my 2nd child about a week ago. I did not wean, even though it may have been less painful if I did. I was away from home for a week (with my baby). I forgot to bring the tubes for my breastpump, so I could ony breastfeed him. Since he was born, I have had more milk than I needed, coming out too fast. My nipples have been very sore the whole time. After 4 days of only being able to breastfeed, I finally got some tubes to pump the extra milk and be able to feed some bottles. Then one night a few minutes after I had started pumping, I looked down and saw the bottle had pumped about an ounce of blood and milk. I started freaking out. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had said that I would try to stick it out for another month, but I just couldn’t stand the pain and stress that it was causing me. I didn’t even want to pump anymore because of the blood incident. So I haven’t breastfed or pumped in 1 week. My breasts were already full when I made the decision and got the cabbage leaves, so I started from full when I put the cabbage on. I haven’t found much info about what to do when you are going cold turkey like this.
Thank you so much for this info! I am trying to stop due to Mastitis and a flat nipple and still feel guilty. We all can’t do it! Thanks again1
I’m one of you guys, and grateful also for stumbling upon this site.
I’m a doctor, and am used to telling mothers during pedia visits that they really should give BF top priority. I was somehow aware that it wasn’t easy for some, so during my pregnancy, I’d always say that I planned to BF, with a little disclaimer, “I hope I can do it.”
My main problem was my inverted nipples (latching problem), but even when I was sort of able to address this by using nipple shields, I was feeling most of everything described on this site: fatigue and exhaustion, frustration (when he can’t latch properly), feeling stuck to my baby and unable to attend to other responsibilities…with strength afforded by reading the entries here, I can now say “I was very unhappy!” I found myself dreading feeding him–and the stress I felt especially at night time when I had no help from anyone (I had other family members to help out during the day), I felt, kept me from enjoying him and bonding with him (ironically) during the day and in general. I was really forcing the exclusive BF thing the whole 3 weeks leading up to his first pedia visit, and it was causing me so much stress. I feel a big part of why I wanted to tough it out was the fact that as a doctor, I somehow felt I had to practice what I preached, but I think it was more of a pride thing, thinking if they can do it (and I ask them to do it), so can I.
I guess I want to share with my fellow doctors (and other health care professionals) my experience, and to exhort all of us not to be so judgmental. The first few weeks (even months) after delivery is a very emotionally, hormonally turbulent time for most moms, and we can do without the added pressure to “give the best gift for baby.” I believe mothers, not just at this crucial time, need to be encouraged NO MATTER WHAT decision they’ve made about BF.
Good job all of you for giving it your best. I am actually still breastfeeding, and plan to go to about 6 months or so. My daughter is 2 months. I had a very difficult time at first, but had an excellent lactation consultant to work with. Still afterward, I had one side that was just much more tender than the other, but it eventually (after about 7 weeks) got better. The nursing is going well. However, I hate pumping. It takes forever, I can’t get much out, and, yes, I feel like a cow. My husband and I go out nearly weekly on dates (sanity saver!) and so now that I am out of pumped milk, we will be suplementing with formula.
I supplemented with my first daughter starting at about 5 months, as I was taking an evening class. I then supplemented a couple feedings/day after that, then stopped at 9 months when she bit me and drew blood. So, for those wanting to know how to quit without going cold-turkey-engorgment, just go slow. If you’re pumping, just don’t pump as much. Reduce it slowly, and you won’t be huge all the time. It takes longer, but you might like it better. If it’s taking too long, just stop! 🙂
Who cares what other people think about your breastfeeding? In response to the Midwife from NZ: I sure am happy that we have so many medical advances that allow us to not live life the way they did 100 years ago. Should we outlaw blood transfusions and organ transplants? Yes, it would be nice to have perks of other medical systems, but I’m glad to have the one I have here in the US. Worldclass.
Be informed and make your own decision.
A couple of afterthoughts:
1. If you stop nursing and change your mind, you can often start it up again with pumping. This stimulates the breast into producing milk again. From what I understand, you can only do this up to a week or so after lactation stops.
2. I liked nursing a whole lot more the second time around. The first time was a duty, which I did not like. Give it a shot with the next baby, things may be different. (Even though it took about 7-8 weeks to be pain-free, it really is a sweet experience this time.)
Also, here is the information so many want: An article on how to stop cold turkey (and dealing with engorgement) or gradually reducing through pumping:
http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/breast/AS-lacsuppression.htm
It is refreshing to see this article. There are so many people who say you should keep breastfeeding no matter what. I breastfed my daughter for around three weeks before I stopped. Main reasons: sore breasts (although not as sore as some of the people I’ve read on here), took to much time, and I just didn’t really like it that much. After that, I would occasionally pump, but I was sick of having sore breasts (on top of everything else), and that too took up a lot of time that could be spent with my child. I switched to supplement and never felt guilty about it. My husband didn’t give me any arguments over it either, so that helped. My daughter actually switched over quite nicely. She never became fussy, and has been the picture of health even afterwards. I don’t know why deciding to not breastfeed your children is so looked down upon with some women. Many people where formula fed and they are fine. I myself was a formula baby. My mother never breastfed me. Guess what, I’m healthy, have a BA degree, and I’m fluent in Japanese. Giving your child supplement will not kill them or damage them in the end. Yes, the breast milk is healthy and can help prevent certain illness, but so does not letting them around smoke, feeding them fruits, and doing baby exercises with them . Just because it’s a natural thing doesn’t mean that everyone should do it, even if they don’t want to, or if it’s causing more harm than good. If you like to breastfeed, then good, but don’t go around telling others that they are wrong for choosing not to. In the end, one needs to make sure that they don’t let their children eat the wrong things like junk food, don’t let them become couch potatoes, and make sure that overall they have good morals, work ethic, and eating habits. Breastfeeding is not the be all that determines how healthy and how good a child will be.
What a bunch of quitters!! Get tough or just choose to feed you baby a bunch of shit!!
Wow “Marykatherine” what an understanding and compasionate person you must be! And what an eloquent way of expressing your thoughts! It is women like you and those LaLeche breast-nazis that cause women to quit sooner than later b/c rather than offering support and encouragement you simply pass judgement and act all high and mighty.
Stormy- thank you for your post, and thanks to everyone who has posted a comment. I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 3 months. I am planning to stop and feel guilty, even though my husband and family are totally supportive. My mother had trouble breatfeeding – I was formula fed over 30 years ago and you know what…. I am healthy, I am smart, I have never been overweight, I have never had any major allergy issues or the illnesses that we are told breastfeeding helps to prevent, and before she passed away, my mother was my best friend- so I don’t think you need to breastfeed to establish the mother/child bond! I agree with all those who say a happy mom is best!
All of these comments are very shocking and sad to me. It’s strange to read that so many people feel inundated by breastfeeding “propaganda”; as someone who is intending to breastfeed for at least two years, I can tell you that I feel as if there is enormous pressure to bottlefeed formula. Formula feeding is the norm in American society; something like 90% of mothers do it after the first month. I, for one, think it’s a shame.
There’s an overabundance of misinformation floating around out there: This post and its replies is proof of that. For example:
– Pump output has nothing to do with what your breasts are producing. Your baby is the most efficient way to get milk out of your breasts; even a hospital-grade pump can’t match it. I can’t pump more than four ounces a session using one, and that seems to be about average. If you’re pumping instead of nursing, it’s going to be more difficult to feed your baby in the long run.
– A baby isn’t frustrated at your breast because he or she is hungry. S/he’s frustrated because s/he’s a baby. They get pulled out of your womb into a big, wide world, where they feel weird things (hunger, bathroom urges, heat, cold) and see new things and everything is just very, very different. Plus, they’re growing, and growing hurts. Besides, all babies have fussy periods, and late afternoon is a peak time for it.
– A baby wanting to nurse all the time is absolutely normal. That’s what they do. The more time spent at the breast, the more milk you will produce. They’re not just doing it to eat more, but to get you to produce more for future eating.
– “I worry that the baby isn’t getting enough.” If the baby’s producing a proper number of wet and dirty diapers and gaining weight, there’s nothing to worry about.
– ANY formula you give a baby will cut into your supply. Any time you give a bottle and don’t pump, your body is getting the signal that it doesn’t need to produce milk at that time. It becomes a vicious cycle.
– A baby sucking down everything you give it in a bottle doesn’t mean that it’s hungry. They’ll eat from a bottle whether they’re hungry or not, partly because if they don’t, they’ll choke, especially with fast-flow nipples, and partly because if you put something in a baby’s mouth, the baby will suck on it. And if it sucks on a nipple, it’s going to get fed.
– As far as flat nipples go, I have nipples that are as flat as can be. It’s more difficult getting my daughter to latch, but it’s totally possible. Try the “breast sandwich.”
– You’re not going to love every minute of it. Do you love every diaper change, or every middle-of-the-night feed even if you’re serving formula? You’re not a bad mother if you hate breastfeeding sometimes.
As far as a lack of sleep goes, look into co-sleeping. I’m rarely tired during the day because of it, and I’ve got a fairly high-needs baby.
Breastfeeding can be tough, but that’s largely because there’s so much misinformation and so little support. The way I look at it is that motherhood is partly a sacrifice, and I’m willing to sacrifice whatever I need to in order to provide my children with the best.
I applaud any woman who even tries breastfeeding, since that alone is going against the grain. But I also sincerely hope that they’ll stick with it, despite problems, and educate themselves as much as possible about what exactly is normal when it comes to breastfeeding. It does improve with time, and it’s the healthiest food option for baby AND mom.
Seriously, if you don’t want to do what nature expects you to do as a mother, you should not have kids. It’s plain laziness and weakness of character. Breastfeeding is natural and it is best for your baby. You don’t have an illness to prevent you from breastfeeding; you just put yourself before your child. Breastfeeding is tough, motherhood is tough – If you can’t deal with it, why be a mum? You can’t even make a much needed sacrifice!
Another thing stormy – It’s not like you had mastitis or bad case of thrush repeatedly to even complain. There are many mums out there who go through all that and still breastfeed their babies. Shame on you!
Breastfeeding was extremely painful for me for the first three months. The first few days breastfeeding was more painful than labor. My breasts became engorged, but I couldn’t stand the pain of having the baby latch on. I saw a lactation consultant, who said I was doing everything right. I gave myself a break and bought a Medela pump. I pumped around the clock, which made me feel like I was missing the time with my baby.
I’m a nurse, and the truth is no human function is easy all the time. And breastfeeding has a learning curve. For the mom and for the baby.
I took a break from nursing for several weeks, and then started breastfeeding once a day, then twice a day, until I didn’t have to pump anymore-by three months.
My baby still nurses now at 15 months, and everything is going well. But, I can understand why some people stop early. For me, though, I’m glad I stuck it out a little while longer. The first months were torture, but now I have a happy baby who has only been sick twice so far.
And that’s what it’s all about. However you get there, we are all just trying to raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted little girls and boys.
Every woman’s experience is unique. No one else can tell you how much you can tolerate. But if breastfeeding is important to you, make sure you have seen a lactation consultant or two and that you have gotten support from other women who are breastfeeding.
Breastmilk is very good for your baby, and will probably shorten some illnesses and prevent a few colds or some diarrhea. But formula doesn’t hurt the babies–it just doesn’t have any of the “extras”.
It’s just one of many decisions we all have to make. Should we work or should we stay home? Where should we send our child to school? What should my little boy eat for lunch today?
Breastfeeding it a good decision, but it’s not the only decision we all have to make that affects the happiness and security of our babies. It is probably not going to be the deal breaker.
This post, and most of the comments to it make me sad. I am not a special person, I am not a strong person, and I DEFINITELY do not have a high pain tolerance. But I breastfeed. It is not only best for my child, but it is best for my own health.
Pain? I know all about it. I have had mastitis seventeen times, and have required surgery for it once. I am really alarmed at the number of women who are STOPPING because they have “recurrent” mastits in just a few weeks. For one, it is not recurring, it was just never treated properly, so it never went away. And second, weaning is the WORST way to treat mastitis — unless you like the idea of having recurring infections for a lifetime.
I have dealt with most of the so-called “problems” in these comments. Honestly, most of these “problems” are simply normal things that happen to everybody.
I wanted to type more, but my toddler is waking up, and he needs to nurse.
I did not have the easiest time with breastfeeding. I had an emergency C-section and it was several hours before I got to nurse my daughter for the first time. We’ve had our problems. I’ve had mastitis twice, thrush, sore nipples and supply issues. I also have flat nipples. I’ve nursed through all this, as well as the flu, 2 stomach bugs, and a massive kidney infection that landed me in the hospital. It was hard, but I stuck with it. I am still nursing my now 16 month old daughter.
No one ever said breastfeeding was easy. Being a parent is hard at times too. Are you going to give that up too?
I don’t get it. How is nursing inconvenient?
Which takes more time – preparing and warming a bottle of formula or letting your infant to latch on and get it already warm, straight from the tap?
I have to say to everyone that has quit or that is trying to quit. All of you are VERY selfish. Just because formula is out there being propogated by the formula companies to make you spend money on their crap then in turn making you spend money on their medicine products because your baby is constipated, sick, has a cold, fever…….. doesn’t mean you have to buy into it.
My son was breastfed for over 2 years. My son contacted Meningitis at 3.5 years. He should have died. HE DIDN’T! Why didn’t he? Because I sacrificed for my children. NONE of you are willing to do that. His doctors say that he should have died but he didn’t because I breastfed him. Just wait until your child gets an illness that formula doesn’t protect against because you didn’t give your baby an immune system to protect it.
You are selfish, you are all ignorant, you need to get over yourselves and actually do what GOD and NATURE gave you. We are mammals because we have mammary glands. We produce milk for our offspring. Our babies are NOT baby cows. We should NOT be drinking milk from another species. If your child suffers from asthma, try cutting ALL dairy out of their diet. You will see that it will have an effect on your child.
Why do we have so many immuinzations in the first 2 years of life? Because for the past 150 years, mothers have not been breastfeeding their babies. A baby gets it immunity from its mother. So if you skipped 4 generations of getting immunities from your mom, grandma, great-grandma, great-great-grandma….. then you won’t be protected against an illness they were exposed to but didn’t die from.
Stop living inside your conveinent little box and actually stop giving excuses for why you HAVE to quit. SUCK IT UP! If you are not willing to sacrifice for your children, then kill them now to protect them from all the “bad things” in life. Hey why you are at it, why don’t you cut off your breasts? Since you are not using them for what GOD and NATURE intended for them!!! Breasts are NOT sex objects even though the media says they are. Oh and if hubby wants to “suck on your breasts” while having sex, put a bottle of formula, ie SHIT, in his mouth or give him a pacifier to soothe him.
I am so happy i found a site that supports moms that wish to stop breastfeeding. My baby is a little over 3 weeks, and we have been through a lot with breastfeeding. We’ve had troubles since her birth, difficulty latching, sore, cracked and bleeding nipples, cranky baby, and lots of tears on both parts!!! It has been a very difficult 3 weeks, but today i have made the decision to stop and build a better relationship with my precious newborn. When i was breastfeeding, she cried heavily everytime because she could not latch properly, this also made me feel imcompetent in my part. I can relate to many of the comments that i read, and this makes me feel less lonely. Thanks to everyone who shared their story, because it is positive support that a new mother needs. Thank you again!!!
I have been attempting to breastfeed my son for the last three weeks. He still isn’t up to his birthweight (or even close), despite the fact he’s generally feeding every 2.5 to 3 hours, for an hour at a time. I have changed my diet to try to get more protein in my milk, and the midwife is coming tomorrow to weigh him, but I’m not optimistic as he doesn’t look substantially bigger. I decided today that whatever the outcome I will decrease BF’s to 2 feeds a day (if that doesn’t make me dry up) and the rest will be formula. When I had my daughter, who is 3, my milk never came in, so after a week, as she was losing weight constantly, I switched to formula. She piled on the weight, and is now a very healthy toddler. It’s taken me about a week of basically crying my eyes out constantly to make this decision, but after having my daughter say to me, in tears, ‘why don’t you play with me any more, mummy?’, and the fact that I have started to dread (and what’s even worse for me) resent having to nurse my son, and the constant worry about whether he is ok and what exactly he’s getting from me, I am sure this is the right decision. Hopefully the 2 feeds will provide him with enough breastmilk, but if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. My daughter never got that, and as I said before, she’s fine.
SO… to all you breast nazi’s (or mammary mafia, as I prefer to think of it) who have decided to post on this site even though our decisions are really NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS… if you want to think I’m a quitter, go ahead. I have no reason to believe that my son won’t be as healthy as my daughter is, and both my husband and myself were also formula fed and hey, guess what? We are both fine! I don’t spend most of my time hospitalised, and neither does he. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even get most of the common childhood diseases. Oh yeah, and when my daughter got chicken pox, was she rushed to intensive care? Did we need to call an ambulance? No. She was poorly for about 4 days and had 15 (yes, fifteen) spots. And that was it. Obviously she’ll probably spontaneously combust later in life through lack of breastmilk antibodies, but I’ll save my guilt before it happens. And another thing, especially for Dagny. If you’re so mad keen on GOD and NATURE, I sure as hell hope that you are living in a wattle and daub hut and cooking over an open fire. Natural, right? And what the hell do you think you’re doing using a computer? God’ll be very cross. And presumably you make your own clothes from animal hide too. Because, and I realise this may be news, electricity, sewing machines, bricks, man made fibres and all that other good stuff were INVENTED BY US, just like formula. AND…just like special care baby units, C- Sections, epidurals, and all the things which make us much less likely to die when we give birth. Or do you think that not dying in agony because you are unable to deliver your baby is ‘selfish and ignorant’ as well.
Anyhoo, sorry to babble, but what I really mean to say is that if you don’t like my decision then BITE ME. Or, considering the subject under discussion, maybe SUCK ME would be more appropriate…
Oh yeah, and two other things.
1. My husband just told me that he was half hoping that tomorrow, when the midwife comes, our son wouldn’t have put on that much weight, as it would force the issue and make me bottlefeed anyway. He can’t deal with the fact I’ve been so completely unhappy.
2. And this is no word of a lie. My friend knows someone who has three children. Two of them were bottlefed, one breastfed. Two are very healthy, but one has asthma, ezecma and all sorts of food allergies. Guess which one? The breastfed one. And I repeat, this is completely true.
Add me to the people struggling with breastfeeding. I am so grateful for this post and that there are other women who are not part of the “mammary mafia” who make it sound like either an all hearts and bubbles experience or cannot wait to share their stories of sacrifice and strife to earn their Breastfeeding Martyr badge. And despite my raised hackles, I really hate that somehow this has turned into another way to divide women rather than supporting each others’ choices or working towards solutions that are beneficial to all of us.
I have to go back to work. I cannot continue to feed my child every two hours for 40 minutes to an hour and still have a job. My job is how we afford things like health insurance–my husband is self-employed and his pay is not regular. If the World Health Organization and the APA wants women to breastfeed for 6-12 months–then where they need to focus their attention now is getting employers to provide reasonable maternity leave and not a little closet in which to pump. The toll breastfeeding takes is a real one in terms of lack of sleep, the increased need for food, and the efforts to maintain a healthy diet. Toss in another child or two and a minimum of a 40 hour work week, and that goal is just not all the reasonable.
Right now, my son ONLY views me as a food source. If I hold him, he wants to eat or things he should be eating soon-the smiles, the playing, the hanging out? Dad gets all of that. The grandparents get all of that. Anyone else who holds him gets all of that. And I don’t get the happy blissed out “ain’t motherhood grand?” feeling from breastfeeding that many women seem to. I feel put upon, it ranges from painful to merely unpleasant, and I can’t get a blessed other thing done in my life because my sole purpose now is feeding my child. And I don’t enjoy it. And I wonder how much that might be affecting him.
I haven’t quit yet because of the benefits of breastfeeding, which I have to admit, I’ve begun to question. Both my husband and I were formula fed. We’re both college graduates, and I have a doctorate. My husband’s never been hospitalized and I’ve only been hospitalized twice–once to have my adenoids out and once to have my son. Neither one of us is on any kind of medication or have any chronic health problems of any kind. We both of excellent relationships with our mothers who are active and caring grandmothers now.
I stumbled upon this site while looking for a way to wean my 14 month old. I didn’t find that, but what I did find is a very interesting bunch of comments. Breastfeeding is hard, period. I nursed my first daughter until she was 13 months old and then she weaned herself, even though one of my nipples is inverted, she latched right on and everything went very well. My nipples were very sore, but I dealt with it. My second daughter was the exact opposite, she would latch on and then not being patient enough for my milk to let down, start screaming bloody murder. I actually had to use one of the supplement tubes just so she would get something to eat right away, this went on for about 3 weeks. It was horrible, I really hated it and I probably would have stopped but I had nursed my other daughter for over a year and it was so easy I knew that eventually all would be all right. And it was, it took about 2 months before we could breastfeed comfortably, but we did it.
