I’m going to post about deciding to stop breast feeding because I couldn’t find hardly anything at all about deciding to stop breastfeeding on the web. As much information as there is on the web, some topics are very hard to find!
I decided to stop breastfeeding after a month and while I was considering it, I searched the web extensively. While there is a ton of extremely helpful information on breastfeeding on the web, it is all centered around solving any problems you might have, not in making a decision one way or the other. (And if it is about making a decision, they spend pages and pages telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child.) There’s also no information about, when you decide to quit, exactly what you are supposed to do. Stop cold turkey? Gradually phase it out? I did find three pages of information on stopping breast feeding:
- Ending breastfeeding. This poor woman had obviously already decided to stop breastfeeding (a hard decision!) and the expert answering her email first questioned why she’d made the decision. The expert did answer her question about how to stop breastfeeding and said to gradually wean the baby by cutting out a feeding every day or two.
- Life After Weaning: Ending the breastfeeding relationship. This was actually the most helpful webpage. It’s an excerpt from a book and actually talks about both the physical and the emotional effects on the mother and the emotional effects on the child. (Note that the emotional effects on the child tend to be largely those that breastfeed for several years. It doesn’t talk about the effects on an infant.)
- ending breastfeeding….what happens? This was a very short discussion between moms about what happens. Like the previous article it suggests weaning slowly and points out that you should never completely drain your breasts if you want your milk to dry up.
Deciding not to breastfeed is a very hard decision because while nobody says it’s wrong not to breastfeed, the minute you become pregnant you are inundated with literature and people telling you how good breastfeeding is for your child and offering all sorts of support. (In particular the hospital staff and nurses were awesome. They were extremely supportive, very helpful and offer all sorts of free services to help and encourage nursing moms.) And when I asked friends and family what they thought everyone was very careful not to say anything one way or the other. Although all offered support either way! And many pointed out that there are plenty of healthy children and adults who were not breastfed.
So why did I decide to quit? It wasn’t health reasons, it wasn’t because I couldn’t nurse Caleb and it wasn’t because Caleb wouldn’t nurse. (Those seem to be the “acceptable” reasons to give for stopping breastfeeding.) I quit for many reasons, although it basically boiled down to the fact that I didn’t like it. Here are the reasons I didn’t like it, pretty much in order of importance to me:
- Time. It was extremely time consuming. During the day Caleb wanted to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours. And he ate for 30 minutes. So that means that 25-30% of my waking day was spent feeding him. That’s a lot of time! And planning around that is very difficult. (And it’s really hard to pump milk so that you can leave him with someone else for an hour or two when you are already nursing all the time. We ended up using formula in those cases and Caleb didn’t seem to mind going back and forth at all.)
- Worry. I was always worried he wasn’t getting enough to eat (why did he want to eat so often!) or that what I was eating or drinking might affect him. (How many diet coke’s should you drink? Probably none, right? So what about the two you just drank?) And it turns out he probably wasn’t getting as much in the afternoon as he wanted because he’s much less fussy now. But the doctor said he was getting plenty because he was sleeping 4-5 hours at night and gaining plenty of weight.
- Sore nipples. A month is a really long time to have sore nipples. And yes, he was latching on and eating correctly. I think just feeding him 30% of all waking hours made them sore. I’m sure eventually they would have toughened up.
Of course I have doubts and regrets. Most of them centered around the health benefits. Breastfeeding is supposed to help kids’ immunity and decrease their long term odds of obesity. Those are the two I worried about the most. But I’m confident that there are lots of other factors that also influence Caleb’s health and the two of us being happy is one of them! (I realized I never talked to him when I was nursing him except to wake him up continuously and to ask him if he was done yet. When I feed him a bottle I talk to him the whole time and it’s fun!)
I feel a little bit like I’m airing my personal diary in this post, but I wanted to make the information I found available to others and I wanted to add my own experience and decision to the pool of knowledge so that others might feel more comfortable making a decision one way or the other.
Another thing stormy – It’s not like you had mastitis or bad case of thrush repeatedly to even complain. There are many mums out there who go through all that and still breastfeed their babies. Shame on you!
Breastfeeding was extremely painful for me for the first three months. The first few days breastfeeding was more painful than labor. My breasts became engorged, but I couldn’t stand the pain of having the baby latch on. I saw a lactation consultant, who said I was doing everything right. I gave myself a break and bought a Medela pump. I pumped around the clock, which made me feel like I was missing the time with my baby.
