Your one-on-one meetings with your manager aren’t just another meeting. They’re one of the most powerful tools you have for advancing your career. And here’s the thing that might surprise you: you own those meetings, not your manager.
I know there are a lot of guides out there telling managers how to run better one-on-ones (I’ve even written one myself), but the truth is, as an employee, you have way more control over these meetings than you probably realize. So let’s talk about how you can actually take ownership and make these conversations work for you.
This post also has a video version:
Why One-on-Ones Matter More Than You Think
Think about it—your one-on-ones are where the magic happens. It’s where you make sure your goals actually align with what the organization needs. It’s where you sync up your work with everyone else’s. It’s where your manager finally understands what you’re really working on. And most importantly, it’s where you ensure your hard work gets recognized.
Without effective one-on-ones, you’re basically working in a vacuum, hoping someone notices your contributions. Don’t do that to yourself.
Step One: Prepare (Yes, Really)
I get it—preparation feels like extra work for a pretty informal conversation. But trust me on this one. Create an agenda. Even better, start a shared document that grows each week with your agenda items and meeting notes. This becomes your career documentation over time.
Start your meeting with relationship building.
Especially if you’re working remotely, take a genuine minute to connect as humans. You don’t need to share your deepest secrets—even chatting about the weather or something interesting in the news works. The point is to acknowledge that you’re both people, and establish how you communicate with each other.
The Golden Rule: Problems + Plans
Here’s where most people mess up their one-on-ones: they come with complaints but no solutions. Don’t be that person.
If you’re bringing up a problem (and you should—that’s part of your job), always come with a plan. Maybe your plan involves your manager’s help—perhaps they need to network with one of their peers or reach out to another team. That’s totally fine! Just frame it right.
Instead of: “This project is a disaster and nothing’s working.”
Try: “I’m hitting some roadblocks with this project. Here’s my plan to address them, and I could really use your help connecting with the design team. What do you think?”
You can even present options: “I’ve thought of three ways to tackle this. Which approach do you think would work best?”
What to Actually Share in Your Meetings
Progress updates that matter. Focus on what you accomplished, not just what you worked on. There’s a big difference between “I spent time on the JJ software” and “I fixed 3 bugs in the JJ software and reviewed six pull requests from other team members.”
Decision-making insights. Share the priorities you’ve set and the trade-offs you’ve made. Your manager wants to understand your thought process, especially when you’ve had to make tough choices about what to focus on.
Networking opportunities. If you need introductions or if you’ve heard about work that might interest your manager, speak up. This is one of the most valuable ways they can help you.
Industry news and internal updates. Be your manager’s eyes and ears. If you’ve heard something they should know about—whether it’s internal company news or industry trends—share it. They’ll start doing the same for you.
Team highlights (if you’re a manager as well). Always highlight people doing great work. Did someone give an amazing demo? Finish a challenging feature? Get married? Tell your manager and suggest they reach out. Everyone wins when recognition flows upward.
The Art of Asking for Feedback
Don’t ask “How am I doing?” It’s too vague and puts your manager on the spot.
Instead, get specific: “In yesterday’s review, how do you think I handled the schedule questions? What went well, and what could I do better next time?”
This makes it easy for them to give you actionable feedback in the moment, rather than trying to remember and summarize everything you’ve done lately.
Three Questions to Ask Yourself
Before every one-on-one, run through these:
- Do I need help with anything? Don’t miss your opportunity to get the help you need.
- Will my manager be surprised by anything? If there’s a potential issue brewing—a delayed release, a struggling team member, a client concern—give them a heads up now.
- How can I help my manager? Always end by asking what you can take off their plate.
That last one is crucial. Your manager is juggling a lot, and offering to help makes you look like the collaborative team player you are. (Don’t be surprised if they don’t come up with anything right away, but they will remember you offered when opportunities come up in the future.)
The Follow-Up That Sets You Apart
Here’s what separates the pros from everyone else: follow up in writing. Take those meeting notes, clean them up, answer any outstanding questions, add relevant links, and send it all to your manager.
Whether it’s email, Slack, or your shared document, get those key points in writing. This creates a paper trail of your contributions and shows you’re serious about execution.
Making It All Work for You
Your one-on-ones are happening anyway—you might as well make them count. Use them to share your wins, communicate your strategic thinking, get the help you need, and position yourself as someone who thinks beyond just their immediate tasks.
Remember, you’re not just reporting what happened last week. You’re actively managing your career, building relationships, and ensuring your work has the impact it deserves.
The managers who get promoted, the employees who get recognized, the people who seem to always be in the know—they’re not necessarily smarter or more talented than you. They’re just better at owning their one-on-ones.
So take control of that calendar invite. Come prepared. Bring solutions, not just problems. And always ask how you can help.
Your future self will thank you.