Now I don’t agreed with the breast nazis saying that you are weak or a bad parent if you feed with formula, I think that is a personal decision and that it is nobodys business but your own. Everyone has their own reasons for whatever they decide to do. I just wanted to share my reasons for nursing for as long as I did with my kids. I almost wish that it was something as noble as giving them the health benefits or bonding, but sadly it is not. I am just too cheap to spend good money on formula when I produce the stuff for free. I know that is probably the most pathetic reason ever, but it’s true. With formula costing upwards of $100 a month, more when they are older I just couldn’t stomach that, so I stuck with it even though it was horrible. I really don’t understand what the uproar is all about, if you want to pay for formula more power to ya. I don’t go to lll meetings because of that reason, they are all crazy organic freaks. Me, I am just a cheapskate. Anyhow whatever you decide to do that is nobodys business but yours. Whatever can be done to make parenthood happier I am all for, whether it is breat or bottle.
Thanks for this, i went cold turkey after 5 weeks, i tried the weening thing but she wants to feed every 1hr even at night and i was so exhausted i couldnt pump anymore. i am sitting her in pain with a sports bra on and probably matistis, it is killing me, plus before i stopped feeding i would get clogged ducts the miracle times she ate 3 hrs instead. She seems happier overall on the bottle but i free that i may have to change formulas or shell get a cold and it will be my fault. I hope someone helps write a book about this emotional crap.
How wonderful it is to find other mums out there that are going through the same feelings and emotions I am … thank GOD – I’m not alone. Just wanted to say thankyou for producing this site for all of us “indecisive” mums who, just for their own sanity and ability to “ENJOY” their babies choose to give away with the boob and go the bottle. My 3rd little daughter is now 5mths old and my reasoning for going the bottle unfortunately wasn’t just through choice – after our 4mth needles I was devastated to find out from the Dr that she hadn’t gained anymore than 0.75Kg in the last 2mths… obviously it was something wrong with me… I was told “you’ve certainly got the quantity”, just not the quality” BOY, imagine how worthless i felt!!!so of course, I cried and I got angry and I get fed up with the whole entire idea.. But thankfully, my gorgeous husband came to the rescue and made me realise, that HAPPINESS is best for baby – NOT BREAST – why in the hell don’t they tell all new mum’s that … sorry, as you’ve mentioned – just airy my dirty laundry, but some days you just get so fed up with the blasting in your ear by so called “lactation consultants” to just keep trying… mind you, i’m sure many of the consultants i’ve endured haven’t even had kids!!
But through sure want of happiness for both myself and bubbie, I’ve gone the bottle, and I’ve never seen so many smiles on my beautiful little blue-eyed girl’s face before…
For whatever you choose – may your babies smile at you with pure happines!! (only you know what’s best for your baby)
I had lots of pain from engorgement and have to share my heaven sent mama must find … and especially for those that are looking to stop or even know they aren’t breastfeeding…say goodbye to frozens peas and cabbage leaves…I loved the LaMa Bra
http://www.lamabra.com
Good luck and enjoy ladies…it is surely your choice 🙂
I just wanted to say thank you for having great information for those of us that have stopped or are thinking of stopping breastfeeding. My 2nd son is 5 weeks old and I’m having the same issue that I had with my first. I’m lucky if I get 1 oz of breastmilk every 3-4 hours from pumping. I know that neither of them were getting enough and had both of them on formula from the 3rd day. Stopping for me is still a guilty thing though. I want to give them the best. What I’ve realized is that my milk wasn’t the best thing for them…. they need more. They are both thriving! I have a very healthy 2 1/2 year old that hasn’t been sick other than a cold when he was 9 months old… and that was his only one! We have a great relationship and he loves being able to help feed his baby brother.
To all of you out there that aren’t sure, it is purely your decision. Don’t let anyone tell you how you feel or what to do. You are the only one that knows what is right for you and your baby. Enjoy this time with your baby, regardless of your decision! Bonding doesn’t only happen by breastfeeding… look at all those dad’s out there that have all bonded with their babies too!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Not only to Stormy for originating this post but also to all the other women who have shared their stories. I have 3 month old twins, born six weeks premature. They were given formula in the NICU until my milk came in, and then were exclusively breast fed after that. At about 4 weeks of age (they came home at 2 weeks) we began supplementing with formula overnight. I recently (yesterday) decided to transition to all formula. And the self-imposed guilt is overwhelming!
My mother, husband, and others are very encouraging in this decision to wean. I have not enjoyed breastfeeding from the beginning. And one of my girls screams almost every time she nurses, but takes a bottle just fine. Sometimes they will both scream as I try to nurse tandem. Also, next week I will begin to watch the 17 month old daughter of friends as we need extra money. Nursing both my girls while taking care of a toddler seems next to impossible to me.
I cannot explain how helpful it is to find this post. I understand that breastmilk is best, but it is not good for babies to have a stressed-out, unhappy mommy. Just leads to stressed-out, unhappy babies. I think nursing twins for 3 months is excellent. I believe we will all be happier with formula. After reading all of your stories I do not feel so alone. I do not feel like I am a bad mother who is giving up what is best for her babies for selfish reasons. What is best for my babies is getting the best of ME as their mommy. It is not right for anyone to judge another’s mothering decisions. All of us who have posted here are the best mommies for our babies. The concern that we have over their health and well-being, as well as our own, demonstrates that fact. I say congratulations to us all for raising our babies the best and happiest way we can! And a thousand thank-yous for all the stories.
thanks for this post — i am floored by how difficult it has been to find information on both sides of the issue. everytime i look for info to review the pluses and minuses of my options, i can only find the pro-breast feeding and end up in tears with fear that i will deeply regret giving up.
at 42 years old, this will be my only pregnancy and we had to go through a lot of fertility help to get here. my twin sons were born 2.5 weeks ago at 34 weeks. they have been home from the NICU for almost a week now … fortunately they had NO serious health issues. just needed time to learn to suck and to grow a bit.
well learn to suck formula from a bottle they DID. and my husband and I have been total psychos about measuring every intake. with the overall daily management of our new lives, i can only pump enough for about half their feedings. and my supply has dwindled with the indecision. it’s as if my body knows that i am debating the use of my milk. the reduction in supply has compounded the issue even more. it might be a different decision if there was enough milk to supply 80% of their feedings even if via bottle.
and you all know the LC’s advice … put the babies on the breast and nursing will fix the supply. the pediatrician said they are strong enough for 1-2 feedings at the breast per day.
well this is tremendously confusing while we still need to supplement with formula. i had to ask my mom to leave the house for a week as just having another person around me at the moment is compounding getting to the root of what i really want and think is best for all four of us.
though he is an RN, the pumping and bottle cleaning is making my husband really on the side of quitting. we both are enjoying parenting this little treasures SO much. My husband has been a total dreamboat through everything. i will never forget getting out of recovery from the c-section and seeing him changing the littlest baby’s diaper through the portholes of the incubator.
there are so many MORE THINGS to taking care of these guys than just the boobie.
i am on the fence today with fear. will i regret not even trying to get through what i know is the tough training and transition time. should i hire a doula to come to the house and teach me how to bf these two boys? or should i just do what is easiest and known to both my husband and I and be done with the issue by the end of the holiday weekend and MOVE ON to being a happy family together?
signed going nuts in portland ore.
I found this site when i was trying to research on how to stop breastfeeding, i have a 3 month old little girl who was 6 weeks early and spent one week in the nicu, i straight breast fed for the first month and then started to do both formula and breast jus because i wasnt producing enough milk and my little girl can eat lol, anywho i decided i wanted to stop because im hypoglycemic and ill admit my diet isnt perfect, because of that breastfeeding is taking alot out of me emotionally and pysically, my daughter stays up all night so im trying to catch up on sleep during the day so i dont really eat much or drink as much as i should, i feel really quilty about stopping but i also need to put my health in perspective, im losing too many calories and not getting enough in. i didnt breastfeed my first because she couldnt latch on and now shes a healthy 5yr old, im thankful i was able to breastfeed my 3 month old this long…
I found this site when i was trying to research on how to stop breastfeeding, i have a 3 month old little girl who was 6 weeks early and spent one week in the nicu, i straight breast fed for the first month and then started to do both formula and breast jus because i wasnt producing enough milk and my little girl can eat lol, anywho i decided i wanted to stop because im hypoglycemic and ill admit my diet isnt perfect, because of that breastfeeding is taking alot out of me emotionally and pysically, my daughter stays up all night so im trying to catch up on sleep during the day so i dont really eat much or drink as much as i should, i feel really quilty about stopping but i also need to put my health in perspective, im losing too many calories and not getting enough in. i didnt breastfeed my first because she couldnt latch on and now shes a healthy 5yr old, im thankful i was able to breastfeed my 3 month old this long…
Funny how those who are radically in favour of BF are so violent and intolerant about others using other alternatives. I wonder how tolerant and flexible they will be with their poor babies…
Firstly i would like to say thankyou for creating this website, I have just stumbled across it. There is much information on how to breastfeed of which proberbly influenced me of somewhat but none on how to stop!.
I am a 21 year old women who has been breastfeeding my little girl for 6months now, I am due back to work soon and really want to stop breastfeeding, how do i stop?, ive been told to just stop straight the way and to grin and bare the pain, but i carnt i always give in as its such a relief when my daughter (emptys) me as my breasts are that much engourged its painfull to the point when im crying!!! do i drop feeds? as i only feed her at night and in the morning on me and the rest of her feeds are by bottle, i was fortunate enough for (paige) to conbine breast+bottle of which many women struggle with. Dont get me wrong i love it as we bond but i have no choice but to stop, was’nt there a tablet that you could take years ago that would dry your milk up?? please please please help me with your advice.
Hi I have been breastfeeding for two years and I remember the first few months were extremely hard but like learning to ride a bike something clicked and the next year and nine months were amazing in terms of bonding and helping my little girl get through illnesses etc. I am a midwife and I meet women all the time who try and try because its what they want to do not because its the best, but for some it sometimes just doesnt seem to happen for what ever reasons. As a woman in a feminist world then the midwife form newzealand shouldnt put other women on a guilt trip. I am reading this page because I have stopped breastfeeding cold turkey and am looking for other womens experiences and not to judge others.I must agree it appears to be something that is less talked about than starting breastfeeding so I will now be adding the subject to my postnatal care.
I found this site because I have just recently stopped breast feeding my 6 month old…My baby was born at 30 weeks and spent 9 weeks in the Nicu, during which time I pumped religiously every 2-3 hours…it was a stressful time worrying about my baby but the pumping just about put me over the edge. I was barely producing enough to feed him and they were supplementing him with formula. The entire hospital staff really promoted breastfeeding, and they convinced my husband that it was the only way to feed our baby. Once our baby came home I was able to breastfeed and bottle feed him, which was necessary because I never produced enough to satisfy him, even after trying fenugreek which just made me stink and my OBGYN prescribed Reglan, which did nothing…I went through one episode of thrush which was so painful I really wanted to stop breastfeeding but everyone around me made me feel way too guilty. The thrush went away after a few days with a perscription, even though my baby never showed any signs. I also had blisters, which did eventually go away after about a month. The breastfeeding never got easier, and I really hated it everytime for the first three/four months, after that it got a lot easier, but I feel just as bonded with my baby when we bottle feed. I hate all of these people out there judging us moms that have a hard time breastfeeding. It is not an easy thing to do, and though I know it is the best thing for the baby, we need to keep our sanity. I have now breastfed and bottle fed for the last 6 months, and I am finally quitting breastfeeding. I am not in pain, but I have very slowly stopped, and for about two weeks, I only did it once a day. I find plenty of times during the day and night to bond with my baby and neither of us seem to be missing nursing. I hope this helps because I wish someone had told me not to listen to all those people who make you feel guilty for not producing enough milk, or for not breastfeeding, because have you looked at formulas lately, we have done well with Similac’s Neosure…
well im just glad to say that this is an awsome web site i felt really guilty about stopping at 4 weeks considering i was so amanent about sticking to breast feeding.
all i really have to say is do what makes you happy i was absolutly misserable for the first 4 weeks i was slipping into depression and i cryed every night. now that we are on formula i am so much happier so is daddy because he can feed her too. thank you so much for this web site it makes me realize im not the only one.
I just wanted to say hallelujah! to your blog. It makes me feel so much better to know that I am not the only one with these feelings. This is my 3rd child and it is so difficult to manage my time with the other two, while I am breastfeeding 30% of my waking hours (like you said.) The hardest part is knowing that breastfeeding is BEST for my baby’s physical well-being, but I am having to consider what is best for the emotional well being of myself and my other two children as well. The guilt of quitting breastfeeding is minor compared to the relief I feel when it only takes 10-15 minutes to feed the baby a bottle as opposed to 30-45 minutes to nurse her and even then, not being certain that she’s full. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. I think we should all get an A for effort!
Hi,
Thanks for posting this. You are right – there is so much info about establishing breastfeeding yet so little about stopping. I stopped nursing my 9 month old last week when he cut his first tooth and was nipping me. This was my third child, and the first I was able to nurse past one week – they so underestimate how much pain your nipples are in. I made my partner rush out and get bottles on the night we came home from the hospital as I thought I couldn’t go through with it, and then it ended up I nursed on only one breast and topped the baby up with formula. It didn’t hurt the other two, and it allowed other people (grandmother, sister, father etc) to also bond with this delicious bundle. The most important thing is that they are loved. Good on you!
Being a man I never realized all the things involved for women,but I support any womens decision one way or another It all centers around personal choice and a mother knows best.
I would firstly like to say that I agree totally with the comment posted by ‘Thankful Mom’ on Sept 11th. PLEASE LOOK BACK ON THIS COMMENT – ITS VERY ENLIGHTENING!
Seriously, if you are having problems breastfeeding, please look back on this post that has incredibly accurate practical information. I am a nurse myself.
But ignore the comment made afterwards by Tipper on Sept 30th. People like that would actually discourage you from Breastfeeding at all!
I do agree breastfeeding does not come automatically nataurally to a lot of women, and I was definitely one of them!
I like so many others went through that period of hating it as it was making me so miserable at the start, it felt like one problem after another, problems latching, desperately sore nipples that i couldn’t even touch for 8 weeks, Mastitis etc. etc.
But I persevered, mainly due to a great friend of mine who is a midwife, who I had on the phone every other day, giving me much needed practical advice and support. She gave me the determination to go on. – Literally a day at a time. And she was able to dispel lots of myths out there about bf. I really believe if there could be a BREASTFEEDING HOTLINE out there, things could be so much easier on new moms. There is so much mis-information out there. Its so sad to see it and moms out there finally giving in cause they are so confused, exhausted and frustrated and probably in pain!
I think i cried for the first 6 weeks but am so glad i persisted for the sake of my 6 month old son. (He had been exposed to a few bugs and flus, and hasnt got sick at all.) BF finally became a pleasure after 8 weeks of hardship. And I never thought I would say but ‘I love it now’ We’re still going, and I hope to continue until I go back to work when he’s 9 months old.
I do feel incredibly sorry for women who have to go back to work before baby is 6 months old, because it must be very hard to combine both.
If I could reassure the distraught ‘guilty’ women out there – it would be to say, believe in the amazing ability of your own body, and your baby’s and get as much support and correct information as you can. We both were really meant to do this! I do think it is a bottlefeeding culture we’re in now, and I know I am almost made to feel bad when I tell people that I’m still bf. They say to me,’thats long enough, would you not give up by now’People feel uncomfortable about it for some reason. I dont feel theres enough genuine support from family and friends at times.
I dont mean to put down moms that are having problems, cause I was there only a few months ago, butI had to tell myself, Motherhood is in some form a sacrifice, and this was about my baby and not me, and it will get easier! At the same time, I do not condemn any woman who gives up. I just wish that she could have received the same support and information as me.
Ps. But I would love to encourage you to try one more day.
by the way, See above comment. my name came up as Paul R Bain Jnr for some reason. Dont know who that is????
My name is Didi, and I am a woman!!!!
Didi, your name is underneath the post. It’s confused a number of people – I’ll have to see if I can change it. Thanks!
wow! you have helped me alot in my decision to stop breastfeeding..alot of women say o there’s such an emotional bond when you breastfeed…but i don’t feel it..does that make me a bad mom? and it’s time consuming..and for once i would like someone to say “she’s hungry i’ll get a bottle and not “mom! she’s hungry…great now i have to get out the boob..it’s only been 3 weeks and they say the first 2 are the absolute best.so i feel i have done good enough..my first son wasn’t breastfed and he’s never sick! and is very healthy and is where a 5 year old boy should be..i feel our world is more advanced these days that formula is just as good as breast milk..so thank you!! now i just need to find out HOW to quit breastfeeding 🙂
I could have written this web page- I am glad I am not the only one out there feeling this way!
It’s such a relief to know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I have been nursing my son for almost 2 weeks, and I just have not enjoyed it like I thought I would. I feel so guilty for feeling this way because there is so much pressure to breastfeed these days.
I was formula fed though and I rarely get sick and have no allergies, so that gives me a little less guilt about deciding to quit.
I haven’t decided yet when I will quit, but it will definelty be before I go back to work. I was going to pump, but that will be just as time consuming if not more than breasfeeding. My son’s pedi is supportive of me switching to formula before I go back to work, so that is good.
Thanks for posting your thoughts.
I, too, am feeling the same way and was very relieved to find this site and see that others feel the same way.
My son is about 3 1/2 weeks old and got his first formula yesterday. I had an extremely hard time deciding that I was going to wean because I felt like it made me a bad mother, but I hated breastfeeding. I know we are supposed to love it, but it’s been miserable for me.
I hope that the switch to formula won’t cause me to get any breast infections. Anyone who can offer advice on how they did it would be greatly appreciated!
i found this website because my 20 mo. old is showing no sighns of stopping the bfeeding. Nursing came really easy for her, because she’s my 2nd.
my first weaned herself before a year,.(I actually persisted with the breastfeeding despite the painful nipples mostly because of my Mother in Law! she acted like my baby was starving and she was butting into my life, so i ws bound and determined to breast feed to spite her!) she actually wasnt’ getting enough dairy as an older baby adn I had to supplement her with formula. she hated it, so I had to add juice to it. I had to feed her cheese adn yogurt, which took her a while to get used to. I didn’t know she wasn’t getting enough dairy until she was around 10 months and underweight. I felt so guilty! But fortunatley she gained some weight with the extra dairy and she’s just a really small person.
My youngest is now almost 2 and she’s very attached to my boobs. I refuse to give it too her in public. She embarrases me by lunging at my chest when she’s tired. I feel pressure from others to stop because “before You know it she’ll be 5 and still at it!” I don’t see what the big deal is if the just nurses at night and before naps. I’m torn. Part of me wants to stop adn part of me doesnt’ mind, because this is the only way we cuddle and I’m not planning on having any more children.
anyone else have this problem?
Melissa,
The World Health Organization actually recommends that you breastfeed your child until they are at least two years old. (And many societies breastfeed for far longer than that.) So if your 20 month old wants to breastfeed, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
That said, American society isn’t very comfortable with breastfeeding toddlers so I’m sure it’s a challenge! I have a very brave aunt who just fed her two year old wherever and acted like it was the most normal thing in the world.
Good luck! Remember that the staring public does NOT know what’s best. You and your daughter know best.
Stormy
Stormy,
Do you have any suggestions on what brand of bottles and nipples to use? I got some Platex Ventaire bottles at my shower and I tried using those and they didn’t work out too well. It was coming out too fast for him.
Thanks,
Kelly
Kelly,
I really like the Gerber nipples. I started out with the slow ones with 3 holes and eventually moved to the medium ones.
Later I tried to move to the fast ones and gave it up – the milk just pours out. I figured it was better just to let him take longer to finish his bottle than to drown him!
One of my friends had triplets and she swore by these bottles that didn’t let any air in. They look really weird like they have a bottle in the bottle. (I wasn’t sure where to put the formula.) She said that way they never got gas.
Stormy
Anyone that does not want to breastfeed or is ready to stop MUST try the LaMa Bra. Designed for women that don’t breastfeed, but helps so many breastfeeding moms I know with engorgement and also mastitis
you can order thru most doctor offices or lactation consultants or at http://www.lamabra.com
love to see this support site 🙂
I can’t thank you enough for posting this – and for others sharing their stories of stopping breastfeeding as well. I have searched and searched the internet only to feel like I am a horrible mother for wanting to quit. I have an 8 week old who hasn’t minded formula/bm switch as I have supplemented at night and other various times. I have pumped plenty and think I will just add it to his formula until it is all gone. Our lives seem to be a little simpler and I feel like I can enjoy my time with him as opposed to always trying to find time to pump. Now when he naps I can do all of the things I need to. I have to feel a lottle accomplished everyday!
So thank you to everyone for making me feel normal and not like a horrible failure of a mom. At least I bf for 8 weeks – right!?!?!?