I’m a nurse, and the truth is no human function is easy all the time. And breastfeeding has a learning curve. For the mom and for the baby.
I took a break from nursing for several weeks, and then started breastfeeding once a day, then twice a day, until I didn’t have to pump anymore-by three months.
My baby still nurses now at 15 months, and everything is going well. But, I can understand why some people stop early. For me, though, I’m glad I stuck it out a little while longer. The first months were torture, but now I have a happy baby who has only been sick twice so far.
And that’s what it’s all about. However you get there, we are all just trying to raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted little girls and boys.
Every woman’s experience is unique. No one else can tell you how much you can tolerate. But if breastfeeding is important to you, make sure you have seen a lactation consultant or two and that you have gotten support from other women who are breastfeeding.
Breastmilk is very good for your baby, and will probably shorten some illnesses and prevent a few colds or some diarrhea. But formula doesn’t hurt the babies–it just doesn’t have any of the “extras”.
It’s just one of many decisions we all have to make. Should we work or should we stay home? Where should we send our child to school? What should my little boy eat for lunch today?
Breastfeeding it a good decision, but it’s not the only decision we all have to make that affects the happiness and security of our babies. It is probably not going to be the deal breaker.
This post, and most of the comments to it make me sad. I am not a special person, I am not a strong person, and I DEFINITELY do not have a high pain tolerance. But I breastfeed. It is not only best for my child, but it is best for my own health.
Pain? I know all about it. I have had mastitis seventeen times, and have required surgery for it once. I am really alarmed at the number of women who are STOPPING because they have “recurrent” mastits in just a few weeks. For one, it is not recurring, it was just never treated properly, so it never went away. And second, weaning is the WORST way to treat mastitis — unless you like the idea of having recurring infections for a lifetime.
I have dealt with most of the so-called “problems” in these comments. Honestly, most of these “problems” are simply normal things that happen to everybody.
I wanted to type more, but my toddler is waking up, and he needs to nurse.
I did not have the easiest time with breastfeeding. I had an emergency C-section and it was several hours before I got to nurse my daughter for the first time. We’ve had our problems. I’ve had mastitis twice, thrush, sore nipples and supply issues. I also have flat nipples. I’ve nursed through all this, as well as the flu, 2 stomach bugs, and a massive kidney infection that landed me in the hospital. It was hard, but I stuck with it. I am still nursing my now 16 month old daughter.
No one ever said breastfeeding was easy. Being a parent is hard at times too. Are you going to give that up too?
I don’t get it. How is nursing inconvenient?
Which takes more time – preparing and warming a bottle of formula or letting your infant to latch on and get it already warm, straight from the tap?
I have to say to everyone that has quit or that is trying to quit. All of you are VERY selfish. Just because formula is out there being propogated by the formula companies to make you spend money on their crap then in turn making you spend money on their medicine products because your baby is constipated, sick, has a cold, fever…….. doesn’t mean you have to buy into it.
My son was breastfed for over 2 years. My son contacted Meningitis at 3.5 years. He should have died. HE DIDN’T! Why didn’t he? Because I sacrificed for my children. NONE of you are willing to do that. His doctors say that he should have died but he didn’t because I breastfed him. Just wait until your child gets an illness that formula doesn’t protect against because you didn’t give your baby an immune system to protect it.
You are selfish, you are all ignorant, you need to get over yourselves and actually do what GOD and NATURE gave you. We are mammals because we have mammary glands. We produce milk for our offspring. Our babies are NOT baby cows. We should NOT be drinking milk from another species. If your child suffers from asthma, try cutting ALL dairy out of their diet. You will see that it will have an effect on your child.
Why do we have so many immuinzations in the first 2 years of life? Because for the past 150 years, mothers have not been breastfeeding their babies. A baby gets it immunity from its mother. So if you skipped 4 generations of getting immunities from your mom, grandma, great-grandma, great-great-grandma….. then you won’t be protected against an illness they were exposed to but didn’t die from.
Stop living inside your conveinent little box and actually stop giving excuses for why you HAVE to quit. SUCK IT UP! If you are not willing to sacrifice for your children, then kill them now to protect them from all the “bad things” in life. Hey why you are at it, why don’t you cut off your breasts? Since you are not using them for what GOD and NATURE intended for them!!! Breasts are NOT sex objects even though the media says they are. Oh and if hubby wants to “suck on your breasts” while having sex, put a bottle of formula, ie SHIT, in his mouth or give him a pacifier to soothe him.
I am so happy i found a site that supports moms that wish to stop breastfeeding. My baby is a little over 3 weeks, and we have been through a lot with breastfeeding. We’ve had troubles since her birth, difficulty latching, sore, cracked and bleeding nipples, cranky baby, and lots of tears on both parts!!! It has been a very difficult 3 weeks, but today i have made the decision to stop and build a better relationship with my precious newborn. When i was breastfeeding, she cried heavily everytime because she could not latch properly, this also made me feel imcompetent in my part. I can relate to many of the comments that i read, and this makes me feel less lonely. Thanks to everyone who shared their story, because it is positive support that a new mother needs. Thank you again!!!
I have been attempting to breastfeed my son for the last three weeks. He still isn’t up to his birthweight (or even close), despite the fact he’s generally feeding every 2.5 to 3 hours, for an hour at a time. I have changed my diet to try to get more protein in my milk, and the midwife is coming tomorrow to weigh him, but I’m not optimistic as he doesn’t look substantially bigger. I decided today that whatever the outcome I will decrease BF’s to 2 feeds a day (if that doesn’t make me dry up) and the rest will be formula. When I had my daughter, who is 3, my milk never came in, so after a week, as she was losing weight constantly, I switched to formula. She piled on the weight, and is now a very healthy toddler. It’s taken me about a week of basically crying my eyes out constantly to make this decision, but after having my daughter say to me, in tears, ‘why don’t you play with me any more, mummy?’, and the fact that I have started to dread (and what’s even worse for me) resent having to nurse my son, and the constant worry about whether he is ok and what exactly he’s getting from me, I am sure this is the right decision. Hopefully the 2 feeds will provide him with enough breastmilk, but if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. My daughter never got that, and as I said before, she’s fine.
SO… to all you breast nazi’s (or mammary mafia, as I prefer to think of it) who have decided to post on this site even though our decisions are really NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS… if you want to think I’m a quitter, go ahead. I have no reason to believe that my son won’t be as healthy as my daughter is, and both my husband and myself were also formula fed and hey, guess what? We are both fine! I don’t spend most of my time hospitalised, and neither does he. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even get most of the common childhood diseases. Oh yeah, and when my daughter got chicken pox, was she rushed to intensive care? Did we need to call an ambulance? No. She was poorly for about 4 days and had 15 (yes, fifteen) spots. And that was it. Obviously she’ll probably spontaneously combust later in life through lack of breastmilk antibodies, but I’ll save my guilt before it happens. And another thing, especially for Dagny. If you’re so mad keen on GOD and NATURE, I sure as hell hope that you are living in a wattle and daub hut and cooking over an open fire. Natural, right? And what the hell do you think you’re doing using a computer? God’ll be very cross. And presumably you make your own clothes from animal hide too. Because, and I realise this may be news, electricity, sewing machines, bricks, man made fibres and all that other good stuff were INVENTED BY US, just like formula. AND…just like special care baby units, C- Sections, epidurals, and all the things which make us much less likely to die when we give birth. Or do you think that not dying in agony because you are unable to deliver your baby is ‘selfish and ignorant’ as well.
Anyhoo, sorry to babble, but what I really mean to say is that if you don’t like my decision then BITE ME. Or, considering the subject under discussion, maybe SUCK ME would be more appropriate…
Oh yeah, and two other things.
1. My husband just told me that he was half hoping that tomorrow, when the midwife comes, our son wouldn’t have put on that much weight, as it would force the issue and make me bottlefeed anyway. He can’t deal with the fact I’ve been so completely unhappy.
2. And this is no word of a lie. My friend knows someone who has three children. Two of them were bottlefed, one breastfed. Two are very healthy, but one has asthma, ezecma and all sorts of food allergies. Guess which one? The breastfed one. And I repeat, this is completely true.
Add me to the people struggling with breastfeeding. I am so grateful for this post and that there are other women who are not part of the “mammary mafia” who make it sound like either an all hearts and bubbles experience or cannot wait to share their stories of sacrifice and strife to earn their Breastfeeding Martyr badge. And despite my raised hackles, I really hate that somehow this has turned into another way to divide women rather than supporting each others’ choices or working towards solutions that are beneficial to all of us.