I posted earlier–we did stop breastfeeding at 3 months, and I got treatment for anxiety/depression–not necessarily PPD as I have a history of depression and my family has a history of anxiety and depression.
I don’t regret my choice. My son never noticed a difference. I am so much happier, and I’m enjoying my son so very much. The meds I’m on can’t be taken if you are breastfeeding, but I know there are meds that are compatible. If anyone struggling with this is also feeling other symptoms of depression–get help. Fortunately, I had a husband who knew my history and knew when to say “It’s time to get help.”
I’m back at work, my happiest moments are playing with my son and enjoying my family, really–after what i’ve been through breastfed vs. not is inconsequential. Do what will make you the best mother you can be. For some of us, that means NOT breastfeeding. And as I said earlier, as a hale and hearty formula-fed baby myself with a post-graduate degree, don’t buy into the hype you are dooming your child.
I posted earlier–we did stop breastfeeding at 3 months, and I got treatment for anxiety/depression–not necessarily PPD as I have a history of depression and my family has a history of anxiety and depression.
I don’t regret my choice. My son never noticed a difference. I am so much happier, and I’m enjoying my son so very much. The meds I’m on can’t be taken if you are breastfeeding, but I know there are meds that are compatible. If anyone struggling with this is also feeling other symptoms of depression–get help. Fortunately, I had a husband who knew my history and knew when to say “It’s time to get help.”
I’m back at work, my happiest moments are playing with my son and enjoying my family, really–after what i’ve been through breastfed vs. not is inconsequential. Do what will make you the best mother you can be. For some of us, that means NOT breastfeeding. And as I said earlier, as a hale and hearty formula-fed baby myself with a post-graduate degree, don’t buy into the hype you are dooming your child.
I am so glad that I found this site. I had my daughter 7 weeks ago today. She did not have any trouble at all latching on. Everything went fine until she was about four weeks. At that time, she began getting sick (vomiting everywhere). My husband and I took her to the doctor and they said try this and try that. I did everything they asked of me (watching my diet carefully, sitting her up while eating, sitting her up for at least 30 more minutes when finished, mylicon drops in case she might be gasy (had trouble burping her and they thought it could be do to gas). We ending up going to the doctor 4 times within a 3 week period, plus they sent us to the hospital to have an ultrasound done on her stomach (they thought she could need surgery for closing muscles in her lower intestine). The ultrasound showed that was not the problem. I was staying up with her at night until 3am and getting maybe 1-3 hours of sleep a night. She always had her legs up under her in pain. Finally, I said enough is enough and thought we ae going to need to see a specialist or something is going to have to give. I called my mom who then told me she really thinks it is my breastmilk (because I had similar problems when I was born). She told me to stop breast feeding for three days and to only pump for a few minutes to relieve the pressure when I was becoming engorged. Sure enough my daughter seems to be much more relaxed and less gassy. However, I enjoyed breastfeeding so much that it is hard for me and I have been crying for two days straight now. I know it is the best thing for the both of us (I became very skinny because I have been unable to eat many of the normal foods such as dairy, lettuce, cabbage, etc.)I guess I am doing the right thing but I feel like I am letting myself and her down (BUT SHE IS HEALTHIER). Thanks
My daughter will be 2 weeks old this friday and I have decided to quit breast-feeding. She has breast milk jaundice, meaning there is a chemical in my milk that prevents her bilirubin levels to come down to a normal level. So, the pediatrician said to alternate breast feeding with the formula feedings. But I just can’t see the sense in continuing to give her breast milk that is making her sick. So I switched her over to formula, she is taking to it well and her bilirubin levels are on thier way down. HOWEVER…my breasts are so sore and I am having a very difficult time with engorgement. I am concerned about breast infections and just can’t tolerate this pain. What should I do??
Thank you for this site and thank everyone for your posts; they have truly helped me….
I find it sad that women have struggled for options and choice, and we are vilified for exercising them – especially by other women. Breastfeeding may have worked for thousands of years and in other cultures, but that is because there is a basic cultural difference- time and support. We lack that in our society and culture. We are expected to be and do everything and at the same time, suckle young until they are five years old (according to some). For those who can and choose to breastfeed- great for you; but as women, respect the decision of those who can’t or choose not to. Just as you have fought for and are fighting for your breastfeeding rights, don’t turn around and vilify those of us who can’t or choose not to…
Did anyone have any problems with getting your child to take formula? My son is 6 weeks old and I am trying to wean him before I go back to work in 3 weeks. We started about a week ago and at first he took to the formula just fine, even from me. Now he won’t take the formula from me or my husband, so I give in and give him the breast. Any tips an making the transition easier?
A little selfish and egotistical. the babe didnt ask to come into the world. your time and sore nipples? get over it.
Annette, I really wanted my baby to come into the world and I want him to have the best possible life. In order for him to have a happy life, I think he needs a happy, healthy mom.
Thanks so much for your post. I had the same issue – I couldn’t find anything on the web that supported moms who felt that they did what they could to breastfeed their child, but decided to stop for whatever reason. My reasons were exactly the same as yours with worry being my number one concern. Since my daughter started nursing using a nipple shield, I had problems with my supply. My daughter was also vey gassy and that led to cutting out certain foods in my diet. Reading these posts and your blog allowed me to feel okay with my decision not to breastfeed. It definitely is a difficult decision and I agree with the other posters that it has to be a happy experience for both mom and babe! Thanks again!
my daughter is now 7 months old. I have breast fed her till now. It is a very hard decision to give up but she got teeth a month or so ago and regularly bites me. This is the most painfull thing ever. I have been looking for advice on how to go about stopping feeding and there isnt much. This is a good site and good to share others experience. I have been feeding her less myself this week and have felt tearful – oh those hormones !!!!
Thanks
This post helped me so much. I like many other mothers have been unable to find anything about stopping breast feeding on the internet, all I could find was about how wonderful and positive it is. My daughter is 9 days old and I’m considering stopping. Breast feeding has its advantages, but it also has its disadvantages. I’m exhausted all the time, I feel like all I do is feed her and stress about feeding her. I’m not enjoying my dgtr. at all. I want to be happy when she’s awake, not stressed about the next feeding. I’m still deciding what to do, but thank you very much for all the posts.
Thank you so much for posting this. We have decided, tonight actually, to stop breast feeding for the exact reasons you did as well. I have extreme guilt but this helped reading this, knowing Im not alone in this situation. I have a toddler and that feeding 25-30% of my awake hours (feels like 90% honestly) isn’t doing well for my toddler, I feel like I have no time for her. If Im not feeding my daughter, Im making meals, cleaning, doing dishes, laundry, and have no time for my oldest. If I wait till the household goes to bed, Im up till the early waking hours getting everything done. It’s just not working for my household.
My daugher is 10 months old and I just stopped pumping. I tried nursing her when she was first born, but she was a premature, so it just didn’t work. It would take an hour and a half to try and nurse her. I couldn’t deal with that, so I started pumping and pumped for 10 month. I decided to stop pumping because it was getting really hard on my nipples. It almost looked like they were starting to tear. Anyway, my question might be silly. Every since I stopped pumping I’m going to the bathroom all the time! I thought I had the start of a bladder infection because I was going all the time, but found out it was not a bladder infection. I’m not drinking a lot of fluids, so that wouldn’t be why I have to pee all the time. My husband suggested that maybe my body is absorbing the milk and that is why I’m going to the bathroom more. Anyone have any ideas?
My daugher is 10 months old and I just stopped pumping. I tried nursing her when she was first born, but she was a premature, so it just didn’t work. It would take an hour and a half to try and nurse her. I couldn’t deal with that, so I started pumping and pumped for 10 month. I decided to stop pumping because it was getting really hard on my nipples. It almost looked like they were starting to tear. Anyway, my question might be silly. Every since I stopped pumping I’m going to the bathroom all the time! I thought I had the start of a bladder infection because I was going all the time, but found out it was not a bladder infection. I’m not drinking a lot of fluids, so that wouldn’t be why I have to pee all the time. My husband suggested that maybe my body is absorbing the milk and that is why I’m going to the bathroom more. Anyone have any ideas?
I started expressing milk and bottle feeding my daughter when she was exactly one month old, because I was fed up with spending more than have a day feeding her – also my husband was very keen on feeding her as well! She took the bottle very easily. I starting weaning her when she was almost three months old, by substituting one feed with formula. Now she is almost four months, and she breast-feeds two to three times a day, the rest is formula or expressed breast milk. I will stop breast-feeding entirely when she gets to be around five months old. I’ve been cutting down breastfeeding very slowly and it’s working out very nicely. I think doing it slowly is very important so that the mother does not suffer with engorgement.
Breastfeeding is good for the baby, but a mother should not dislike it or feel guilty about not doing it. I discover that I enjoy breastfeeding much more now (that I do it a few times a day) than in the beginning when I had to feed her every hour and I didn’t even have time to eat… Now it’s actually something I look forward to doing first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed! (believe it or not, my baby sleeps eight hours continuously, from 12am to 8am)
Thanks so much for this post.. I of course found it as I was looking for articles on how to stop my milk supply. I have been bfeeding/pumping for 12 weeks and am trying to decide whether to stop. I started working again and taking my pump w/me to work, coming home and pumping, getting up in the middle of the night to feed is just too much stress. I keep telling myself that it’s ok because I believe I will be a better mom if I’m not EXHAUSTED and resentful of the fact that I’m the only one waking up at night… it’s nice to know that I am not alone in these thoughts!!!
We all know what is best for us and our babies.
After 2 weeks of breast feeding I decided to put Holly on to formula today and I have been feeling down and guilty the whole day about it. Holly is happier than ever and has just slept the whole day. I really wanted to breast feed,but I could not handle my nipples bleeding and aching anymore (it was pure torture). I used to dread every feed with her and was just too stressed out. It is so nice to see that there are other moms out there who are going through the same thing.
At the end of the day, Holly is happy and I am happy. I feel like i can interact with her more and she is far less grumpy.I can now enjoy every moment with her…. thanks everyone
Wow, what a great page. My daughter Alex is 6 months old and from the beginning I always wanted to breastfeed. At first she wouldn’t latch on and my nipples were so sore they would bleed. It was horrible. I pumped for 1 1/2 months and it was SUCH a pain. So at that time I was going to stop because I was so fed up with pumping and depressed about that whole situation. But I said Ok, I’ll try ONE more time and miraculously she latched on perfectly! So I said I’d breast feed until 4 months, but I loved it so much (it’s SO EASY compared to cleaning bottles!) I kept breastfeeding and Alex is now 6 months old. The WHOLE time I was breastfeeding I was constintly battling dehydration so I think it’s time to stop. She isn’t a newborn anymore! But I’m SO SAD about it and I feel so guilty. She loves it SO much (she likes the bottle too) but I can just tell by the look on her face that she is just in heaven with her ninnie! God I don’t know what to do! It really sucks.
I have a 3 1/2 month old and started out breastfeeding. Throughout my pregnancy I was determined to do it for at least 3 to 6 months and then slowly wean him. I also have a 5 year old and tried breastfeeding with him. It didn’t work out too well…I think because it does take much more than putting them to the breast. It’s so true that you have to increase your calories and your liquids and that was so difficult. I was 21 when I had my 5 year old and cried the whole 3 weeks I tried bf him. I gave up (actually dried up without trying) and formula fed. I felt no guilt.
5 years later my second son was born and I was all for it. It started out okay even though I had to force myself to eat more and drink a ton of water. This became so difficult…especially since I had a 5 yr old to take care of as well as a newborn and had to cook and clean by myself. If I didn’t have to do all that, it might have been easier. Well when my 3 1/2 mo old was 5 weeks, he got a really bad cold and couldn’t nurse on me. He was barely eating cause he was so sick so I pumped to keep my milk supply. I don’t think this worked very well. Besides this, my right breast was much more full than my left at all times. They say one breast is good for one feeding but my left breast never filled him even at that young age.
Although no one has said this, I actually also wanted my body back after 10 long months of pregnancy. I wanted the best for my baby but was so frustrated after seeing that he wasn’t satisfied and that I wasn’t producing what I felt I should. I also listened to others and took some bad advice about trying to pump all day and breast feed at night. Even though I bought a Medela pump ($300) it wasn’t increasing my supply. I couldn’t keep feeding the majority of my day and keep up with the other duties I have as a mother of a 5 yr old and as a wife. I cried and cried and stopped breastfeeding when he was 8 weeks. After a couple days I even went back to it to try again but it was the same scenario. I wonder now if I had stuck with it would it have gotten better? Would my milk have come in stronger? Part of me says yes the other no. Back in the old days women would have their sisters or aunts, etc breast feed if they couldn’t. We can’t do that nowadays.
I’m rambling but thanks to those who have gone through the same as I have. I am not alone and have found it hard discussing this with other people. I wonder at times if I could take drugs to start up again..it’s only been about 6 weeks. I wish I could start all over again. But at least he got 8 weeks. That’s better than some women who say no from the get-go. Formula is out there for a reason and if it weren’t safe or good for babies, we wouldn’t thrive and we have. I was breastfed for 6 months then went to formula for 6 months. My husband was never breastfed and is a college graduate who is never ever sick!
Don’t feel guilty. You are all good mothers. This is proven by the fact that you cared enough to research feeling guilty about giving up breastfeeding. You wanted to be sure you did everything you could and to make sure your baby is healthy and will stay that way. Remember, the U.S. is an advanced nation and that is why we have formula readily available to us. Maybe in New Zealand this is not the case.
My first week of breastfeeding was intensely frustrating, no sleep, crying fits (baby AND me), etc. I so want to breastfeed but I have tried to examine why I dislike it so much and I believe it is because my body parts are in demand round the clock. I don’t like that. I am completely used to independence in every sense of the word. Now as a first-time mom with a seven-week-old I have been in the house more than ever in my life, have to bring baby everywhere, etc. I think breastfeeding for me is difficult because it largely contributes to my loss of “freedom.” Anyway, I have tried and tried. Our problem is a sleepy baby. He is good at eating but only when he’s awake! He gets to the breast, sucks for MAYBE five good minutes, and zonks. It is unnerving because no one can SIT for an hour to an hour and a half at a time just to get a few little ounces into the little one’s belly! It is grueling! So I now have a double electric breast pump. I like pumping much better than having to put baby to breast. Giving him his feedings through the bottle. It takes about 10 minutes to express my milk and he feeds so much better!
But still with pumping I don’t have enough milk for him… on average about three ounces per pump but he is where he needs between 2 and 6 ounces. Still trying to figure what he even needs. All in all I have found that I just despise having my body in demand like this. I just want to give him formula so badly… just trying to hang in there to do what is best for my son. So close to doing strictly formula though because we supplement with it so much anyway. Husband supports whatever I am comfortable with but prefers breastmilk if possible. This is hard!
I initially wrote on this site March 4th, 2007 and just wanted to give all you Moms wrestling with this difficult decision an update…My son is now a very healthy, happy and loving 16 month-old who has either met or exceeded every milestone! He just recently caught his first cold, never had a fever until AFTER his first birthday and is a fabulous sleeper! I am proud of myself for the efforts that I made, and for making the right choice for me–a happy Mommy equals a happy baby! Someone once gave me this great advice: should someone dare to tell you what they think you should be doing, remind them that you’re the owner of the breasts and consequently, you’ll be making all the breastfeeding-related decisions! Thanks again Stormy, for your kind words and great site!
Thanks Stormy for this site. I can totally relate to the reasons that you gave for stopping breastfeeding. At the end of the day, it is our decision on whether or not to breastfeed. There were times when I would be at my wit’s end when it came to breastfeeding and right now, I would rather have my sanity than be the most miserable mother and wife. My son is thriving on formula and my 2 older children were brought up on formula and they are as healthy as anything. Thanks you, once again.
All i can say is thank you. My 4 month old daughter refuses to nurse, so i’ve been pumping exclusively for the last month. After shedding countless tears of guilt for even thinking of stopping, and when i did have the courage to go online and try to find out how to safely stop I was inundated with pro-feeding messages and how awful it is for hte baby if you stop, it would throw me back into tears and guilt. WHat a vicious cycle that was. Thank you so incredibly much for posting this and for everyone who shared their experience!
Hi ladies, i agree with all of you out there. Breastfeeding is hard work. I have really enjoyed it with my daughter, my first child, she is 3 months now and has been for the last couple of weeks not taking to my breast, just screaming and screaming when i try and latch her on. As soon as i give her a bottle she takes straight away and is a much happier child afterwards. I have the same problem that im not producing enough milk although i am drinking shitloads of water and eating right. I dont agree with midwife and mama at all. Heaps of formula fed babies out there that have grown into healthy happy adults, so stop trying to be a know it all. Yes back in the good old days women had no choice but to breastfeed, but how many of them were happy, and had happy children as a result! Oh by the way JULIE or ANNE MARIE, aborigines are AUSTRALIAN, not New Zealanders. Australia and New Zealand are TWO DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. So you got it wrong when criticising Midwife and Mama’s comment. She is Australian NOT from New Zealand. We New Zealanders dont like being put in the same category as Australians!!! Especially ones that have negative comments such as hers!!!
Thanks for the person that started this blog, as the advice and stories on here are fantastic in helping make choices, albeit hard ones!!!
I take that back!!! I have just read another comment by midwife and mama, and apologise. She says she is working in New Zealand, by god i hope she is a foreigner as im embarrased by her comments if she is a kiwi!! How dare she try and make us all feel guilty about stopping breastfeeding. YES we all know that its the best thing for baby, and we all try and do it for as long as we can, but read the comments lady, some women cant do it for medical reasons, pain, baby wont take the breast (as in my case) etc etc. Get off your high horse. The only thing that matters is that the baby is healthy and ALIVE!!!! My baby is thriving on formula and quite happy for it. My husband gets to spend time bonding with her while feeding her as well, and this is special for him, he loves it.We dont beat our child or abuse our child, we are bloody fantastic parents, so dont try and make me feel otherwise just because i choose not to breastfeed. If you ask me, you are the archaeic one!!! Get your head out of the sand lady and into the 21st century!!
Oh my gosh, just read another comment by midwife and mama. It is NOT illegal for hospitals to give our formula satchets, and midwives DO NOT come to visit every day if required. They come once a week for six weeks after baby is born. I found it hard getting someone to come every day. Plunket is great for support, but even my midwife and Plunket nurse said that if i wanted to switch to formula then that was MY CHOICE! I certainly wouldnt want YOU for a midwife if this is the kind of advice and support you give. You sound like a dictator. You obviously arent open to anything other than pure breastfeeding. So im gathering that you have pushed out all your babies naturally without any pain medication, and if the doctors suggested you needed a caesar that you would have said NO WAY, thats not natural, i will sacrifice myself and rather die giving birth the natural way, im sure you are typing your emails from an organic computer made out of flax and water whilst out gathering berries and huhu grubs for your family’s dinner, washing your clothes in the Waikato River and living in a mud hut!!!!! You are such a hypocrit!! Anyway, enough from me as i’m getting off the subject, but mad love to all you ladies out there that gave breastfeeding a go!!! Your babies will be fine and will grow into healthy lovely human beings, which is more than what i can say for the Mammary Mafia out there!!!
Thank you sooo much. I acutally started to cry as I was reading these entries because I had such overwhelming feelings of relief. During my pregnancy I was absolutely determined to breastfeed my daughter for the first year of her life. Even after she was born I continued with my mental determination. She was in the NICU for the first week of life, and I ended up having to pump and bring her the milk. I found that compared to breastfeeding (feeding on the actual breast), I much prefered the pump. It was quicker, and I knew every time she fed just how much milk she was recieving.
She is just over three months right now. I went back to work a month ago, and like many other women I am noticing on this website, I have almost stopped producing all together. I am lucky if I can pump a total of one ounce lately – in both breasts! My husband is giving me a hard time, telling me that I should continue for the health of our daughter – but it is so miserable pumping every three hours, taking lactating pills, drinking special concoctions, and eating numerous bowls of oatmeal, all in efforts of increasing my milk supply – all to no avail.
I have been so depressed about breastfeeding. Every where I look people are telling me that breast is best, and I know it is, but I am not sure I can take the pressure anymore. I am so happy that I found this website. Each of the entries have provided me with the moral support that I have been unable to find elsewhere. Thank you to all the women out there that took the time to write in with your stories. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me.
I have had 3 children. I breastfed the first one for 9 months with no problems and had no problems when I stopped. I just weaned him and cut out feedings a few at a time until he completely stopped. I guess he was about 10 months or so by the time I completely stopped. My second child was only a month old when I stopped nursing him. He was staying attached to the breast for what seemed like the entire day. He never seemed satisfied. Once I put him on a bottle he was a much happier baby. I stopped “cold turkey” and never got engorged, leaked, or had the feeling of any kind of over full feeling. I felt guilty and was afraid he wouldn’t be as healthy as his big brother. That was not the case at all. I think formula was the best option for him. With the last baby, who just turned 9 months, I had to stop when his tooth came in last week. He was using me for a chew toy and that was not working out. He had started weaning on his own. He eats well and drinks formula and even milk with no problems. Here is the funny side of my story. My left breast is fine. No problems. The right is engorged. I will put a cold pack on it when I finish here. I just wanted to let everyone know that each nursing experience is as difference as the child you are nursing. If it doesn’t work for you once and you really want to do it then you can try again with the next child. On the other hand, using formula doesn’t make you any less a mother. To be perfectly honest, breastfeeding is demanding. If my other children weren’t already in school I don’t think it would have been an option for me.
I have had 3 children. I breastfed the first one for 9 months with no problems and had no problems when I stopped. I just weaned him and cut out feedings a few at a time until he completely stopped. I guess he was about 10 months or so by the time I completely stopped. My second child was only a month old when I stopped nursing him. He was staying attached to the breast for what seemed like the entire day. He never seemed satisfied. Once I put him on a bottle he was a much happier baby. I stopped “cold turkey” and never got engorged, leaked, or had the feeling of any kind of over full feeling. I felt guilty and was afraid he wouldn’t be as healthy as his big brother. That was not the case at all. I think formula was the best option for him. With the last baby, who just turned 9 months, I had to stop when his tooth came in last week. He was using me for a chew toy and that was not working out. He had started weaning on his own. He eats well and drinks formula and even milk with no problems. Here is the funny side of my story. My left breast is fine. No problems. The right is engorged. I will put a cold pack on it when I finish here. I just wanted to let everyone know that each nursing experience is as difference as the child you are nursing. If it doesn’t work for you once and you really want to do it then you can try again with the next child. On the other hand, using formula doesn’t make you any less a mother. To be perfectly honest, breastfeeding is demanding. If my other children weren’t already in school I don’t think it would have been an option for me.
I have had 3 children. I breastfed the first one for 9 months with no problems and had no problems when I stopped. I just weaned him and cut out feedings a few at a time until he completely stopped. I guess he was about 10 months or so by the time I completely stopped. My second child was only a month old when I stopped nursing him. He was staying attached to the breast for what seemed like the entire day. He never seemed satisfied. Once I put him on a bottle he was a much happier baby. I stopped “cold turkey” and never got engorged, leaked, or had the feeling of any kind of over full feeling. I felt guilty and was afraid he wouldn’t be as healthy as his big brother. That was not the case at all. I think formula was the best option for him. With the last baby, who just turned 9 months, I had to stop when his tooth came in last week. He was using me for a chew toy and that was not working out. He had started weaning on his own. He eats well and drinks formula and even milk with no problems. Here is the funny side of my story. My left breast is fine. No problems. The right is engorged. I will put a cold pack on it when I finish here. I just wanted to let everyone know that each nursing experience is as difference as the child you are nursing. If it doesn’t work for you once and you really want to do it then you can try again with the next child. On the other hand, using formula doesn’t make you any less a mother. To be perfectly honest, breastfeeding is demanding. If my other children weren’t already in school I don’t think it would have been an option for me.
I’m sorry but there are a few things I want to add after reading some comments that I feel were rather derogatory toward those of us who have not been able to breastfeed successfully for a long term period of time. Yes I nursed two babies for over 9 months but I also stopped with one of them at less than 2 months.
Since time began there have been women like ourselves that have had little or no ability to breastfeed. No, they did not have formula but there were women who stepped in for them. They were known as a wet nurse. And long before expensive baby formula was on the market women with such difficulties would use canned milk and mix it half and half with water. I am sure there were many other alternatives I can’t think of or have no knowledge of. There are also babies born who cannot have milk. Not even breast milk.
With that said I would like to share one more thing before I go.
As long as there have been hungry babies, there have been nurser bottles and infant feeders. And like everything else, inventors and manufacturers have always tried to improve upon the originals. These vessels of nutrition have been found in a wide array of shapes, sizes and materials from 1500 BC pottery to 16th Century pewter to 17th, 18th and 19th Century glass.
From nursers with rags, bottles with pewter nipples, silver pap boats (for feeding milk with bread) and glass ‘turtle’ bottles with feeding tubes, infant feeding has come a long way and continues to evolve.
http://www.antiquebottles.com/nurser/
So ladies we didn’t fail our children. We evolved!
And I love the Playtex Drop-In’s bottles for making my life a little easier too.
I have had 3 children. I breastfed the first one for 9 months with no problems and had no problems when I stopped. I just weaned him and cut out feedings a few at a time until he completely stopped. I guess he was about 10 months or so by the time I completely stopped. My second child was only a month old when I stopped nursing him. He was staying attached to the breast for what seemed like the entire day. He never seemed satisfied. Once I put him on a bottle he was a much happier baby. I stopped “cold turkey” and never got engorged, leaked, or had the feeling of any kind of over full feeling. I felt guilty and was afraid he wouldn’t be as healthy as his big brother. That was not the case at all. I think formula was the best option for him. With the last baby, who just turned 9 months, I had to stop when his tooth came in last week. He was using me for a chew toy and that was not working out. He had started weaning on his own. He eats well and drinks formula and even milk with no problems. Here is the funny side of my story. My left breast is fine. No problems. The right is engorged. I will put a cold pack on it when I finish here. I just wanted to let everyone know that each nursing experience is as difference as the child you are nursing. If it doesn’t work for you once and you really want to do it then you can try again with the next child. On the other hand, using formula doesn’t make you any less a mother. To be perfectly honest, breastfeeding is demanding. If my other children weren’t already in school I don’t think it would have been an option for me.
I have had 3 children. I breastfed the first one for 9 months with no problems and had no problems when I stopped. I just weaned him and cut out feedings a few at a time until he completely stopped. I guess he was about 10 months or so by the time I completely stopped. My second child was only a month old when I stopped nursing him. He was staying attached to the breast for what seemed like the entire day. He never seemed satisfied. Once I put him on a bottle he was a much happier baby. I stopped “cold turkey” and never got engorged, leaked, or had the feeling of any kind of over full feeling. I felt guilty and was afraid he wouldn’t be as healthy as his big brother. That was not the case at all. I think formula was the best option for him. With the last baby, who just turned 9 months, I had to stop when his tooth came in last week. He was using me for a chew toy and that was not working out. He had started weaning on his own. He eats well and drinks formula and even milk with no problems. Here is the funny side of my story. My left breast is fine. No problems. The right is engorged. I will put a cold pack on it when I finish here. I just wanted to let everyone know that each nursing experience is as difference as the child you are nursing. If it doesn’t work for you once and you really want to do it then you can try again with the next child. On the other hand, using formula doesn’t make you any less a mother. To be perfectly honest, breastfeeding is demanding. If my other children weren’t already in school I don’t think it would have been an option for me.
I have breastfed my son for 15 months now. He and I both love it and it has become extremely more convenient than formula feeding. It was very difficult in the beginning however but I am so glad that I stuck with it. Each person must do what is right for their family and situation, although everyone should know the benefits of breastfeeding and that breastfeeding is not easy in the beginning. I had mastitis twice and clogged milk ducts non-stop. I kept going and dealt with it as I went, one day at a time. If you hang in there for 6-8 weeks it truly gets so much better. I would say at about 2-3 months it became so easy and convenient. Again, I am so glad I stuck with it and you may be too if you hang in there. Go into it knowing it will be difficult and be so proud of yourself when you get through the clogged milk ducts, sore nipples, etc. because you are giving your baby the best nutrients with breastmilk.
I have to say that I have had many people who have tried to discourage me from breastfeeding b/c they thought it was strange I was still b-feeding past six months, or stating that formula is the same, etc. I am so glad I didn’t let their comments and judgements of me breastfeeding get to me. Just as some of you feel that you are being attacked for formula feeding…90% of the people I have come into contact with, think I am crazy for still breastfeeding at 15 months. Just remember, just as I will not judge you for formula feeding do not judge me for breastfeeding.
Thank you soooooo very much for your post! It has completely validated my thoughts and my decision to end breast feeding. I am happy I was able to do it for the 3 weeks that I have. Thank you again!!!
I once read about a woman who had a difficult time breastfeeding, and she was convinced it was a natural process and refused to believe that her baby needed formula. As her baby steadily failed to thrive while breastfeeding, she asked her doctor what happened to babies who couldn’t breastfeed before formula was available. The doctor simply said, “Many of them died.” So to all those heartless, sad people who are judging these women who chose not to breastfeed or could not breastfeed, shame on you. Many babies are alive today because of formula. My mother raised me on formula back in the 70s and I’m intelligent woman (scholarships to college and an executive position at 30 years of age). ALL adopted children are raised on formula. So don’t tell me children are at a disadvantage if they don’t breastfeed. Yes, breastmilk is better, but it’s not the answer to all of life’s problems for you OR your baby.
Just to reassure you lot. Breastfeeding is very painful in the first week or so after a birth. You will feel very engorged and uncomfortable. However, this feeling disappears after the first week and by six months, you breasts will be back to their oldselves. Don’t let the first week put you off. It is really much the easiest thing to do in the first six months when everything has to be sterilised.
I have just stopped feeding my nine month old and she drinks formula from a cup. I stopped because she kept on biting me. The older one was less distracted and more interested in nursing and I fed her at bedtime until she was 13 months.
I think you are all wonderful mothers regardless of whether or not you breast feed your baby. Don’t you dare measure how good of a mom you are based on something like that. Shower your babies with love, give them a warm place to sleep, and a safe place to play. If you gave breast feeding a go and it didn’t agree with you, I see no problem switching to formula. Those people who made negative comments have not walked a day in your shoes. Shame on them. “Australian Aboriginal Bush Woman” (see an earlier entry, March 13, 2007)now i’ve heard everything. Lady–get bent.
Please help!! I have breastfed my son for 7 months now, in spite of afterbirth complications and all. He is only in the 6% on the growth chart. So i nurse him constantly. I work, i am exausted and have no life. He is awake ever hour all night using me as a human pacifer… he refused a bottle or a binkie since day one even after i had to have a emergency DnC. What can i do!!!
Just in the process of giving up breast feeding after 1 painful month (mentally and physically) How wonderful to find a site with so many comments echoing what I think of breastfeeding. I stuck with breast feeding for 3 months with my first child and vowed I would never do it again. But like many others I was pressured by the system and slavishly took it up again for my second child. Formula and a happy mom is far better than the breast and a miserble mom. Breast is definitely not best in the eyes of my lively two year old boy who has to watch his previously playful mummy sat on her bum for 45 mins every 2 – 3 hours feeding his new baby brother. To all you do gooders – breast is best for some but not for all. I presume all the ‘breast is best’ do gooders never put their child in nursery and cook wonderful organic food for the rest of their lives….. Yes I thought so.
I’m from England and attitudes are pretty much the same – breast is best – which means you feel guilty for wanting to stop! I fed my son for 4 weeks and stopped cold turkey after I just felt too overwhelmed and tired to continue. It’s the best thing we’ve done, he’s now super happy and content, now he’s actually full! He slept through the night at 8 weeks and I enjoy the time with my baby rather than dreading him waking up because I knew he’d want feeding… I wil breastfeed my next baby for as long as I want to, but will not abuse myself by feeling guilty when I decide to stop.
Thank you for blogging about this subject! I have decided after 3 miserable weeks of breastfeeding, that I need to quit for my own sanity. I am an unhappy mommy due to sleep deprivation and feeling like my body is a slave to my child’s eating schedule. Not to mention the pain that I endure at each feeding, and the feeling of anxiety when he wakes up ready to eat, knowing the pain I will experience. Breastfeeding is supposed to encourage bonding with your baby, but I feel so distant from him and almost resent him for hurting me and eating so often. The same thing happened with my first son, and I stopped after 5 weeks with him. He is now a healthy, active, incredibly smart 6 year old. He never had any of the problems that are supposed to be more likely to occur with formula fed babies, like recurrent ear infections, food allergies, and weight problems. I have felt guilty about stopping so soon with this baby, and have done a lot of research online trying to find some support, but all I find is info about breastfeeding being the best and how to keep breastfeeding when you want to give up. There is no support for women who really NEED to stop for reasons other than the so-called “valid” reasons, like nipple pain and not producing enough milk. Nobody ever addresses the issues of mom’s mental state and just plain frustration. The one constant support I have had is my husband, who has told me that he will support me in whatever decision I make and that he just wants me to be happy and enjoy our baby. I think that is the most important thing….to enjoy your baby…otherwise you cannot be a good mommy. Thank you again for saying this “out loud” as it seems that this has come to be shameful subject, and we need a lot more support for women like us.
I’m so glad to have found this site. I am a new mom and decided to quit breastfeeding yesterday- my baby is 22 days old. 🙁 Like many others who posted, I have huge guilt but I believe that I was not able to produce milk. I had a difficult 3 day birth ending in a cesarean. At the hospital my breasts were swollen due to the tons of medications, so my nipples were literally flat and we could not get him to latch for the few days I was at the hospital. I requested to meet with a lactation consultant at the hospital, but she called in sick during my stay. One of the nurses finally did spend 5 minutes with us, but it never resulted in a latch. So after leaving the hospital, I went and saw a lactation consultant (crying in her office) and started using the nipple shields and pumping. I continued to do this- feeding him and pumping to supplement many times a day. During my pumping sessions, all I could get was 1 ounce AT THE MOST in ONE day! While he was on the breast I wouldn’t really hear him swallowing, and after each session we gave him formula because he still seemed hungry. Btw, I NEVER had that hard, engorged feeling in my breast that many women talk about. They are still soft. Now he is eating upwards of 20 ounces in a 24 hour period (he was born 9.5 lbs)- and I decided that my 1 ounce a day is NOT going to feed my baby and that stepping up my pumping/sessions on my already sore nipples wasn’t going to fill in the shortage of the other 19 ounces. So with sadness and disappointment, I have given up breastfeeding. I take refuge in knowing that we really tried, because I do still think that “breast is best”. To prepare for breastfeeding, we spent almost $600 on pumps, nursing class/consultants, nursing bras/supplies, etc. I really thought I could feed him for 6 months to a year. Now I only hope I can have a better experience with any future children. In the end, like my cesarean (I wanted a natural, drug free birth–HA!), I’ve had to accept that things don’t always work the way I plan despite how hard I try to turn it around.
Wow!!!
I, too, am so thankful for finding this site.
I have been mulling for the past two weeks about whether or not to continue breastfeeding my 3 month and 1 day old, baby boy Benjamin, my fifth child. He was 5 weeks early and was supplemented with formula from day 1. Benji had problems latching for the first few weeks, so I pumped and bottlefed the BM with a few bottles of formula a day. When he finally started to latch on, with the help of a nipple shield, he would only nurse for about 7 minutes, on ONE breast only. So, I pumped some more and froze or refrigerated for a future feeding.
It is an extremely hard decision for me because, my second child (my only girl) passed from SIDS in 1989 at the age of 2 1/2 months.
My first child, Christopher was not breastfed at all and is soon to be 21. He is fine.
When I had my third child, Daniel (16),
he slept upright in a car seat (the fear of SIDS) for three months and I nursed him for only two weeks. He is fine.
My fourth child, Elijah, was nursed for six weeks. He is fine as well.
Getting passed the guilt is a majoher issue for me now, as before this pregnancy, I had frequent bouts of anxiety and depression.
Today I stopped BF. Benji had his normal 4am and 8am feeding and I am done. I had been freezing some milk from my pumpings, as well, so he’ll have some for a few weeks.
I was constrained to nursing or pumping every 2 hours. I could stretch it to 3 or 4hrs, but I would be in so much pain by then, I started thinking that I should just stop altogether.
I am in so much pain right now that I had to actually pack the pump away. I did not want to give in to the madness that had become my daily routine of sending Benji downstairs with his brothers while I attached and relieved myself.
I took a warm shower to relieve some pain (no manual stimulation at all), packed the cabbage, took some Tylenol and Xanax (I have a pre-pregnancy prescription), have my ice pack handy and am going to stick it out.
I am very proud that I was able to BF for the last three months, but I want MY boobs back. Of course, I love my son, but I am not happy at all. My husband calls it ‘titty psychosis’. LOL
I believe that in the end, everyone will be happier.
This site has been a wonderful find, and I will share this with any of my friends who are contemplating quitting, but feel guilty.
Hang in there to all of you, as I will do the same.
I have a 2 year daughter I nursed for 7 months and the only reason I was able to last that long was a nipple shield. They are an absolute God send!!!! She had latch issues and the lactation consultant gave me one at the hospital when she was born to help her. Now, I have a 7 week old son. He had no latch issues so I felt I should nurse without the nipple shield. After one day of torture in the hospital, I started using the shield. I wonder why these are not offered to every mother who wants to nurse. I have had absolutely no pain nursing at all with either child and that seems to be a major reason of why moms quit. Medela makes them and you can buy them at Target for less than $6.
Anyways, I have decided to stop nursing my son because something that I am eating is tearing his stomach up. I have already cut dairy out of my diet completely. That seemed to work for about 3 days. Because dairy was a huge source of my protien, this has been very hard. His DR. had me switch to soy formula for 5 days to see if it helps, and it seems to be helping his belly (we’re on day 3). I have been pumping in case it the formula didn’t change things so I could go back to nursing, but now I don’t think I want to go back. When you have only one child, you can sit on the couch for hours at a time nursing, but when you have a 2 year old and a new baby, it’s hard to nurse all the time! I feel absolutely guilty but I think it’s best for both us if I stop. Now, I am decreasing the amount I pump and waiting longer. I had mastitis 3 times with my daughter, so I am trying not to wait too long between pumpings. I want my breasts to dry up quick. Any ideas?
Hi Yolanda et al!
I’m stopping feeding my 12 wk old son, George this week. I have a 5 yr old daughter as well who I fed for 8 months. I feel all the guilt and crappiness that goes with stopping but the fact is George is much happier when he has a bottle! Grace was completely different, she fed well at the breast, settled and was happy but George brings back alot of the feed, grunts and falls asleep still hungry. I also suffered from pnd last time round and I think this was due to the fact that I could not leave the baby for even an hour thus complicating everyday life (showering, peeing, having a cuppa etc). This, in retrospect added to my depression, so this time my hubby and mum can help out much more. I think it’s good to know that YOU HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE.
Breastfeeding isn’t a competition where at the finish you end up with the perfect, most contented child (my 5 yr old is definitely testament to that). Every mother is different, some can feed for hours on end, cope with broken nghts and run their day to day lives as well. These supermums may seem like they have it all but most of us can only exist in the moment, esp after 9 months of carrying the baby and the exhaustion of labour and birth. I know I’ve achieved something when I manage to peg the washing out! Don’t put pressure on yourself to feed for months or years when it isn’t right for you, remember nobody has all the answers and it just is not the right thing for everyone.
I know that doesn’t stop us feeling guilty about the ‘evil’ formula feeding but let’s face it as women we’re bound by a lifetime of guilt anyway (the mass media sees to that)! Just remember that a happy mummy equates to a happy baby and surely there is nothing wrong with that?
For easing the engorgment I would swear by cold cabbage leaves (gently crush the veins to release all the healing stuff) and some people recommend sage tea for helping milk to dry up more quickly but don’t take if you are pregnant again!
Good luck with the feeding and the rest of your lives with your beautiful and healthy babies! Cherish every moment x
Ladies, Dr. Michael Kramer of McGill University in Montreal published a landmark study on breastfeeding recently which turned up some very surprising results. Although he and his co-authors did find some medical benefits to breastfeeding, it appears the benefits have been hugely exaggerated in recent years, in terms of improving immunity, intelligence, gastrointestinal, and psychological health.
http://www.slate.com/id/2188499/
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/121/3/e435
Remember, back in the 60s, bottle feeding was the be all-end all. The breastfeeding mum was a freak. The pendulum swung, and now we’re in the all-or-nothing, ‘you have to breastfeed for 1-3 years or you’re a bad mother’ era. Hopefully this study will bring some badly needed rationality to the subject so mothers who have a tough time with breastfeeding stop being saddled with unnecessary guilt! If you manage day one and that’s all, bless you for trying!
Thanks. This has been very helpful.
Thank you, everyone for your honesty, advice, and for giving me a place to tell my story. I just took my 9 week old to a GI specialist after finding blood in her stool on 2 occassions. One possiblr cause is an allergy to something in my diet. There are ways to proceed that would allow me to breastfeed, but I have to cut out wheat, dairy, soy, peanuts, and eggs. It will take 13 weeks to reintroduce all foods again. In that time, I feel like I will be playing Russian roulette with my daughter’s GI tract, just waiting to see what will set it off. Also, lots of foods have ingredients that you wouldn’t expect and if I ingest something without realizing it, my kid will suffer and we won’t realize why. They could end up doing exploratory surgury because I ate something forbiden and didn’t reaize it! I don’t like the thought of that. But the hard parts for me are that I have been through so much already to be able to breast feed. We had to use a supplemental nursing system when she was born and then I got a yeast infection. I felt like I invested so much blood sweat and tears in the hopes that it would eventually improve and the beleif that it was best for my girl. Now my milk, or something in it may be making her sick. The worst part is that I technically have a choice, but it just doesn’t seem fair to her or me. Regardless of what I decide to do, she has to go on a hypoallergenic formula immediately, so the idea that her last time to breast feed already happened and I didn’t know it makes me sad. I appreciate being reminded that I am doing my best and that it can be OK. Thanks.