I have to go back to work. I cannot continue to feed my child every two hours for 40 minutes to an hour and still have a job. My job is how we afford things like health insurance–my husband is self-employed and his pay is not regular. If the World Health Organization and the APA wants women to breastfeed for 6-12 months–then where they need to focus their attention now is getting employers to provide reasonable maternity leave and not a little closet in which to pump. The toll breastfeeding takes is a real one in terms of lack of sleep, the increased need for food, and the efforts to maintain a healthy diet. Toss in another child or two and a minimum of a 40 hour work week, and that goal is just not all the reasonable.
Right now, my son ONLY views me as a food source. If I hold him, he wants to eat or things he should be eating soon-the smiles, the playing, the hanging out? Dad gets all of that. The grandparents get all of that. Anyone else who holds him gets all of that. And I don’t get the happy blissed out “ain’t motherhood grand?” feeling from breastfeeding that many women seem to. I feel put upon, it ranges from painful to merely unpleasant, and I can’t get a blessed other thing done in my life because my sole purpose now is feeding my child. And I don’t enjoy it. And I wonder how much that might be affecting him.
I haven’t quit yet because of the benefits of breastfeeding, which I have to admit, I’ve begun to question. Both my husband and I were formula fed. We’re both college graduates, and I have a doctorate. My husband’s never been hospitalized and I’ve only been hospitalized twice–once to have my adenoids out and once to have my son. Neither one of us is on any kind of medication or have any chronic health problems of any kind. We both of excellent relationships with our mothers who are active and caring grandmothers now.
I stumbled upon this site while looking for a way to wean my 14 month old. I didn’t find that, but what I did find is a very interesting bunch of comments. Breastfeeding is hard, period. I nursed my first daughter until she was 13 months old and then she weaned herself, even though one of my nipples is inverted, she latched right on and everything went very well. My nipples were very sore, but I dealt with it. My second daughter was the exact opposite, she would latch on and then not being patient enough for my milk to let down, start screaming bloody murder. I actually had to use one of the supplement tubes just so she would get something to eat right away, this went on for about 3 weeks. It was horrible, I really hated it and I probably would have stopped but I had nursed my other daughter for over a year and it was so easy I knew that eventually all would be all right. And it was, it took about 2 months before we could breastfeed comfortably, but we did it.
Now I don’t agreed with the breast nazis saying that you are weak or a bad parent if you feed with formula, I think that is a personal decision and that it is nobodys business but your own. Everyone has their own reasons for whatever they decide to do. I just wanted to share my reasons for nursing for as long as I did with my kids. I almost wish that it was something as noble as giving them the health benefits or bonding, but sadly it is not. I am just too cheap to spend good money on formula when I produce the stuff for free. I know that is probably the most pathetic reason ever, but it’s true. With formula costing upwards of $100 a month, more when they are older I just couldn’t stomach that, so I stuck with it even though it was horrible. I really don’t understand what the uproar is all about, if you want to pay for formula more power to ya. I don’t go to lll meetings because of that reason, they are all crazy organic freaks. Me, I am just a cheapskate. Anyhow whatever you decide to do that is nobodys business but yours. Whatever can be done to make parenthood happier I am all for, whether it is breat or bottle.
Thanks for this, i went cold turkey after 5 weeks, i tried the weening thing but she wants to feed every 1hr even at night and i was so exhausted i couldnt pump anymore. i am sitting her in pain with a sports bra on and probably matistis, it is killing me, plus before i stopped feeding i would get clogged ducts the miracle times she ate 3 hrs instead. She seems happier overall on the bottle but i free that i may have to change formulas or shell get a cold and it will be my fault. I hope someone helps write a book about this emotional crap.
How wonderful it is to find other mums out there that are going through the same feelings and emotions I am … thank GOD – I’m not alone. Just wanted to say thankyou for producing this site for all of us “indecisive” mums who, just for their own sanity and ability to “ENJOY” their babies choose to give away with the boob and go the bottle. My 3rd little daughter is now 5mths old and my reasoning for going the bottle unfortunately wasn’t just through choice – after our 4mth needles I was devastated to find out from the Dr that she hadn’t gained anymore than 0.75Kg in the last 2mths… obviously it was something wrong with me… I was told “you’ve certainly got the quantity”, just not the quality” BOY, imagine how worthless i felt!!!so of course, I cried and I got angry and I get fed up with the whole entire idea.. But thankfully, my gorgeous husband came to the rescue and made me realise, that HAPPINESS is best for baby – NOT BREAST – why in the hell don’t they tell all new mum’s that … sorry, as you’ve mentioned – just airy my dirty laundry, but some days you just get so fed up with the blasting in your ear by so called “lactation consultants” to just keep trying… mind you, i’m sure many of the consultants i’ve endured haven’t even had kids!!
But through sure want of happiness for both myself and bubbie, I’ve gone the bottle, and I’ve never seen so many smiles on my beautiful little blue-eyed girl’s face before…
For whatever you choose – may your babies smile at you with pure happines!! (only you know what’s best for your baby)
I had lots of pain from engorgement and have to share my heaven sent mama must find … and especially for those that are looking to stop or even know they aren’t breastfeeding…say goodbye to frozens peas and cabbage leaves…I loved the LaMa Bra
http://www.lamabra.com
Good luck and enjoy ladies…it is surely your choice 🙂
I just wanted to say thank you for having great information for those of us that have stopped or are thinking of stopping breastfeeding. My 2nd son is 5 weeks old and I’m having the same issue that I had with my first. I’m lucky if I get 1 oz of breastmilk every 3-4 hours from pumping. I know that neither of them were getting enough and had both of them on formula from the 3rd day. Stopping for me is still a guilty thing though. I want to give them the best. What I’ve realized is that my milk wasn’t the best thing for them…. they need more. They are both thriving! I have a very healthy 2 1/2 year old that hasn’t been sick other than a cold when he was 9 months old… and that was his only one! We have a great relationship and he loves being able to help feed his baby brother.
To all of you out there that aren’t sure, it is purely your decision. Don’t let anyone tell you how you feel or what to do. You are the only one that knows what is right for you and your baby. Enjoy this time with your baby, regardless of your decision! Bonding doesn’t only happen by breastfeeding… look at all those dad’s out there that have all bonded with their babies too!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Not only to Stormy for originating this post but also to all the other women who have shared their stories. I have 3 month old twins, born six weeks premature. They were given formula in the NICU until my milk came in, and then were exclusively breast fed after that. At about 4 weeks of age (they came home at 2 weeks) we began supplementing with formula overnight. I recently (yesterday) decided to transition to all formula. And the self-imposed guilt is overwhelming!
My mother, husband, and others are very encouraging in this decision to wean. I have not enjoyed breastfeeding from the beginning. And one of my girls screams almost every time she nurses, but takes a bottle just fine. Sometimes they will both scream as I try to nurse tandem. Also, next week I will begin to watch the 17 month old daughter of friends as we need extra money. Nursing both my girls while taking care of a toddler seems next to impossible to me.
I cannot explain how helpful it is to find this post. I understand that breastmilk is best, but it is not good for babies to have a stressed-out, unhappy mommy. Just leads to stressed-out, unhappy babies. I think nursing twins for 3 months is excellent. I believe we will all be happier with formula. After reading all of your stories I do not feel so alone. I do not feel like I am a bad mother who is giving up what is best for her babies for selfish reasons. What is best for my babies is getting the best of ME as their mommy. It is not right for anyone to judge another’s mothering decisions. All of us who have posted here are the best mommies for our babies. The concern that we have over their health and well-being, as well as our own, demonstrates that fact. I say congratulations to us all for raising our babies the best and happiest way we can! And a thousand thank-yous for all the stories.
thanks for this post — i am floored by how difficult it has been to find information on both sides of the issue. everytime i look for info to review the pluses and minuses of my options, i can only find the pro-breast feeding and end up in tears with fear that i will deeply regret giving up.
at 42 years old, this will be my only pregnancy and we had to go through a lot of fertility help to get here. my twin sons were born 2.5 weeks ago at 34 weeks. they have been home from the NICU for almost a week now … fortunately they had NO serious health issues. just needed time to learn to suck and to grow a bit.
well learn to suck formula from a bottle they DID. and my husband and I have been total psychos about measuring every intake. with the overall daily management of our new lives, i can only pump enough for about half their feedings. and my supply has dwindled with the indecision. it’s as if my body knows that i am debating the use of my milk. the reduction in supply has compounded the issue even more. it might be a different decision if there was enough milk to supply 80% of their feedings even if via bottle.