Thank you so much for this site. I breast fed my now 3-yr old for 4 months, and I am quite satisfied that I did it that long. I’m all into the “natural” thing, but I had to change my mind on a few things after I had to have a c-section for my 3-yr old and subsequently with my 1-week old. I previously would judge those who were not into natural birth, breastfeeding, recycling, no medications, etc. Now I have relaxed my views, and after reading all of the blogs, I see there are only a few that are totally ANTI-FORMULA, and I say “take a chill pill.” My left breast is so sore after a week of breastfeeding that I give up, and my child is actually a good nurser. So THANK GOD FOR FORMULA! Now I just need to wait for the pain to ebb…I just quit immediately with no pumping a little, etc. (I absolutely despise pumping.)
Even though this thread was started over a year ago, I am so happy to have found it. I have a healthy and happy 3 month old baby girl. I also have a HEALTHY and HAPPY 5 year old as well! I nursed my 5 year old for almost 3 months and endured so much pain and anxiety almost the whole time. She got thrush and I had TERRIBLY sore nipples, but kept trying to go through with it. It was a bad experience for me, but I kept seeing a lac. spc. and she Rx’d me medication for the thrush and thrush on my nipples, but I never felt totally healed. After much sadness and pain (I really wanted to be the Wonderful Mom that breastfeeds!!) I decided to give it up. I felt so guilty, just as the many mothers on this post have said, and felt like I was letting my little baby down by not lasting longer. Anyway, I got pregnant with our 2nd child and was elated because I wanted to try (and succeed this time) breastfeeding again. No problems at birth, all went great and even b/f went great for about 3-4 days, then I noticed a little white in her mouth and told her pediatrician I thought she may be getting thrush as my 1st baby did. She said “Don’t worry about it, take some acidopholous (sp?) and you will be ok.” Well, she got thrush super bad and my nipples were again all tore up. I tried pumping exclusively for 6 straight days and it started to heal a bit, but when I put her back to my breast, the pain came back pretty quick. After only 12 days, and remembering back to my first experience, I decided to throw in the towel and quit. I was always crying due to the pain and also crying because I was going back and forth trying to decide what to do (quit or go on). My hubby has been so supportive through it all. He said, “Quit if you need to, you will probably be happier because you won’t be in so much pain!” It was such a hard decision because I was like, “I made it almost 3 months with my first, but I could barely make it 12 days with my 2nd.” It has been almost 3 months now since I quit and I (and baby) couldn’t be happier. Now I only have to endure the emotions of going back to work fulltime next week….oh dear… 🙂 Thanks to all for your posts, very helpful.
This has BEEN REALLY HELPFUL. I am trying to wean my almost 7 mo. old cause she keeps biting and pinching. My third child and I feel proud that i made it this far. My first child attempt lasted 1 day and 2nd child attempt lasted 3 weeks. Guess im getting better with age. But it is not for everyone. I am lucky not to have worked this time around, otherwise I would have forfieted earlier. Now if i can just get past this night feeding & engorgment. I also wanted to add that Jaydan took to nursing fine, but she spits up continueously after every feeding except while sleeping…I was told by 3 Dr.’s that some babies are just spitters…but since I have introduced formula this spitting up has been 95% better. I even altered my diet for months and nothing worked. I am much happier and I think she is too.
I stopped nursing my daughter 2 weeks ago but didn’t become engourged and hurting until yesterday. What is going on? I was a little sore when I first stopped nursing but now the pain is almost unbearable. What can I do? I did try to express a little milk to ease the pain but that made it MUCH worse! Please help!
You know what kills me? I had a terrible delivery. It was quick (7 hours), NO DRUGS, cuz I was going fast (then there was the hours of pushing and discoverying her head was caught in the cord)…and she was almost 9 pounds. Ouch. But I digress. I have large breasts. I had NO milk. I tried and tried and tried. The nurses brought my crying daughter to me it seemed every half hour. I was exhausted and sore and, etc. I tried, I did. I was kept in the hospital for 5 days because I couldn’t stop bleading. Our daughter was fine, but hungry. I tried. The nurses showed me what to do. I tried. When we went home, all she did was cry…I breastfed her on demand…all she did was cry and get frustrated with me. I pumped, and nothing came out. She was HUNGRY…and I had no milk. I called the pediatrician and he said give her a bottle asap. My sis in law brought over formula, and my little newborn ate 4 oz and wanted MORE. I called the doctor again, he said give her 2 more oz. We did, and she was finally happy. She slept for 6 hours, full and happy, and on waking wanted more food. What was I supposed to do? Part of me was relieved because I was so frustrated myself…and part of me was terribly worried she wasn’t getting any nutrition, and the pumping proved she wasn’t. I was completely dry the next day!!! I’m happy to say she is a well-adjusted healthy girl. The guilt I felt for not having milk was PUT ON ME by society forcing the breastfeeding to begin with. Frankly, 6 weeks is enough, and they say a week is also good. Having a toddler, who can talk, walk, think, chew with teeth, on your boob….that’s just UNnatural.
I have been reading through these comments for the past half hour and what a laugh I had. Just loved it. That nasty old society, putting so much pressure on you all to breastfeed. Everybody quitting after 1 or 2 weeks. Do you know how spoilt you all sound?
Just out of interest:
Does everybody in the USA “pump” their milk? Do you actually pay for breasfeeding consultations?Don’t you have home visitors or child health visitors(free service offered in most European countries and in Australasia) to help out.Do they hand out formula samples in hospitals ???(thats illegal in most countries) The amount of misinformation is astounding. And there you have some people who are not even going to try breastfeeding because they stumbled onto this site! wow! But anyhoo, just so you know:
The Australian Breasfeeding Association has a good article on weaning- sudden or gradually. Go to their website and go to breastfeeding information. There is also a piece on feeling guilty about quitting(which most of you will need) and a section on weaning toddlers (which most of you won’t need).
Thank you. It is comforting to know I am not alone in my aches, pains, worry, stress, guilt and frustration. Especially it is good to know that many women have found they have made the correct choice in deciding to stop breastfeeding. My little girl will not benefit from having a mother in so much pain she is aftaid to feed her. I know she sensed my anxiety and there are countless other ways we loving mothers can show our love and devotion to our babies without sacrificing our physical and emotional health and well-being, not to mention our sanity. Thank you again!
Hey Cindy..(post Oct 9 2008).
I apologise to those people who may read this and do not approve of profanity. But I really can’t keep my head down about this one..
Cindy, why don’t you fuck off. You say you’ve been reading these posts for half an hour. Well so have I, and I didn’t feel that any of these comments were from ‘spoilt’ women. I felt that they were comments from women who were suffering, anxious, and at the end of their collective tethers. Are you watching in Bitch!Vision? Now, I don’t know you, and for all I know milk flows out of your generous udders like manna from heaven and you could feed all our kids. I don’t care. If you can read these posts and say what you’ve said then a) you have no empathy and b) I despise you. Putting in links to helpful information doesn’t sweeten your nasty little pill. Personally I wouldn’t trust your information or want your advice. If your intention is to shame people into continuing to breastfeed by posting your nonsense here…how dare you? It’s not your choice to make, and I think you might find, if you read these posts through properly, that the people writing them have actually spent quite a bit of time trying very hard to decide what to do, and really really don’t need your ‘help’. I hope you come back on here and read this, I really do (and as I have my suspicions you’ve posted previously, I think you might). I’ve posted here before, and been through what these women have, and I can tell you categorically that I did not ever stop because I was bored with it, or couldn’t be bothered, or (and how your implication here pisses me off) because I didn’t care about my children. Who, incidentally, are perfectly healthy and normal. As am I. Anyway, I know I’m rambling, so I just want to sum it all up for you. Fuck. Right. Off.
Thank you so much for this!
I finally made the decision last night to stop breastfeeding my son.
Together, we battled through 5 weeks of hell. I am struggling to come to terms with everything so far. Nothing has gone to plan. He was born by emergency caesarean a week and a day overdue after a strip and stretch the day before, a 12 hour labout that didn’t progress at all, and a very distressed baby who’s heart nearly stopped as the cord was around his neck twice. Then, when he was a week old, and weighed by the visiting midwife, he had lost weight. I was upset beyond belief as he was feeding practically constantly. He was difficult and she told me to put him to the breast every time he seemed to want it. Needles to say, I spent they entire day following in bed with him attatched to my breast. My mother came in to find me bawling and devastated and after a long discussion, she went and bought some formula for him to supplement. I had been in tears every feed from excruciatingly painful nipples, and just as they started to get better, he and I developed thrush (I had already been suffering from severe vaginal thrush from the antibiotics from hospital – my thighs were red raw) and I also developed cracked nipples. I persevered and the thrush was finally easing but my son wouldn’t latch properly. He would take to the breast for a few seconds and then fuss and pull off and scream. I know I had no problems with supply because when I did manage to get him back on, he would feed for about 5mins and then pull off and refuse it and I would still be able to express. The stress was too much for me. He wasn’t content and just refused to breastfeed so I discussed it with my Mother on the phone last night. I just needed someone to say that it was OK.
Nobody tells you how difficult it can be to breastfeed, and the emotions you go through when you feel that you are not an adequate parent because you can’t even provide for your child. I tried, damnit, I know I did and if anyone lectures me, or if one more person says, “Oh! You aren’t breastfeeding?!”, well I think I just might loose it. Do they think I would just give up on the best food for my child without fighting for it? He is the only thing that I am concerned about and I think I have earned the right to be stress free about it all after all I have been through… Now I just have to find the balls to say something to my M.I.L who grabbed my son off my husband before I had even been able to meet him due to the general anesthetic. Wish me luck!
Thank you for posting your personal experience. I came across it when I needed it most & was desperate to find anyone that was experiencing similar issues as myself. I just stopped breastfeeding one week ago – my newborn was 3 weeks old. I have a new respect for those mothers who are able to breastfeed for longer. It was a tough decision to stop, however, it was taking a mental toll on me. I had to go to pump full time because my baby had a short latch and was feeding every 30-45 minutes as a result. I was not enjoying one bit of the breastfeeding experience. I still have plenty of bonding time with my child & feel as if we are all happier as a result.
On a side note, I strongly suggest using cabbage leaves to relieve some of the pain & swelling associated with engorgement. It was a lifesaver. I stopped cold turkey & experienced a bit of discomfort. However, I was mentally ready to stop & prepared for the pain. It was manageable. The worst of the pain lasted about 3 days & eased up after. I wore snug nursing bras, double nursing pads & cabbage leaves for about 4 days. It wasn’t pretty, but did the job. In additon, I put ice paks over cabbage on top of my breasts for about 10 minutes 2-3 times a day for 3 days.
Thank you all so much for sharing. Thank you Stormy for starting this, I teared up while reading some of the posts. Its great to know there are other people out there with the same feelings. I have been pumping for 11 weeks and ready to call it quits. Everywhere you look, there is only “breast is best” information, and you are made to feel very guilty about quitting. I spent the first month of my baby’s life crying and feeling like a failure. I’m happy I stuck it out this long, but ready to move onto the next phase of our relationship. And if formula was that bad, why would it be sold over the counter? Why would it not be banned by the FDA? Both my husband and I were formula fed exclusively and we turned out just fine!!!!!
Thank you. Thank you..Thank you!
I have been breastfeeding for the past 5 weeks and also supplementing with formula. I have had sore nipples almost the entire time. I now have and intraductal yeast infection. (infection in the milk ducts inside the breast.) I am so frustrated. It seems I never get any sleep, the baby is still not latching on properly and therefore not getting enough milk. I am now in the process of weaning. Thanks for your website it has helped me feel better about my decision.
Thanks everyone for your posts.
I have been emotional for the last couple days going back and forth on deciding whether or not I want to continue breastfeeding my 1 week old. Like others have said, with the pain it causes, I have dreaded feeding him and rather than it being a time for us to bond, it’s just a time that makes me miserable. Many of my family members are also uncomfortable around breastfeeding mothers, so it makes it hard when they come to visit. I either watch their uncomfortable faces, or go in the other room and be unable to enjoy their company, when they are here to help and celebrate having our new baby! I don’t enjoy being constantly leaky and wet, and having to wear a bra around the clock just to not get milk all over everything. It is not relaxing at all, and doesn’t make me a happy mommy for either of my boys. It’s still a hard decision to make, but it’s good to know there are others having similar feelings.
I just want to say thank you for this post, I am a mommy to be in a very short while and can’t decide what is right for me and my baby and I have been leaning toward Formula Feeding for the simple fact I just don’t FEEL like breast feeding and have gotten bashed BADLY for it for not having a good enough excuse I guess??
I’m very late on this discussion but I thought my experience worth sharing as it might help someone else some day! My daughter was born after a straight forward birth and fed fine straight away but after a few days I gave up breastfeeding- the usual reasons -bleeding nipples, crying baby, had no idea what I was doing,I knew nobody who had breastfed so had no advise (did have a midwife out 3 days running but that was no help) and basically completely panicked. So swapped to bottles and my diligently fed my daughter with bottles until she was about 10 weeks. At this point I started to research more about infant feeding (I know it seems crazy- why didn’t I do this before I had the baby!) as my daughter seem
ed to be gaining weight more quicky than the other babies and I was worried I was over feeding her (I was told by countless health visitors that I wasn’t and that you can’t overfeed a baby – I now know this to be untrue). Anyway, following my research I decided to have another go at breastfeeding (felt so guilty having quit) and set about getting my daughter back on the breast, I had to use a hospital grade double pump every few hours, take suppliments, use a SNS (a device with tubes that attach to the nipples-that you pump formula through to encourage baby to the breast)> It was a monumental effort that went on for almost 6 months during which time I had some success and was able to feed my daughter for some feeds (but never exclusively). However, all of this came at such a cost- I was a breaking point, I was on anti depressants, convinced I was a terrible mother and I’d got it all wrong and probably ruined my daughters life by formula feeding her- and even worse – overfeeding her. My daughter is now over four years old (Im happy to report a healthy, average sized, smart child) and I still worry about this and I still google regularly to read other peoples breastfeedig stories to reassure myself that Im not the only one who found it difficult-that I’m not the only mother who found breastfeeding almost impossible. I try to be the best mother I can every day (I have since had a son and breastfed him for 7 months- so much more prepared second time round). But I find it very difficult to leave this behind and it’s great read the other stories and the support on this posting.
The many comments are wonderful. I am a mother of 2 (an 8 week old and a 22 month old). I felt like I was all alone in wanting to stop breastfeeding. I had an emergency c-section and didn’t get to see my son for a day or so and he was started on formula and we have supplemented very minimally since. My son is very fussy and he doesn’t rest well. On the rare ocassions he has gone to the babysitter, he had formula and rested very well and seemed much happier. I’ve wanted to stop breastfeeding for months, but as soon as I make up my mind to stop he has a good day and I feel guildy. This is suppose to be the most exciting time of my life, but it’s not! My son nurses every 2 hours and between nursing, I’m trying to get a little rest and find something to eat or drink to keep my supply up. (Oh yeah, forgot to mention, having to take Reglan to increase my milk supply) Spending so much time nursing or preparing to nurse leaves very little time for anything else. I find myself grumpy, crying, and often impatient with my 22 month old who I feel is being left out of what could be a wonderful experience. Today I said that I am going to begin the weaning process, but I’m so guilt ridden, I’m not sure if I’ll go through with it.
I forgot to add, my nipples have been SORE for 2 months!!!!!
I just wanted to say thank you for all of the posts. My son is 13 weeks old and I struggled for the first 9 weeks. Getting over the pain with the nipple shield for 6 weeks. Then realizing the dairy in my diet was causing some issues. I stopped using the nipple shield cause all the books say so. Also cut dairy out of my diet. The doctor diagnosed him with reflux and put him on zantac at 2 months old.I also wasn’t producing enough milk because of changing from the nipple shield and had to start trying to pump. This poor little boy has been through more in his little life than my oldest did by the time he was three years old. I feel tired and stressed about feeling tired and stressed. He’s a wonderful little baby, finally gaining weight and smiling and giggling. Beautiful little boy and the best thing I can give him is a mommy who can take care of him. I think the guilt will always be there because I’ve come this far, but I’m just so tired and would rather deal with the guilt rather than the stress. I hope everyone makes the best decision for them..and doesn’t think that they are bad mommies and not good enough because of anything that they go through. It makes you a better mommy to make the hard decisions for you and baby!! Good luck to everyone!
THANK YOU for this….I was having the same issues researching this on the internet….my baby is 5 weeks and I just started to stop nursing her, because I decided crying through every feeding ( really…EVERY feeding) due to REALLY sore nipples was not acceptable. YES I have seen lactation counselors and YES she is gaining perfect weight. I think it’s just my anatomy. The few times I have given my daughter formula, we are both more relaxed and engaged in each other…..it’s like we are both struggling through the breast feeding! Appreciate your post, it helped me not feel so alone!
Very helpful! Thank you so much for writing about your experience.
I know this is old but was so helpful & made me feel so much better. Thank you for your honesty & for the info.
Thanks for posting this. I found it really helpful. I breastfed for 5 months (my plan was for 6 months) but even then I found the Health Visitor looked like she dissapproved when I told her he was totally on formula. I know it’s good that they try to encourage women to breastfeed (since Breast is best)but I think the fact that you tried in the first place is a marvellous thing, when some women don’t even try it at all. I know how you feel. My baby was feeding every two hours for 20mins which then increased to every 45mins but the length of time between feeds was only 3 hours by then! It was consuming my day and buying a fancy breastpump didn’t help as then your day is also taken up with pumping/feeding/pumping/feeding!
My baby gradually didn’t want to feed from me anymore and his bottle feeds went up. I still fed him at night until he started to sleep through and then I decided to drop the morning feed (which increased to 1hr 20mins!!) and now give him formula instead. I was suprised at my guilt pangs for swapping to formula but I know I shouldn’t feel that way besides my baby made the decision to change to formula.
Feel proud that you did your best and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad Mum. I’m lucky that the milk has been gradually drying up too. I think if you do it slowly and introduce more and more bottle feeds, your breasts wont engorge and the milk will dry up.
correction to my comment- I meant the length of feed increased to 45mins
Hi,
Thanks for your post, I would like to add I was happy breastfeeding in the beginning and thought would continue for 6 months. My daughter is 3 and half month when I decided to go on formula(felt very guilty and did alot of research yet was very emotional doing it) since she would be restless in the night as she didnt get enough milk(and yes I know about growth spurts but it was weeks of restless nights), and I felt I was nursing her all the time. It was either for comfort/hunger/tired/sleep. I tried to do alot of things(breast pump but she wouldnt accept the bottle nor the dummy) which the health visitor suggested then I decided to swap(she cried for half an hr but after that when she realized that I am not giving in she now accepts bottle as well as dummy), now my daughter Anika sleeps through the night and sleep better during the day as well. Travelling has become easier as well and we both enjoy more play time, sharing a bath, swimming etc. I did get a disapproving look and some lectures but I ignored it. I have nursed my baby well and hopefully she will have a good immunity system, I was a bottle fed baby and I feel I am pretty immune to common illnesses. I think it should be a mother’s decison how they would like to feed their baby and its nothing to do with being a bad mum if they bottle feed(which I feel is much more a balanced diet than my breastmilk esp when I used to eat junk). The most important thing is to be happy and enjoy motherhood and show your baby your affection. For me to make her quit at this age was much easier, since the older the baby is the more difficult the parting is. Whatever it is, I do salute mums who can carry on breastfeeding for a year or so, for me I think 3 1/2 months was good enough (enjoyed it and now enjoying it more). I love you Anika.
oh my goodness THANK YOU for this post. it is 1am and i am crying because I want to stop breastfeeding, for the exact reasons you posted, and I feel AWFUL and have not found any helpful information or support to make me feel any better. My little guy would nurse for HOURS all day all night and I am just sooo tired and so sore. I also coulndt pump due to the constant nursing and used formula, which he loved and drank in like 8-10 minutes and would sleep much longer after having it. This post made me feel so much better knowing that moving away from breastfeeding for reasons other than extreme health concerns is normal and shouldnt be frowned upon the way it is. so, again, thank you so much!
Like everyone else on here I have been struggling to come to terms with giving up breastfeeding. I’ve gone back and forth so many times and have felt extremely guilty for not choosing to feed my daughter “the best”. I’ve already started the weaning process and Sophie could not be happier with the formula…took to it like a duck to water. (she actually takes naps now instead of nursing all day!) Thank you for sharing this!!