and you all know the LC’s advice … put the babies on the breast and nursing will fix the supply. the pediatrician said they are strong enough for 1-2 feedings at the breast per day.
well this is tremendously confusing while we still need to supplement with formula. i had to ask my mom to leave the house for a week as just having another person around me at the moment is compounding getting to the root of what i really want and think is best for all four of us.
though he is an RN, the pumping and bottle cleaning is making my husband really on the side of quitting. we both are enjoying parenting this little treasures SO much. My husband has been a total dreamboat through everything. i will never forget getting out of recovery from the c-section and seeing him changing the littlest baby’s diaper through the portholes of the incubator.
there are so many MORE THINGS to taking care of these guys than just the boobie.
i am on the fence today with fear. will i regret not even trying to get through what i know is the tough training and transition time. should i hire a doula to come to the house and teach me how to bf these two boys? or should i just do what is easiest and known to both my husband and I and be done with the issue by the end of the holiday weekend and MOVE ON to being a happy family together?
signed going nuts in portland ore.
I found this site when i was trying to research on how to stop breastfeeding, i have a 3 month old little girl who was 6 weeks early and spent one week in the nicu, i straight breast fed for the first month and then started to do both formula and breast jus because i wasnt producing enough milk and my little girl can eat lol, anywho i decided i wanted to stop because im hypoglycemic and ill admit my diet isnt perfect, because of that breastfeeding is taking alot out of me emotionally and pysically, my daughter stays up all night so im trying to catch up on sleep during the day so i dont really eat much or drink as much as i should, i feel really quilty about stopping but i also need to put my health in perspective, im losing too many calories and not getting enough in. i didnt breastfeed my first because she couldnt latch on and now shes a healthy 5yr old, im thankful i was able to breastfeed my 3 month old this long…
I found this site when i was trying to research on how to stop breastfeeding, i have a 3 month old little girl who was 6 weeks early and spent one week in the nicu, i straight breast fed for the first month and then started to do both formula and breast jus because i wasnt producing enough milk and my little girl can eat lol, anywho i decided i wanted to stop because im hypoglycemic and ill admit my diet isnt perfect, because of that breastfeeding is taking alot out of me emotionally and pysically, my daughter stays up all night so im trying to catch up on sleep during the day so i dont really eat much or drink as much as i should, i feel really quilty about stopping but i also need to put my health in perspective, im losing too many calories and not getting enough in. i didnt breastfeed my first because she couldnt latch on and now shes a healthy 5yr old, im thankful i was able to breastfeed my 3 month old this long…
Funny how those who are radically in favour of BF are so violent and intolerant about others using other alternatives. I wonder how tolerant and flexible they will be with their poor babies…
Firstly i would like to say thankyou for creating this website, I have just stumbled across it. There is much information on how to breastfeed of which proberbly influenced me of somewhat but none on how to stop!.
I am a 21 year old women who has been breastfeeding my little girl for 6months now, I am due back to work soon and really want to stop breastfeeding, how do i stop?, ive been told to just stop straight the way and to grin and bare the pain, but i carnt i always give in as its such a relief when my daughter (emptys) me as my breasts are that much engourged its painfull to the point when im crying!!! do i drop feeds? as i only feed her at night and in the morning on me and the rest of her feeds are by bottle, i was fortunate enough for (paige) to conbine breast+bottle of which many women struggle with. Dont get me wrong i love it as we bond but i have no choice but to stop, was’nt there a tablet that you could take years ago that would dry your milk up?? please please please help me with your advice.
Hi I have been breastfeeding for two years and I remember the first few months were extremely hard but like learning to ride a bike something clicked and the next year and nine months were amazing in terms of bonding and helping my little girl get through illnesses etc. I am a midwife and I meet women all the time who try and try because its what they want to do not because its the best, but for some it sometimes just doesnt seem to happen for what ever reasons. As a woman in a feminist world then the midwife form newzealand shouldnt put other women on a guilt trip. I am reading this page because I have stopped breastfeeding cold turkey and am looking for other womens experiences and not to judge others.I must agree it appears to be something that is less talked about than starting breastfeeding so I will now be adding the subject to my postnatal care.
I found this site because I have just recently stopped breast feeding my 6 month old…My baby was born at 30 weeks and spent 9 weeks in the Nicu, during which time I pumped religiously every 2-3 hours…it was a stressful time worrying about my baby but the pumping just about put me over the edge. I was barely producing enough to feed him and they were supplementing him with formula. The entire hospital staff really promoted breastfeeding, and they convinced my husband that it was the only way to feed our baby. Once our baby came home I was able to breastfeed and bottle feed him, which was necessary because I never produced enough to satisfy him, even after trying fenugreek which just made me stink and my OBGYN prescribed Reglan, which did nothing…I went through one episode of thrush which was so painful I really wanted to stop breastfeeding but everyone around me made me feel way too guilty. The thrush went away after a few days with a perscription, even though my baby never showed any signs. I also had blisters, which did eventually go away after about a month. The breastfeeding never got easier, and I really hated it everytime for the first three/four months, after that it got a lot easier, but I feel just as bonded with my baby when we bottle feed. I hate all of these people out there judging us moms that have a hard time breastfeeding. It is not an easy thing to do, and though I know it is the best thing for the baby, we need to keep our sanity. I have now breastfed and bottle fed for the last 6 months, and I am finally quitting breastfeeding. I am not in pain, but I have very slowly stopped, and for about two weeks, I only did it once a day. I find plenty of times during the day and night to bond with my baby and neither of us seem to be missing nursing. I hope this helps because I wish someone had told me not to listen to all those people who make you feel guilty for not producing enough milk, or for not breastfeeding, because have you looked at formulas lately, we have done well with Similac’s Neosure…
well im just glad to say that this is an awsome web site i felt really guilty about stopping at 4 weeks considering i was so amanent about sticking to breast feeding.
all i really have to say is do what makes you happy i was absolutly misserable for the first 4 weeks i was slipping into depression and i cryed every night. now that we are on formula i am so much happier so is daddy because he can feed her too. thank you so much for this web site it makes me realize im not the only one.
I just wanted to say hallelujah! to your blog. It makes me feel so much better to know that I am not the only one with these feelings. This is my 3rd child and it is so difficult to manage my time with the other two, while I am breastfeeding 30% of my waking hours (like you said.) The hardest part is knowing that breastfeeding is BEST for my baby’s physical well-being, but I am having to consider what is best for the emotional well being of myself and my other two children as well. The guilt of quitting breastfeeding is minor compared to the relief I feel when it only takes 10-15 minutes to feed the baby a bottle as opposed to 30-45 minutes to nurse her and even then, not being certain that she’s full. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. I think we should all get an A for effort!
Hi,
Thanks for posting this. You are right – there is so much info about establishing breastfeeding yet so little about stopping. I stopped nursing my 9 month old last week when he cut his first tooth and was nipping me. This was my third child, and the first I was able to nurse past one week – they so underestimate how much pain your nipples are in. I made my partner rush out and get bottles on the night we came home from the hospital as I thought I couldn’t go through with it, and then it ended up I nursed on only one breast and topped the baby up with formula. It didn’t hurt the other two, and it allowed other people (grandmother, sister, father etc) to also bond with this delicious bundle. The most important thing is that they are loved. Good on you!
Being a man I never realized all the things involved for women,but I support any womens decision one way or another It all centers around personal choice and a mother knows best.
I would firstly like to say that I agree totally with the comment posted by ‘Thankful Mom’ on Sept 11th. PLEASE LOOK BACK ON THIS COMMENT – ITS VERY ENLIGHTENING!
Seriously, if you are having problems breastfeeding, please look back on this post that has incredibly accurate practical information. I am a nurse myself.
But ignore the comment made afterwards by Tipper on Sept 30th. People like that would actually discourage you from Breastfeeding at all!
I do agree breastfeeding does not come automatically nataurally to a lot of women, and I was definitely one of them!
I like so many others went through that period of hating it as it was making me so miserable at the start, it felt like one problem after another, problems latching, desperately sore nipples that i couldn’t even touch for 8 weeks, Mastitis etc. etc.
But I persevered, mainly due to a great friend of mine who is a midwife, who I had on the phone every other day, giving me much needed practical advice and support. She gave me the determination to go on. – Literally a day at a time. And she was able to dispel lots of myths out there about bf. I really believe if there could be a BREASTFEEDING HOTLINE out there, things could be so much easier on new moms. There is so much mis-information out there. Its so sad to see it and moms out there finally giving in cause they are so confused, exhausted and frustrated and probably in pain!