A great post, thank you!
I’m the Mum to a happy healthy 12 week old who is entirely bottle fed (combination of 80% expressed breast milk and 20% formula). I’ve been pumping breast milk for pretty much every feed since she was 4 weeks old. I too have no ‘excuse’ to stop other than I’m finding it difficult. Funny how it’s ok to stop if there’s a medical reason but not ok if you just decide you’re done. I found she was a happier baby and better sleeper once I could ensure she had enough milk (why don’t breasts have a volume gage?!). I felt bad about stopping with breast feeding and switching to bottle feeding, even though it was still breast milk, and now I feel bad about switching to all formula.
After a lot of searching on the Internet and a lot of inner searching, I think I’ve finally been able to realise that it is my choice, and I choose the way that ensures I can provide the greatest amount of love for my child because it’s love that counts most.
Thanks so much for posting this – as everyone else has mentioned, there is no support for moms that just struggle emotionally or from sore nipples which in my opinion is a medical reason to stop. My daughter is 4 weeks old today, she latched well in the hospital, but only fed every 5-6 hours. She went from 15-20 minutes on each side to only 4-5 minutes on each side over the course of that first week.
By the time we had our home visit the poor thing had dropped a whole pound and had became terribly jaundice and lethargic. I gave up on taking her to breast and started pumping to try and get her as much milk as possible. I discovered that my milk supply ever 2-3 hours was only 1 ounce, no wonder she was jaundice and lethargic! So I jumped through all the hoops to increase my supply. I started on fenugreek – popping 10-12 pills a day, I drank massive amounts of water, made sure to nap as much as possible, heating pads, massages, you name it, we did it.
After a couple days with barely any change – we were forced to start supplementing her. She gets about 1.5-2 ounces of mommy milk per feeding and another 2.5-3 ounces of formula. The biggest problem I have is that it takes me about 15-20 minutes to pump my measly 2 max ounces every 2-3 hours. I have a baby that only feeds every 3-4 hours, which means we’re not in sync. Its like the most evil schedule ever. I’m either pumping or I’m bottle feeding – that is my day.
I’ve gotten to the point where I feel I just need to stop. I’m exhausted, the stress of not making enough milk depresses me to no end, and despite having a ton of guilt about taking away the mommy milk, I think having a mom that isn’t depressed and strung out from exhaustion is WAY more beneficial than the alternative.
I am going through exactly the same thing. “Breast is best” keeps going through my head but pumping up to 8 times a day, 45mins- to an hour each time is exhausting, especially when I only get about 40-80 ml. I’m on medication to help and there is also a concern about that going into my milk. I just feel so guilty, but I agree that a relaxed mum that can play and comfort her child is more importnant. People say that babies that are breastfed are smarter and healthier, but my husband was formula fed and has no health problems and has three university degrees!. I was breasfed and have asthma and had skin problems.
It has been great reading these responses. I tried breastfeeding for 5 weeks. I suffered an extreme amount of pain with nipple thrush, cracked nipples, fissure on each nipples, I got a staf infection and mastitis. I was expressing up to 7 times a day plus the breastfeeding my nipples were so damaged they just never had a chance to recover.
I expressed exclusively for one week as the hospital told me not to put my baby back on the breast as my nipples were so bad. I had supply problems from the get go so no breastfeeding just reduced my supply further til there was not much there. I went to the breast feeding support clinic twice, to a one on one lactation consultant, spoke to the Australian breastfeeding association….everyone and not once did anyone ask me how this affected me and my relationship with my daughter. I was strung out, starting to get symptoms of depression and felt scared of feed times. I in the end decided happy mum…happy baby and went to formula feeding. I don’t feel guilty, I feel sad that my first breastfeeding experience wasn’t what I thought it would be, but I don’t feel guilty. Yes breast is best but babies need love and nurturing more than breast milk.
I am a mother of a 9 1/2 month old and still breastfeeding. This article was very helpful in the questions that I have had for some time now. I’m only a little concerned about weaning, as I LOVE breastfeeding, enjoy the time with my daughter and don’t really want to give it up. The only reason that I plan to is to get pregnant again. I only plan to breastfeed her for a year, but I am already grieving letting that time go with her. I know that it will free up a lot more time, but that wasn’t a huge issue for me, as I am a stay at home mom. I love the bond between my baby and me. It’s such a blessing and God really produced a miracle when he made milk from the breast. Thank you again for this article, as I am not as nervous now about weaning at a year and I have more of an idea how to do it! Praise the Lord for His goodness and mercy to all of us!
It is so hard to get over feeling guilty for not breastfeeding or stopping breastfeeding. My daughter is now 9 weeks old. She ate only breastmilk for the first three weeks of her life. She only ate about 2oz then. My days were spent nursing, pumping, nursing, pumping and NOT sleeping. Nursing was more difficult then I ever thought. In the hospital the LC gave me a nipple sheild or guard whatever you want to call it because I had short nipples. My little one was having trouble latching on. So they told me to wear it and then my nipples would get longer as nursing went on and then to stop using it. What a pain that thing was… I had to hold it on and make sure it didn’t slip while the baby nursed. My little girl would nurse for an hour. I would stop at an hour because I could sit there hunched over anymore. She constantly fell asleep (at night so would I)during feeding.
Okay so the nipple sheild was hard. I pumped a few oz at a time and my husband would get up once at night and feed her a bottle so I could sleep a little. She did fine with a bottle and slept better after a bottle of breastmilk. I am guessing she wasn’t getting enough while nursing for an HOUR. At three weeks my step son came for two weeks in the summer. He is six. I was not comfortable breastfeeding in front of him. I didn’t want him going home to his mom talking about seeing my boobs all day long. I tried to cover up but with holding the nipple sheild and trying to switch breasts it was just a mess. I couldn’t go in the other room all the time and leave him by himself when my husband was at work. So the baby started getting a bottle for more feedings. Then even after an hour of nursing, she was hungry. We introduced formula at this point after nursing. She began to get formula after every feeding due to hunger.
Finally we went out to dinner with our friends (5 other couples, four of which has babies this summer, all breastfeeding!) I talked to my good friend, who was pregnant with her second and breastfed her first for a YEAR without every using formula, about my trouble feeding and my feelings feeding. She made me feel a little better about crying when feeding because your so tired! I went home and threw out the nipple guard. This made things so much easier when feeding but now I can’t produce enough milk.
To sum up to where we are now my production has all but stopped. I am only pumping an oz at a time. Far less than the four she eats at every feeding. My little one has eaten up all the frozen supply I started working on right away after she was born and she is on special Nutramigen formula because she has tummy troubles.
I know she its getting hardly any milk when I nurse her now. I know my production has all but stopped completly but I still pump and nurse her. She eats probably only four oz of breastmilk a day. My husband says its okay to stop. But I still feel guilty and haven’t completly given up eventhough nothing is coming out.
We go to the doc tomorrow and I am looking for him to tell me its okay to stop. Even if he doesn’t, reading about all of your breastfeeding adventures has been comforting.
My husband nor I were breastfed. We both have good jobs, healthy weights (except for the baby weight I am working off) and love our children like crazy. I think my baby girl will be okay without breastfeeding for months more.
My stepson was also 6 when I was breastfeeding. One day I was feeding the baby and he came and sat next to me and asked if he could hold the baby. I said, “Sure, as soon as he’s done eating.” My stepson grabbed his own chest and said “There’s FOOD in there????” He was absolutely disgusted!
Sophie and I only made it to 5 weeks and then we quit breastfeeding. I also felt EXTREMELY guilty about it. I was worried she would hate me for it, that she wouldn’t be healthy, that something would go wrong and it would be all my fault for not breastfeeding. Sophie’s now 4 months old, completely formula fed and absolutely the happiest, healthiest baby ever. And mommy’s happy too! 🙂 Mommies who bottlefeed love their babies just as much if not more than mommies who breastfeed, because we have to give up breastfeeding and deal with the fallout. 🙂 Hang in there… and just tell yourself that you need to do what’s best for you and your daughter, and if that’s formula then that’s ok. good luck!
I have been breastfeeding for 6 weeks and I am exhausted my little one is up every 2 hours to eat and I really need some rest! I produce enough milk but I too am annoyed with leaky boobs and bras 24/7. I really wanna stop at 2 months.
I’d like to say thank you for this site. I have been struggling for days on weather to stop breastfeeding or not. My daughter is just over 2 years old, and I was unable to breastfeed with her. I went through the same feelings with her as I am with my 3 week old son. With my son I’ve been trying Fenugreek, but with no success (except for smelling like maple syrup). Ever since my son was born he’s been supplemented with formula after each feeding. I’m getting a bit tired spending 1 1/2 hours per feeding just to have him want to eat an hour later. I stress about the time, and the benefits, and what society says is best. My husband tries to make me feel better, but it’s hard. The one thing that helps me feel better is the fact that breastfeeding has not been a success on either sides of my family. My mother and both grandmothers were unable to breastfeed, so I feel that it’s an anatomy issue. Still… it’s a hard decision. I truly feel that there should be more support out there for women who make this decision, and not cold shoulders. Thanks again for this site.
hi
my son was born at 26.5 weeks he is now 6 weeks corrected
i have been expressing for 19 weeks . I am over it yet i still express , i am trying so hard but with him being extremly prem its a hard slog
I now express when i can feed him from the boob when i can
i will not feel guilty
my mik did drop so i upped the xpressing , now with a super clingy bub , colicky , reflux and tiny
i cant express 3 hourly , he sometimes rarely stays on the breast for 1 hour and still drinks an entire bottle of formula , so i can completly identify with not knowing whether he has had enough
it is so stressful worrying about that as he isnt even 3 kilos and is 6 weeks corrected
so why worry
im not anymore , if i cant i cant , i cant tell him sorry i have to express he doesnt understand , he spent 15 weeks in the nicu why should he wait
since supplementing with formula
he ha sgained more weight as we were told on ebm they just were not happy with his weightgain
so after starting premgro he has gained more weight
the pead says it must be what he needs
the extra iron in the formula means he no longer has anemia
so it really has helped
we give only formula at night and now he is sleeping 5 hours and then small stretches of 3-4 afterwards
broken sleep is better than no sleep at all
they say babies are hardwired to breastfeed mine is not
he is a bottle fed baby who occassionally will suckle for comfort
dont beat yourselves up , you do what you can
and nobody should make u feel bad for that
Fantastic so find an unbiased opinion in the whole breast feeding thing, i decided to quieet after 9 weeks for many of the same reasons as you. I think people ignore the commitment it takes to breastfeed and that it can take over your life. before i became pregnant i was very active and i of course wanted that again. i feel that i gave my son 2 months of breast milk but now i can give him my time and attention. we can go on walks so he is out in the air etc etc. things like these will i feel benifit him and our bond on a whole other level and allow us to enjoy each others company, not just be close because a feed is involved.
found this artilce so refreshing that there are others who feel the same. the guilt that is placed on wanting to stop is huge and i feel unwarranted. Healthly babies have enjoyed formula for years and i dont think the stigma attached to formula feeding is fair. i was a formula fed baby and im not over weight i dont have any health problems and i didnt growing up.
Everyone should feel free to make their own decisions and do what feels right ot them
Thank you again for a realistic insight inot what breastfeeding can entail.
I totally remember those days!!! And fathers don’t understand what women do all day when they are at home… Breastfeed LOL. I made it ladies. Very hard at times. Socially too. Can’t wait to get my body back from my son, and give him a bottle.
Just this morning I sat with my 3 week old completely tensed up knowing he was going to latch on and it was going to hurt. He’s latching on correctly, but my nipples have cracks in them that are unable to heal because of constantly nursing. After getting a horrific flu bug last week, I took my son to have his weight checked and he had only gained 2oz’s in the past week and the doctor became worried and wanted me to supplement. Instead of me worring if he’s getting enough, torturing myself with nipple pain, and feeding every 1.5 hours, I have decided to switch to formula. It was a hard decision and I feel like I’m doing it in my best interest and not my son’s, but I can’t believe how much happier I am already. I enjoy feeding time now. I’m much more relaxed and can concentrate on bonding with with him versus despising the horrific pain. I’m so glad I saw this and everyone’s comments. It just reiterates the fact that I made a decision that will benefit the both of us.
It helps to know that I am not alone….my daughter now 4 refused to even try my breast. I was hoping and praying my 2nd one would bf well. he latched, my nipples were sore the day he was born. I assumed its all the tiredness. i nursed for 1 week every 15 minutes. he would suck real hard, within a week, my nipples were cracked and bleeding. my 4 year old saw me weep in silence. i would hunch over at night and howl in pain – feverish pain. i despised going to lactation consultants. one night my hubby and i decided formula. he sucked it all in a matter of minutes and slept well.
i stil read about relactating, i was formula fed and so was my daughter. all the moms here….we are not alone, its a hard decision a very hard one but like someone posted here, a happy baby and mom is key to a healthy baby and mom esp when there are siblings to be taken care of…
thank you so much……and i pray that we have the strength to believe whats best for our babies!
I am in the same boat ladies! I successfully breastfed my daughter for 1 year (who is now nearly 7yoa) and was really looking forward to breastfeeding my now 6 week old son.
It didn’t really work out like I’d planned…I had a fabulous supply, baby was gaining 8oz per week and LOVED nursing! That was actually the problem, my husband went offshore to work when babe was 4 weeks and I struggled just to get my daughter to school every day as my little one would scream if I took him off the breast – we would arrive late then I would rush home in a sweat worrying that he was starving and sit with him on my breast more or less until it was time to collect her! I missed lunch regularly (not out of choice but out of time) and babe would suckle so much he would proceed to vomit then want to startbthe feeding process again….they say you cannot overfeed a bf babe…
it all came to a head when my son was 5 weeks and 2 days – my gorgeous daughter asked when she would start to get as many cuddles again :0(
I was exhausted and sat and cried when my husband rang one evening. I knew I was putting on a happy face when in fact I was
beginning to dread feeding. I also felt luke I was spiralling into a depression so made the extremely difficult decision to ff.
The guilt I felt was enormous. I felt selfish and went back and forth as to whether to relactate or not…
My son is a day off 7 weeks now and I exclusively formula feed. He is much more contented and I sm having 4 hour blocks in the night! I’m off to the cinema for a girly afternoon with my daughter next week and she is so excited bless her :0) both children AND their mummy are now much happier and although the guilt is somewhat still residing I pacify myself with the knowledge that my little family is a much calmer one since I made my decision x
What a relief it is to hear from other women who feel they would like to reclaim their bodies. I have been pumping for my son for the past 2 1/2 months, and go back and forth on whether or not to continue. I have terrible acne due to the hormones going through my body, as well as sore, sensitive breasts most of the time. I have a 6 year old who plays hockey and requires much of my attention as well, however I have been tied to the pump. I am slowly stopping pumping (trying to do it as painlessly as possible!). I love that there are support for women who choose to stop nursing. We all know that breast is best, so telling us over and over when we mention quitting is not helping! Instead, people need to say that a happy mom is a happy baby.
Thank you for this website. This has been a trying time and I am going to be switching to formula. I have been having a difficult time getting my son to latch and actually pushing himself away and I was getting to the point where I was starting to resent the whole idea of been a mom. This is such a precious time in life, and making more stressful by trying to attempt to breast feed just takes away from the most precious thing in life.
Thank you so much for this. My baby is a month old and also #4 in 5 years. She is the first one that I am breastfeeding, and the feeding goes good, I do enjoy it when nobody is around, but with a bunch of little ones running around that is not often, and they get into everything when I am busy with her. So that is my reason for quitting. All the other kids where formula babies after one week, and they are all really healthy, happy kids!
This sounds exactly like me! Rustling breast pads are a passion killer!Breast feeding is very time consuming and I do applaud any woman who has the patience to stick it out. Aslong as baby is ged and loved that’s all that matters. Its true people,especially midwifes try to guilt trip you into breast feeding. My reasons are quite selfish in that it takes too much time and I’m sick of wearing frumpy bras and I miss just having a glass of wine when I feel like it,and breaat pumps make me feel so ridiculous,like a cow getting milked. But I love my child and it will always have my unconditional love and support,and that’s all that matters!
Ladies, these are very helpful posts. I have a 2 week old who was 9 days early, I had no milk and it seemed the colostrum wasn’t coming quickly enough for the lactation nurses so they had me start pumping in the hospital. I noticed it made me feel nauseous. I didn’t think anything of it as I had just had an emergency c-section, figured it was a combination of the pain pills, lack of sleep and the horrible food. Now that I am home I have been breast feeding and pumping because she hadn’t gained back her birth weight by her first doctors appointment and we needed to make sure that she was getting enough food. The nauseous feeling gets worse every time I pump. I am missing meals because I just can’t eat. I know this isn’t good for either me or my daughter. My decision to formula feed came out of the need to make sure that she gets what she needs and that I bond with her. My feelings of guilt are getting less and less the more I read from great moms like all of you. I understand this push towards breast feeding but to make a new mom, who is already going through a very emotional and hormonal time feel bad about deciding to formula feed, when there plenty of normal happy people who were formula fed as infants, is close to abuse.
As many people have said- thank you for posting this article. It is crazy that there’s tons of support for breastfeeding moms but virtually nothing for women who want/need to stop breast feeding. I have a 3 week old baby girl and I plan to breastfeed for a little while longer but I’ll be going back to work full time in 5 weeks and I know it will be a lot harder since I’ll have to pump at work. I struggled with breastfeeding at the hospital since I didn’t even seem to be producing colostrum. I did have to supplement with formula for awhile and had to use that awful nipple shield. Now she’s latching on just fine but it is a LOT of work! I never get a break- it feels like I’m constantly feeding her and I never get to sleep more than 3-4hrs at a time. I want to stop but I’m almost afraid to because I have a couple of friends (one in particular) who are all gung-ho about breastfeeding. The one friend who is especially into it, is constantly asking me how it’s going, and I just really don’t want her or other people jumping down my throat when I say I’m done breastfeeding! I don’t like when people shove this in your face as the only way to care for your child- I don’t know what the big deal is anyway because it’s not like we can all breastfeed our child forever! You gotta stop sometime!
My goal is to make it 3 months… then start the weaning process. I’m not even sure if I can make it that long!! My breasts hurt, my nipples hurt and I’m so tired! My husband has bottle fed her with some expressed milk I had and I think he enjoys getting to share in that moment- he talks to her and rocks her while he’s feeding her and I find that I don’t really interact when I’m breast feeding… I know I should be but, as others have said, it just feels like such a chore to constantly make sure my “kitchen” is open!
My brothers and I were not breastfed- we all grew up healthy, all went to college and have decent jobs- I agree that ‘breast is best’ for the most part but I really don’t think that my daughter will need therapy because I could only breastfeed her for so long!!
Thanks again!
Just have to say…I posted awhile ago (when I made the decision to quit bf). My daughter is now 1 yrs old and has never been sick a day in her life. Not even when my husband and I were both sick and could’ve given it to her. My nephew, however, who is breastfed has been sick several times already and is only 6 months. BFing in my opinion isn’t necessarily the only factor in a child’s health and well-being. I will be forever proud of my choice for my daughter (and myself. :D)
This whole thread of replies should be given to all mum’s that give birth. My little baby boy is 5 weeks old and I went through sore nipples, thrush,a cluster of 6 blisters on my nipple, cracked nipple and then thrush again. I already have a daughter who is 3 and a half and breast fed till 12mths. I have gone cold turkey three days ago as crying everytime I fed him and being tired and stressed and in pain was sending me crazy. My boobs are in pain due to cold turkey but hoping they come good soon. When we started formula feeding three days ago he happily took the bottle much to my surprise and is happy now to lay on his activity mat and watch the world go by. Sitting on his own was not an option while breast feeding he would cry and cry. I was until yesterday crying everytime he was bottle fed as I felt guilty and that I was a failure as a mum – I was now crying for purely emotional reasons. LASt night I did not cry while he was being bottle fed and have only cried today because my boobies are so full and just the once. When you have a baby not only do u have sore nipples but u are generally recovering from labour, have back pain from moving joints, feel like the size of a house still, hoping that stitches will dissolve fast and that the bleeding you get from childbirth will be over soon this coupled with feeding for hours out of the day and lack of sleep and looking after other siblings and keeping the house in some reasonable state and food on the table is HARD!!!
THis website has been a god send – wish I had read it three days ago as I have felt terrible. THankyou all so much for helping me to feel good about my decision my sister in law breast fed both her kids to the age of 4 yep I know its a long time but apart from this website she gave the best advice which is HAPPY MUM = HAPPY HOME! I really struggled with the decision to stop but I did it because my husband had a month off work and was retuning to work in 5 days and there is no way I could get through each feed without him here to support me, plus my three yr old watching me cry all day from feeding was not healthy. I am still in the early stages of swapping to a bottle and would love to put him back on my boob to relieve the pressure on them from cold turkey but my head knows that for me to function that bottle feeding is the best option.
To any other mum’s out there swapping over to a bottle the first few days are hard emotionally u will feel guilty and u will want to put them back on but its ur choice and u should not feel guilty or bad because in my lifetime so far this has been the hardest decision I have made nothing else has been so hard or confronting. What I find amusing is that women will happily talk about their birth stories but when it comes to swapping from breast to bottle we are not so forthcoming. Bottle feeding is OK! It is right and to any others reading this whatever ur reasons for swapping to the bottle if it means u are a happier mother then its the right decision. Plus I agree with one of the other comments I now talk to my baby more and love him more I don’t fret about feeding and I look forward to holding him knowing he is not going to hurt me. Good luck to all the mums out there and thankyou to everyone for wriitng on this it has impacted and helped me greatly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hi all thank u very much for all the comments they have been so helpfull, im currently wanting to transfer my one n half week old son to formula as i have sore cracked nipples and am so tired n drained, he feeds so much at night it feel like i never get any sleep or a break from feeding for that matter.. my first son also cracked my nipples and sent me into depression everytime i had to feeed he went on formula at just ten days old and is now a happy healhty 2 yr old lil boy. since it was over two yrs ago since i had him i cant remember a great deal about how painful it was to go coldturky form feeding him and was wanted to know how many of u have gone cold turkey and not used the cabbage leafs, and just survived on some panadol? i brought formula today but havnt given him any yet as im a bit weary on how to do it, i find im to tired ns tressed to get any time with my 2yr old or my partner as it is and im not particually wanting to have to drop a single feed each day and worry bout how many feed and times of day to give him formula, i would much rather jsut start the bottle but after going through a c-sec i have ben through enough pain to deal with for a fair while and am not wanting to be in pain from my breast everyday any advice would be much appricated?
Hi
I have heaps to do tonight so being brief – was just checking my mail and saw the above comment. Cold Turkey was hard and yep boobies were sore but nothing compared to feeding. My sister when all this happened was going thru alot of personal stuff and I didn’t want to bother her but a week after stopping I mentioned and she went cold turkey and said ” sore hard rock boobs is nothing compared to the pain of feeding” so once I heard that it put it into perspective for me. The leaves work as they fit under ur bra and the big leaves fan over the whole breast otherwise if the leaf was too small I would do a mosiac over my chest till it was covered with leaves. I didnt take any pain relief tablets but prob cause I didnt think they would do much. The first three to four days were the worst and after that boobs started to soften up. Its been about 4 weeks or more and baby thriving and I am happy!!!
WEll as happy as u can be with a baby and a 3 yr old lol…. As for the formula my son is a guts and yours sounds like one too (no offence) the tin said 120 ml 6-8 feeds a day well the first feed he gobbled so we gave him another bottle as he was screaming and he drank that too and 30 min later vomited alot. After that we realised we had gave him too much so tried the 120 only but he would cry till he had more so we increased to 180 but still not enough so now he has 240 ml per bottle 6 times per day – yes its heaps more than it says but he is happy and he doesn’t vomit it up so its working. We went to bottle from 5half weeks and he is 9 weeks now maybe 10 and his fine. The hardest part for me with swap to bottle was the emotional side – that did my head in I felt like a failure and that I was the worst mother in the world for not pushing through it but I couldn’t – crying all day in front of my 3yr old and my baby was hurting everyone. I’ve gotta go as baby will be up soon and have to get work clothes for husband ready and other stuff too but u will be ok if u swap to bottle the first week is hard cause of boobs and emotions but then it gets better. Just make sure u really want to swap over as the clinic nurse said to me one ur boobies are milk free its not going to come back. BUT in saying that my boobs even now when I take my bra off u can see little bits of milk have come out during the day and has left watermark but must not be much as I don’t feel it. Anyway gotta go hope this helps if you swap it does get easier just the first three to four days the hardest. U can do it if thats what u choose. LASt bit cause really have to go – dont express too much when cold turkey – I did it for first 3 ish days and then just tried to leave them and have a hot shower in middle of day to squeeze them a bit so not so tight. First time i expressed on auto pump in less than 2min I had 80ish mls in the bottle from one boob so I had heaps of milk once I realised it flies out of me and had so much so fast I would express about 30-40 mls from each side and on 3rd day tried to do 10 -20 only as the more u take out the more u produce so makes sure u express till comfortable. And one last thing I talked to my sister in law who breast fed her two kids to the age of 4 and she simply said to me happy baby = happy mum = happy home!!! AND that one of her friends had problems like I did only on one side and she simply only fed from one side so that is an option if ur interested – one of the websites says our boobs actually work independently from each other so if ots one side that hurts that may be a solution.. Anyway hope it goes well – whatever choice u make is ok dont let pressure from urself or anyone else get to u.
Hi, my baby is nearly 7 months old now and although I had decided to stop breastfeeding by 6 months,I am finding it difficult!! But the past few nights and tonight my son woke up practically every hour to eat and I believe it’s because he isn’t getting enough milk at one go since I’ve started him on solids a couple of months ago, I’ve been trying to formula feed him, pump, etc but he refuses the bottle, although I tried several types of bottles, he drinks water in them but not formula!! I found your post. And answers attributed to it very helpful and least judging of all,,I think tonight is the night I stop breastfeeding, I have been up all night, I’m sick with flu and my baby keeps waking up to eat!! Again,,I keep telling myself:” I tried many ways and didn’t reach anywhere!! others tried feeding him,,pumping etc”,,I have started cold turkey a couple of hours ago,I am following settling techniques and I’m hoping in a few hours he’ll be hungry enough to accept the formula bottle mixed with breastmilk!It’s so hard but has to be done:(
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!!!! These comments have made me feel so much better!
What a fab post – much needed after not being able to find much elsewhere on the net!! My baby girl is 2 1/2 weeks old and was only 5lb when born, not premature but I suffered from pre eclampsia, I have decided today that enough is enough and we are switching to go fully on formula! My only concern is how much to give her, have been giving 2-3oz every 3-4hrs?? Does this seem enough, I have seen on some sites that you are meant to give 2 1/2oz per lb of you babies weight?? Thanks so much for this site, I feel less alone and less of a failure!! And even though I am in agony with my breast it will be worth it if it means I can just get some sleep and spend quality time with my baby and partner!!
We all know that breast is best but should all be proud for knowing we tried our best 🙂 xxx
Hi – Not sure what the correct amount is but I swapped to bottle and first two days we gave him 180 ml and he wanted more so we upped it to 240ml. He was 5and a half weeks old when we started the bottle. He is now 12 weeks and still has 240ml each feed – if after a few feeds your little one cries as soon as bottle over try giving a little more just not too much. First bottle we gave our baby he carried on so we made up another bottle and he drank it all. 30min later he chucked it all up on me so we learnt the hard way. Hope it all goes well for you.
Just to update my little one is just over 4 weeks now and she is almost 7lb have been formula feeding for 2 weeks and we are both doing really well!! Let’s stop being so tough on ourselves and begin enjoying a little more sleep and pain free nipples :)!! Good luck to you all!!
thank you so much!! my daughter, Dakota, is 2 weeks and I have had a very difficult time breastfeeding and I started weaning her and she’s doing very well and I like it better… although I get chastised about it, it is better for me and my baby… Dakota is healthy and gaining weight! thanks for the post!
Thank you!
I know this was an older post but it was SOOO helpful! I’m 2 months in and I have really been doing everything within my power to exclusively breastfeed- much of which you touched upon: time consumed days, 3 hours of sleep at night, sore and cracked nipples (everyday for 2 months I was taking ibprofin for the pain of my nipples!) -and yes he was latched “perfectly” as stated by 3 different lactation specialists! By mid day my output didn’t seem sufficient for my little guy- he was extremely fussy because he was never full and his latches would then begin to hurt as he tried to get everything he could out of my breasts. I know the more you nurse, the more you produce so I would nurse and pump and nurse- but it’s just not that easy when you are in these shoes all the while trying to “enjoy these moments” that you’ll never get back. So, in an effort to enjoy my time with my baby I knew something had to change but repeated info on the web, brought on guilt with placing a baby on formula, until I ran across this which was very supportive and nice to hear that many ladies are/were in the same predicament- and we all love our babies just as much as the mom who does and can breastfeed.
my baby is 10 days old and i am having such a hard time switching him to botle. I’m even willing to keep pumping a while longer and still feel sooo extremely guilty. My nipples are soo sore, I’m crying at feedings now and i just can’t take it. I breatfeed both my other 2 children for 3 months each and that makes me feel even more guilty for wanting to stop already with this one. My biggest guilt is feeling like im cheating him out of “comfort time” on the breast. My other 2 children who are 5 and 10 are so sad seeing me cry every day and my husband keeps reassuring me that my bond with my baby will be just the same, i just wish this wasn’t so difficult. I put him on a bottle of breastmilk this morning and right now when he gets up I’m not sure what to do. Why is this soo hard?
Thank you so much!!! I looked at my 7 week old yesterday and realized that not failing her was more important than feeling like a failure at breastfeeding! Her first 2 months of life were tortuous. My mom even said she’d never seen a baby so fussy. I knew she was latched on well but she still wanted to nurse often (ouch! sore, cracked nipples and I swear I have a yeast infection now!). I was never convinced that she was getting what she needed (the whole “supply and demand” thing doesn’t make sense if there are so many mothers out there with either an overproduction or underproduction of milk). She’s been diagnosed with reflux and I cut dairy out of my diet.
Now, she’s on formula and sleeps well (I do still breastfeed during the nighttime). Last night, she slept for 6 hours straight (and so did I!).
I had the help of my sister, who wants to be a lactation consultant and breastfed her babies for 1 year and 9 months so I knew I was doing everything right. I feel inadequate but it’s so good to know I’m not alone! I just felt I must’ve been doing something wrong if my nipples hurt so much all the time and my baby was so fussy.
Thank you so much for posting this and for all of everyone’s comments.
i am so glad I found this article. every reason you stated are were I am today. I am 42 just had my fourth child. my other three are 18, 17 and 12… I nursed them all my 12 year old for 10 monhs. i was also an at home momn at that time..I am flat out exhausted, not sure if it’s age or the fact that my new born nurses every 2 hours around the clock. my breast are sore and yes she’s latching great. I cant se myself going back to work in 2 weeks exhausted like this and so sore. I also can’t seem to get ride of this feeling of gilt if I stop nursing her. any advise?
Same as you all, I am so grateful to have found this site and read all of your experiences. I had such a hard time breastfeeding in the beginning. I too cried during feedings, which was all the time. I was absolutely determined to feed my baby the absolute best, but feeding her was like torture. I saw a couple different lactation consultants but ultimately I ended up pumping and feeding exclusively breast milk for the first four months. It was exhausting!!!! I tried switching her back to the breast, but she wouldn’t have anything to do with it. Between pumping and feeding, there was very little time to actually enjoy my baby girl!! She is now 6 months and we have been feeding 1/2 breastmilk and 1/2 formula for the last 2 months, which requires me to pump 3 times day. All of you comments have encouraged me to give up this silly charade and finally enjoy my baby girl. I felt guilty just giving her 1/2 formula, but after I did, it didn’t seem as bad as I had made it out to be. I love the comment someone made that LOVE is the most important thing you can give your baby. All we can do is our best, and what our babies eat is just a very small factor influencing their development. I hope this page may help to comfort many other mothers who are struggling and feeling like failures for not being able to breastfeed.
Thank you all so, so much! My son is & weeks old and it has been a fight from day one. I’m a young mom, so i am already judged from the start; so, i was determined to prove that i was a good mom by breastfeeding Liam. However, a solid month of nipple shields, fussy feedings, and TWO cases of thrush made me dread the thought of the next feeding. We were supplimenting Liam with two to four ounces of formula after every feeding, due to him gaining weight very slowly. It didn’t take long for him to start favoring the bottle (even at the lowest flow possible) and resent breastfeeding. I hate the fight that it takes to get him to latch on and it breaks my heart seeing him so upset. I began to start having depression and weight loss from the stress of the whole ordeal. I would tell myself at least once a week “this is my last week of breastfeeding”, but then he would have such a good day that it would make me doubt myself. I loved the bonding of breastfeeding, but now i know that it is proving to be both unhealthy for me and the baby. Thank you all so much; your posts have given me the reassurence that I did the best i can and that i’m not a bad mother because i can’t breastfeed.
Thank you so much for this blog, I felt like I was reading my own personal experience…I’m so happy I came across it, having just decided yesterday that I couldn’t go on breastfeeding anymore due to the time factor (i already have a toddler that needs looking after too, which seems impossible since I felt like I was sitting on the couch all day nursing!) the sore nipples and breasts (I too believe that my son was latching on properly as confirmed by visiting home nurses)and for me, it just didn’t feel like it came naturally – i dreaded getting caught out in public, having to feed him outside of the house, with leaking boobs and all!Your honesty has made me realise I’m not alone in this! Much love 🙂
Here is a word of encouragement for mothers who want to continue to breastfeed but think that they can’t: You can do it even when you think you can’t go on.
I knew from the moment I was pregnant that I would breastfeed my son for as long as I could. I had no idea how difficult it would be but I kept telling myself that if I could just do it for three months then I would be okay with my effort. Three months rolled around and I told myself if I can just do it for another three months then things would be okay. I persevered. I had sore nipples, I constantly worried about my baby having enough to eat, I often felt like a milk cow, I had to deal with constant feedings and rarely being able to leave the house, etc, etc. I became either attached to my son or the brnastpump. I had to schedule my work and life around feedings or pumpimgs. At four months old we found out that our son had food allergies: dairy, wheat, eggs, and nuts. If I were to continue breastfeeding that would mean that I would not be able to eat any of those food items. I decided to go for it and made it to the 6 month goal. It was hell but I made it. At 6 months I decided to go for 12 months and I did it. At 13 months I have finally quit breast feeding. I had my first slice of cheese pizza in 9 months tonight. It was okay… I had dreamed of cheese and bread for several months but when I finally got it it was bit anti-climatic. I still regret quitting but I know that I gave it my all. My point is that breastfeeding is not easy but it is so worth it in the end. My kid began to get more colds when I began to supplement his breastmilk at 11 months. Again breastfeeding is not easy but it can be done with some sacrifices. You just need to commit.
what a relief in findin this site. Am at my wits end! All i seem to get is peoples advice and support for continuing breast feeding most of whom have never bf so do not understand the pain, stress, guilt, exhaustion that goes with it and that list could go on! Anyway tried the weaning process and was doing well, 2 weeks in had substituted two daily feeds for formula successfully then things turned very sour. Baby decided to refuse formula and even expressed milk. Was advised to go cold turkey as baby would eventually feed when she was hungry. So i tried and baby refused to feed from a bottle for ten hours. She did not totally starve and took maybe an ounce on a few feeds. But for the whole duration cried sore as did i. In the end i gave in now am back to square one exclusively bf. All the enjoyment has gone out of bf and i feel depressed with being stuck at home all day not even having time to enjoy a bath as little one still deeds every two hours. My baby is now 12 weeks and already i am panicking about my return to work. A big thank you to everyone who has posted here it has been a great help and comfort to me
I sincerly believe every mum can nurse as long as she wants to. At first, nursing my newborn ws difficult, bt i understood it was all the difficulties that comes with been a mum.breast milk is the best for our babies and infant formula try to fill that space, but doesnt do that completely. My baby is now 4months old and am stil breastfeeding exclusively. I pump and give her nanny who feeds it to her when am not around. And am very happy doing this because my baby looks veri fresh and robust. Shes gainin weight by the minute. Its comes with sore nipples and all the likes, bt i tell you! It gradualiy goes away. Mothers please try more.
Every mom can *NOT* nurse as long as she wants. Luckily, our children will still be strong and healthy.
I’m glad it worked well for you.
Hi – you have obviously not read the comments that everyone has posted in response to Stormy Corners decision to stop breastfeeding. You are very lucky to have a Nanny not sure if its a Nanny as in Grandmother or someone you pay to assist in the care of your child. Just think before you say things, my first child it took 5 and a half months for sore nipples to go away, my second child life was just crazy I cried all the time and was in horrible pain. Mothers have the right to choose how they look after their children, how dare you openly criticise those of us that stop breast feeding. Oh how I wish it had only been sore nipples. I was so angry reading your comment and was all set to let fly but you are just another silly mother who thinks she has the right to judge other mothers because you can do something some of us cannot. I started this reply to your comment trying to justify why I made my choice and you know what I don’t have to justify my choices as a parent to anyone. It was the right choice for me and that is what matters. This article by Stormy Corner and all the related comments got me through what I can honestly say was close to the lowest point in my life. How dare you try to make it seem like the decision was made without regard to what is best for our children. Silly Silly person you are for being so narrow minded I certainly hope when you come to a hurdle in the role of mothering your child and need to make a decision that rips you apart inside and no one can fix for you that someone like you is not on the sidelines judging you, for what is right for you.
You are perfectly right, Angela.
Ibiso’children will not be healthier than yours. She simply naïvely believed LLL’scrap. Lots of people do.
B Milk is not a bad thing, but it does not, in any way, has the power to impact a child’s health.
IQ, allergies, interpersonal skills…crap crap crap..
How could people believe that? Simpletons.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/
So please Angela, do not loose your precious time being upset with Ibiso…she does not know any better…
Sorry, mistake….I meant “it does not HAVE the power to impact a child’s health.”
(not my mother tongue..)
Im about to be a mom in about 6 weeks and i dont know how long i want to breast feed alot of the older generation has told me to do it for a year, but my friends that have children say its pretty hard and they only did it for some odd weeks befor switching over, i just wanted to say your post has given me a little more confidence in knowing that it is my desicion and if i dont like it i can stop, cuz all i hear about is how im GOING to breast feed and how good it is. But ive never heard any one say, ITS OK TO STOP! So thank you!! 🙂
This post was very helpful…my daughter is now 6 wks old and I am considering stopping breastfeeding. This has been a very hard decision for me, as I (like everyone else) continually hear about how good breastfeeding is for your child, blah blah blah. It is good to hear other’s decisions about stopping. I have truly given nursing my wholehearted effort, but it’s getting silly. I do not make enough milk…after consulting with numerous lactation consultants, my pediatrician, and my OB/GYN, I am still only able to make a couple of ounces at a feed and my daughter obviously needs much more than that. Add the making of formula, the cleaning of bottles and pump parts to the already very time-consuming process of breastfeeding, and I have not been able to really enjoy my daughter for trying to keep up with her feeds. I hesitate to stop breastfeeding for emotional reasons…including feeling like a failure. I talked with my husband about my decision and really needing someone to tell me “it’s okay to stop”, so thank you to all for posting it publicly on the internet, that yes it IS okay to stop.
“Breastfeeding is supposed to help kids’ immunity and decrease their long term odds of obesity. Those are the two I worried about the most.”
This was NEVER seriously scientifically proved.
So it might be that you did breastfeed for NOTHING.
LLL is a lobby. The so-called benefits of BF have been largely overrated.
No antibodies pass from mother to baby’s blood through breasfeeding. We differ from animals at that point of view. The antibodies can only act locally, in the digestive system. The only proven BF added value is a slight protection against gastroenteritis. See Kramer study on 17000 babies. Kramer consider BF as a positive thing, but clearly states that the former studies mentionned by LLL were biaised.
It is sad that so many women suffer or experience guiltiness because of LIES.
I am a mother of 3 children, all of which I breastfed and one that I am still to this day. When I became pregnant at the young age of 17 with my first child I knew that I wanted to be the best mother I could be and had decided while pregnant to have natural child birth and to breastfeed, although that went against how I was taught…My mother was taught by her mother to bind the breast after delivery and that during childbirth drugs were the way to go! LOL But I knew that was not for me. My Natural delivery was in a hospital setting but the nurses and doctors at the S.F. Hospital were very pro-natural childbirth and it went awesome, was a great first experience 🙂 But after I had my son, I did not have much help with BF, sure the nurse came one time to help me out but I needed help all the time! I thought the pain would NEVER go away…I nursed my son for a month and a 1/2, just as he was really getting the hang of it (I had one joyful painless breastfeeding moment I’ll never forget) then I gave him a bottle so I could have a datenight with his dad and from then on he’d rather have the bottle. I gave in too easy:( I waited ten years to have another child, this time more mature, married, and more educated…I read books about the Bradley Method and really KNEW what I wanted with this Delivery and was determined to BF, took an Awesome class on NCB and BF…And that’s exactly what I did. I had my 2nd son at a Birthing Center Completely Natural, Best Experience Ever! The Mid Wife and Doula were awesome with helping me get started and also my sister-in-law was very helpful as well! It helps to have a Good Support System. A Pump is a Must especially starting out so you don’t get engorged, nipple cups and lanolin help greatly. If one was more sore than the other I would pump the sore one and only nurse on the good side until I could switch…I just really stuck it out because I KNEW that’s what I wanted to do. I chose this Not Only because of the Supposed Benefits which are great BUT because I knew I wanted to be a Stay@Home mom, it was also the more Cost Efficient thing to do, and MOSTLY because I wanted to Experience the Personal Bond that I’ve heard is so amazing…Which Amazing is not even the right word, it’s priceless, overwhelming, something no one else can experience But YOU and YOUR BABY…I think what I love most are the EYES that look up at you, it’s different than when you feed a bottle, those EYES are Just for MOM :)) My little man weened himself when he was 18months and I was ok with it, a little sad, but he was ok so I was ok….Now with my Last Baby, who was our surprise little girl I thought I’d never have, she just turned Two Yesterday, and let me tell you, she Still Loves the Boobies! And because she’s my Baby and my Last I am having a Difficult time giving it up myself. She is a very smart, independent little girl, growing fast, starting to talk, and yet when she wants to nurse she is a just a baby to me. It’s funny because I used to think it would be Crazy to nurse this long before and Never thought I would and Even looked down on Someone I know for nursing her son til he was 2+…but now that my lil girl is Already 2years Old!! I am ashamed of myself for ever judging someone else because now I understand why…of course I only feed her in the Privacy of our own home but when I admit to friends that I AM still nursing her, I see the look of Judgement on their faces, like WHY?? They try to understand BUT I know they don’t…This is why I looked up this discussion today because I am having such a hard time with the thought that I might actually have to pick a Day. The Day I say No More, or have that LAST Feeding, the last time I will breast feed one of my precious babies for the REST of my LIFE…will it be the perfect moment? It makes me sad. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t mind having my boobs back to myself and of course my Husband wouldn’t mind them back either, Thank God for his patience. I just wish she was like my 2nd Son and just ween herself! I didn’t even know our last feeding was our last feeding, it was on a camping trip when I put him to bed in our tent, and the next morning he never asked for it again…Simple…this time not so simple…well that’s my story….I guess I should have just started my own Blog, not much of a comment really. LOL
Not really sure why you have written this here. It is clearly a blog post to help women who are wanting to stop breastfeeding and you have gone and written an essay about how you breast fed your kids until they are talking. It’s a little insensitive. Also it sounds like your still doing it just as much for your kids as for yourself. Are you afraid of her having a close bond with someone other than you? Talk about clingy mother. Yes I agree that it is probably healthier to drink breast milk than formula in the physical sense but ultimately the most important thing is that mum is happy doing it as she is the (usually) the main caregiver. If mum is happy and relaxed, baby will more likely be too. Ideally everyone would breastfeeding for at least a few months but not everyone has an easy ride or feels able to cope with how hard it is in the early days. There is no way of measuring how difficult someone has found it in comparison to someone else so I’d say go as far as you can and don’t ever feel guilty for stopping. I am breast feeding at the moment, she is only 2 weeks. But I am finding it really hard and not enjoying it at all. I was having to express all my feeds for a few days as my nipples were bleeding and bits coming off. Feeding her with a bottle felt just as nurturing and bond creating as did feeding from the breast. Plus it meant dad could be more hands on and it was lovely watching him feed her. I think I will try for 3 months, but if I can’t make that I won’t beat myself up about it. Me and my four sisters were only breast fed for a couple weeks and we are all very healthy, far from obese and are very close to our mum. So LLL and self righteous bfing mothers can do one.
My first child is 5 now, and I only breastfed her for 2.5 weeks. I felt guilty for years for not trying harder. she was a difficult baby, we were exhausted with hardly any sleep, and I couldnt get her to latch properly. We made 5 visits to a breast feeding clinic, too! I enjoyed feeding her bottles, and hubby could help too. My new baby is 5 months old, and I am successfully breastfeeding her. I almost gave up a few times in the beginning. My nipples were sooooo sore and bleeding. The paediatrician gave me cream called betaderm 0.5% Ung:Mupirocin Ung,2%miconazole, ibuprofen nipple cream 1:1. Thats what the RX jar says. It totally saved me! Safe for baby, and put it on after each feed until you are better. Took no time at all! I am conflicted with when to stop. The bonding has been incredible! I bonded with the bottle with my other child too, of course, but it is different. She won`t take breastmilk in a bottle or formula, so I can never be apart from her even for an hour, which makes it hard sometimes. I will be returning to work in 5 months, so I don`t know when to start. I know she won`t suffer if I stop, but its my emotions that I`m struggling with. Its nice to know that I`m not alone in my emotional struggle . I didn`t have this experience before, and not really ready to give it up. If sore nipples is your struggle, please try the cream. It is awesome!
Thank you so much for writting this. My baby is turning one month old this week and I am so done with breastfeeding. I hate the way it feels and the mess it makes, I have to use a shield because I have flat nipples. We are an on the go family and I refuse to nurse in public, I am just not comfortable with it. And we have four other children ages 1-6 so having to sit for 30 minutes and feed one is just not an option with other small children running around. But every where I looked for help all I got was “keep trying” or “why won’t you keep it up” So thank you for making me feel not alone in my decision
Agreed. Everyone has their opinions, but are they in pain daily with sore nipples, engorged breasts, a limited diet, exhausted, and uncomfortable never getting a break from the bra and breast pads? If they aren’t then their opinions don’t matter to me.
i agree completely…just stopped breast feeding my 5 wk old and he seems Happier..now more time for him, his big sister, my budgets r and everyone else including me. my boobs are starting to feel better already and my house is cleaner, I’m much happier. i liked it at first
Thank you for your post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just stopped breastfeeding at three months. I used both formula and breastmilk. I never made enough milk, and felt like a failure. The hardest part is knowing that I won’t be able to look down at that sweet connection the same again. It tears me up, but I know that moving on is the right thing. Society has added a TON of guilt to my decision.
Great post.
I think every mother and child should breastfeed as long as they feel comfortable and there’s nothing wrong if they can’t 🙂 I’m eighteen and so many people I’ve spoken to are shocked that I’ve been able to breastfeed for as long as I have, my daughters now 14 months, and ive had mix views on me still breastfeeding her, but the way I see it, is that every baby and familys different, you do what you feel is right for your child and your family 🙂 Im so glad I found this page tho, because I know I’m gonna have to stop at somestage, and I’m glad I have the info about what happens alothough my wee one doesn’t seem to ever want to stop at this point
I initially only wanted to BF until my son was 6 months old, and I would be done. I BFed solely for 2 months, but still pumped until he was about 9 months. I am finally weaning him now at 20 months. He is on a summer vacation with my family, avoiding the scorching heat we are having back home. I heard a good weaning method is separation. I know not everyone is fortunate enough to get that break, but the downside for me is my family lives 10 hours away. I dont get that daily or weekly dropping off with grandma. So its even.
Its been a week. I also wanted to know about what is happening to me & my body
I have a pre-existing mental condition which requires that I go back on the medication that I had to discontinue during the pregnancy and initial breast feeding period ( my son is now 10 weeks old). I have been told by my psychiatrist, my OB, and my pediatrician that the benefits of having a mother in a good mental condition far outweigh the benefits of breast feeding. But I am still struggling with the decision to stop. I feel that I not only have to convince myself of this, but also my husband, and even society for the requisite guilt that they bestow on mothers who are capable of BF but choose not to.
I have a pre-existing mental condition which requires that I go back on the medication that I had to discontinue during the pregnancy and initial breast feeding period ( my son is now 10 weeks old). I have been told by my psychiatrist, my OB, and my pediatrician that the benefits of having a mother in a good mental condition far outweigh the benefits of breast feeding. But I am still struggling with the decision to stop. I feel that I not only have to convince myself of this, but also my husband, and even society for the requisite guilt that they bestow on mothers who are capable of BF but choose not to.
Thank you so much for this article. You along with everyone else is right, society puts so much pressure on mothers to breast feed now. The nurses at the hospital push it, doctors and family members and friends even push for it. I have noticed that the mothering community, while at most times is very supportive, is also very judgemental. I have a 2 month old, and whenever i start talking to another mother with a younger child one of the first things they ask me is, “are you breastfeeding?”. And if I say no I know they are going to judge me. By the way, I have been combining nursing and formula feeding since my daughter has been born. I, like so many of you, just simply cannot stand nursing. I feel like i want to jump out of my skin the second I start pumping, and I am on the go and on the move all the time and find it extremely time consuming. So i have taken to just nursing at night and in the mornings, and giving her bottles of formula during the day, but I am ready to cut out my morning and night feedings too as I think my supply is starting to go away. I feel extremely guilty about the way i feel towards this as i planned on doing it a year, however i am so much happier when i give her a bottle. And at the end of the day, i think a happy mom equals a happy baby. I know I am an amazing mother in every other aspect, but the guilt thing is still really hard to get over.
Thank you so much for your post. My baby is preemie, 6 weeks early and I have been doing a combination of breastfeeding and pumping/bottle feeding as she was not strong enough initially to take all feedings at the breast. I plan on quitting when she’s either 2 or 3 months (haven’t decided yet). I feel like a terrible mother for saying that I don’t enjoy it, but I just don’t. I do enjoy the time with her when breastfeeding, but I’m always concerned if she’s getting enough. And I enjoy the time when giving her a bottle just as much. I also hate pumping. I spending so much time during the day, feeding and pumping that I feel like I’m not enjoying her. I am also an on the go type person and feel chained to the house (because I refuse to breastfeed in public) and this is making me unhappy and creating a lot of anxiety. I think in the end a happy mom is going to benefit my baby more than breastmilk. I just have to get over the judgment that society lays on you for not breastfeeding. The way I look at it at least I tried it for awhile.
I am so glad to hear this! I’ve bf for 7 weeks now and I am ready to quit. I’ve bought some formula and am weaning him at a comfortable pace without engorging. The thing is, he doesn’t care one way or another….I’m the one in turmoil. I had gestational diabetes will carrying him making it a high risk pregnancy. I felt like my body was not my own because I was on such a strict diet. With bf it’s still isn’t my own. So I quit! You can too! Be released from this crazy notion that you’re a failure. You are an excellent mother who adores your child and makes sacrifices for them everyday. You don’t have to explain or be on a guilt trip. You tried it and did it successfully because ANY amount of BF is beneficial. So from one mother to another, I empower you to QUIT if you want to!
Thank you for this post. I am planning on stopping Breastfeeding after 6 weeks ( 2 weeks to go). I was feeling pretty guilty about like I was being selfish for wanting to stop but reading ur post has made me feel better. It’s hard to bf when u have three other little kids running around who one still wears diapers. You end up feeling rushed when you are feeding bc your other kids are hungery or need something or just getting into something. So thank you for your post
I am also in distress ab this, i have had issues with supply since day 1. I take prenatal, magnesium, calcium 3x a day and 6 fenugreek a day. I cannot build a supply, i have had to mix formula and BM since my son was 3 weeks. He is 7 weeks now and refuses to nurse anymore. Pumping makes me feel so nauseous and i hate it but i feel SO guilty about quitting. I cry about it every day and when i decide “today is the last day” i feel like my son is going to be less healthy and so i stress through another day. I wish i could find peace.
So glad I found this post. Thank you to everyone who has said ignore the feeling of guilt. I’ve cried so much over bf problems, such as latching on or not having enough milk. You do get judged, the health visitor was the worst, she looked disgusted when I mentioned I was combination feeding ans not exclusive bf. I was so stressed over the whole ordeal that I had literally no appetite and therefore wasn’t making enough for my baby, which made me more stressed in turn. I can happily say I have stopped bf about 2 days ago and my 4 week old baby is so much happier now, she must of sensed my stress. My friend is expecting next week, so shes lucky that I’ve been through it all to share my ups and downs! Obviously I still feel guilty about quitting as I searched for this post, but I’m sure its something that will get better with time. I hope every post on this page has a positive impact on someone’s feelings like it has done for me. Xxx
Thank you so much for the post! Every word therein reflects what i have been through so far. I am do glad to know i am not a demon of a mom to stop breastfeeding my 3 month old. The breatfeeding issue has been gnawing at my mind eversince DD was born. Due to botched episiotomy i couldnt nurse the baby so had to resort to pumping milk, which in turn takes up so much of my time and energy. I tried diff pumps to make the whole process smoother but to no avail. I checked with all the new mums i knew to see if there was anyone who like me was mixed feeding and/or was considering giving up bf. To no avail – all the replies i got were about what i can do to continue breastfeding. I even looked for reassurance on the internet in inlune forums but 8 out if 10 comments in forums were about how and why not to give up BF as if it is a crime to stop it.
You cannot imagine how liberated i have felt eversince i read your post and all the other replies. I havr started dropping the number of times i pump and hope to stop in over the next couple of weeks.
Yes, i will not breatfeed my 3 month old anymore and YES it still
means i am good mum and love my baby!
Cheers
I’m sitting here now expressing and feeling like crap. I didn’t have lunch cos after I fed my one month old a bottle of EBM I put her down and had a sleep myself, now I’m pumping away before getting her up to feed again. At first she wouldn’t latch on but now I feel like maybe I didn’t try hard enough – mother’s guilt of course. So now I feel like expressing is the least I can do for her and I HATE IT. My boobs are sore, it takes up all my time and I’m miserable but of course I’ll feel like a bad mother if I stop….
I had my first child at 22 and didn’t contemplate b/f. It horrified me and I thought I would die of embarrassment doing it front of anyone so my daughter was exclusively bottled fed and grew to be a happy, content, healthy young girl. I then went on to have a little boy when I was 29 and decided with a bit more maturity to try b/f. His dad wanted to be involved in the feeding so we also gave him a bottle of formula at bedtime so Dad could do his bit. He also grew into a happy, content heathy young boy. We now have our 3rd! He is now 7 months old and is exclusively b/f and so far a happy healthy content little boy
My point is I have done b/f, formula fed and both together and all 3 have turned out the same and I am as close to each one regardless of how they were fed. I have am now thinking of stopping feeding my youngest due to the full set of nashers he had sprouted is super quick time. A very good reason to stop I think. I have fought thru mastitis several times, spent countless hours trying to express. B/F isn’t for everyone nor is it easy at times. I am was anti-breastfeeding and am now very pro but it is a very personal choice. Every baby is different as is every parent.
Thank you for this post. The guilt about wanting the throw in the hat with breast feeding for me is not only about depriving my precious daughter of what I know is the best food source for her, but also the mourning of what I thought would be a wonderful bonding process. My daughter is now 4 weeks old and I feel like the problems that I have experienced with b/f: low milk supply, stressing re how much she is getting, time consuming process as I am topping up with formula, have actually hampered my bonding with her. I feel like I am now at a cross roads: If I give up b/f maybe we will bond better because I will be less stressed, but if I give up, thats it I can’t start again. It is reassuring reading all these posts in that I don’t feel so alone in this dilemma anymore. I just wish I could make the decision 🙂
Thank you so much for this post! I’m about to give up breastfeeding due to low supply and a poor latcher (not that the little guy wants anything to do with my boob now – he’s all about the bottle). I second everything regarding the feelings of guilt and formula-feeding being stigmatised. All I would like to add is that it’s a sad sad world where we even ENTERTAIN feelings of guilt and failure because we can’t / don’t wish to breastfeed. Society has (as it does historically) swung too far one way and set up so many women for failure. Most of my generation were formula fed and we are pretty damn awesome if I do say so myself 🙂 Stay strong ladies in whatever path you chose. Happy mummy = happy baby
Also cortisol the stress hormone is realised into breast milk so if you are stressed baby will be too. Is it not better for baby to spend its first months of life not stressed and with a happy mother?
Thank you for your post. My son is 11 months and I’m having a hard time quitting as well. I work and my job is more demanding than ever. It is hard taking 2-3 30 minute sessions out every day. Then when I get home he doesn’t want to feed long so I need to pump. But those times that he does feed, that look in his face is priceless.
No one is pressuring me to keep breastfeeding. I’d say the opposite. People don’t understand the connection and tell me to quit. The thought makes me sad. When my baby has had a rough day or is in a bad mood, breastfeeding him automatically cheers him up, makes him happy or puts him in a better mood.
I wish I could go longer but due to several challenges I’m not producing even half of what he needs anymore. It doesn’t seem worthwhile. I was trying to find something that made me feel better about quitting, but maybe I just need to journal my feelings and read up on some strategies to make him happy in other bonding moments.
Thank GOD for your post and all the comments on here!! I have been EBF my little 7 week old girl and although I love being able to provide her with all the nutrients she needs, I hate that I’m always stressing about whether she’s getting enough, and then having to pump what seems like non stop to make bottles for daddy to have so I can leave the house every once in a while and on top of it all, I feel as though I just can’t keep up with my life since I’ve been off my medication for 7 months now. I got off of my ADD medicine that I had been on for over 10 years as soon as I found out I was pregnant as I didn’t want to cause any possible harm to my miracle baby. I stopped consuming any and all possible things that could harm her and have just recently (the past two weeks) have allowed myself a cup of coffee in the mornings again. I feel so incredibly guilty for even thinking of stopping and switching to formula as I had originally promised myself and her I would EBF for a year of I could. Ive been so fortunate to have a good supply of milk but just don’t feel like myself most days and feel like I can’t even enjoy my little girl because I’m either stressed out about her or in the other room pumping while her daddy spends time with her. Im so unbelievably grateful to see
All these posts by other women who are going or have gone through the same personal dilemma.
I feel the same first first child I panicked after 4 days and formula fed, the guilt made me get post natal depression for failing my daughter, even though she is a happy healthy 3 year old. I decided to give it a go with second one and have battled a fussy wingy child, sore boobs, colic, only expressing 2 ounce an hour when child taking 6 ounce,finally not being able to go anywhere constantly crying. I fear giving up as I feel like I’ve gone so far and no more pain but constantly hungry and unhappy. All my family want me to switch to the bottle as in back at the docs about depression even though my HIV says its def nit the breastfeeding. I fear my 2 month old is starving and why since combine feeding I. Topping him with more formula so my breast milk isn’t good enough. Thanks for your post I hate so much all this judging from others I thought we were individuals no the reaction not to breastfeed or to give up apparently puts you in the same category as endangering your child!
My son is 5 weeks old and he is my first, I didnt have any promblems nursing at all no sore nipples always had lots of milk and baby latched on right away. I am going back to work next week and I dont want to breast feed aymore, but I am feeling so super guilty because im doing it for my convenience. I havent breastfed him since yesterday and it actually seems that he is less gassy and sleeps better with formula. I dont know what to do?
six weeks
Ladies I have battled the same feelings of guilt. My first child which is 9 years old now. I breastfed her for about 3 months. I am in the Army so it was impossible for me to be able to pump for her. 9 years later I am still in the Army but my job is a bit easier. I have breastfed my son for 4 and 1/2 months. I have loved it but when having field duty I would find power and pump in a tent and store my milk on ice for a 3 day week. It is a huge commitment to breast feed and it is hard when you are a full time working mother. I feel any mother that attempts it is doing good for her baby. Some mothers just can’t do it and I hate the feeling of being less of a mother because we can’t breast feed our children. If formula was so bad for our children then why is it being made. I support all you mothers and any amount of time spent breastfeeding is amazing.
Hi ladies first of all reading all yr comments hv made me feelso mich better. For me bf journey has been so tough and mentally exhautsing. I ebf my 1st boy till he is 8 months old only to find out he is allergic to cow milk protein! So he was on soy formulae for a year and recently outgrow his milk allergy at 2 years old. Now i just have a second baby he is 2 week old but im simplily exhausted and stressed out to continue bf however im so damn afraid that he also has a milk allergy like his brother! So my situation is not As simple as stopping bf n giving formulae coz i dun know if he is allergic to it. By the way my elder son has a strong allergic reaction to cow milk he would puke non stop. Does anyone has similar situation as me who can share yr experience?
Thanks everyone for this post. I had twins boys premie(5wks early). It was initially difficult for me to breast feed even with all the help from the hospital. My paediatrician introduced formula for the babies next day after birth and it really help. At home I continued with formulae and express once a day to feed them the rest of the feed is formulae. Not bcuz I didn’t want to breast feed them often but bcuz they weren’t latching properly and the milk flow was limited. It’s been 5wks now and the flow of the milk reduced gradually tht I am considering quitting. I also notice that each time I breast feed them they cry more than thy enjoy it and it feels like it upsets thier stomach as they cry through tout the feeding. I have resolved to stop bcuz of health reasons as I feel like the milk has probably gone sour and taste bad for them. It bothers me a lot as I want to at least try as long as I can.
There does seem to be a lot of pro-BF/anti-formula propaganda out there which serves no purpose other than to make mothers feel guilty.
Babies must be breast-fed because of the “amazing” health benefits we are told. Really? Can you distinguish between a adult who was breast-fed or formula-fed as a child? No, but according to the propaganda they must all be hyper-intelligent, illness-free, slim, non-fussy eaters etc., and the converse must apply to bottle-fed babies.