I think i cried for the first 6 weeks but am so glad i persisted for the sake of my 6 month old son. (He had been exposed to a few bugs and flus, and hasnt got sick at all.) BF finally became a pleasure after 8 weeks of hardship. And I never thought I would say but ‘I love it now’ We’re still going, and I hope to continue until I go back to work when he’s 9 months old.
I do feel incredibly sorry for women who have to go back to work before baby is 6 months old, because it must be very hard to combine both.
If I could reassure the distraught ‘guilty’ women out there – it would be to say, believe in the amazing ability of your own body, and your baby’s and get as much support and correct information as you can. We both were really meant to do this! I do think it is a bottlefeeding culture we’re in now, and I know I am almost made to feel bad when I tell people that I’m still bf. They say to me,’thats long enough, would you not give up by now’People feel uncomfortable about it for some reason. I dont feel theres enough genuine support from family and friends at times.
I dont mean to put down moms that are having problems, cause I was there only a few months ago, butI had to tell myself, Motherhood is in some form a sacrifice, and this was about my baby and not me, and it will get easier! At the same time, I do not condemn any woman who gives up. I just wish that she could have received the same support and information as me.
Ps. But I would love to encourage you to try one more day.
by the way, See above comment. my name came up as Paul R Bain Jnr for some reason. Dont know who that is????
My name is Didi, and I am a woman!!!!
Didi, your name is underneath the post. It’s confused a number of people – I’ll have to see if I can change it. Thanks!
wow! you have helped me alot in my decision to stop breastfeeding..alot of women say o there’s such an emotional bond when you breastfeed…but i don’t feel it..does that make me a bad mom? and it’s time consuming..and for once i would like someone to say “she’s hungry i’ll get a bottle and not “mom! she’s hungry…great now i have to get out the boob..it’s only been 3 weeks and they say the first 2 are the absolute best.so i feel i have done good enough..my first son wasn’t breastfed and he’s never sick! and is very healthy and is where a 5 year old boy should be..i feel our world is more advanced these days that formula is just as good as breast milk..so thank you!! now i just need to find out HOW to quit breastfeeding 🙂
I could have written this web page- I am glad I am not the only one out there feeling this way!
It’s such a relief to know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I have been nursing my son for almost 2 weeks, and I just have not enjoyed it like I thought I would. I feel so guilty for feeling this way because there is so much pressure to breastfeed these days.
I was formula fed though and I rarely get sick and have no allergies, so that gives me a little less guilt about deciding to quit.
I haven’t decided yet when I will quit, but it will definelty be before I go back to work. I was going to pump, but that will be just as time consuming if not more than breasfeeding. My son’s pedi is supportive of me switching to formula before I go back to work, so that is good.
Thanks for posting your thoughts.
I, too, am feeling the same way and was very relieved to find this site and see that others feel the same way.
My son is about 3 1/2 weeks old and got his first formula yesterday. I had an extremely hard time deciding that I was going to wean because I felt like it made me a bad mother, but I hated breastfeeding. I know we are supposed to love it, but it’s been miserable for me.
I hope that the switch to formula won’t cause me to get any breast infections. Anyone who can offer advice on how they did it would be greatly appreciated!
i found this website because my 20 mo. old is showing no sighns of stopping the bfeeding. Nursing came really easy for her, because she’s my 2nd.
my first weaned herself before a year,.(I actually persisted with the breastfeeding despite the painful nipples mostly because of my Mother in Law! she acted like my baby was starving and she was butting into my life, so i ws bound and determined to breast feed to spite her!) she actually wasnt’ getting enough dairy as an older baby adn I had to supplement her with formula. she hated it, so I had to add juice to it. I had to feed her cheese adn yogurt, which took her a while to get used to. I didn’t know she wasn’t getting enough dairy until she was around 10 months and underweight. I felt so guilty! But fortunatley she gained some weight with the extra dairy and she’s just a really small person.
My youngest is now almost 2 and she’s very attached to my boobs. I refuse to give it too her in public. She embarrases me by lunging at my chest when she’s tired. I feel pressure from others to stop because “before You know it she’ll be 5 and still at it!” I don’t see what the big deal is if the just nurses at night and before naps. I’m torn. Part of me wants to stop adn part of me doesnt’ mind, because this is the only way we cuddle and I’m not planning on having any more children.
anyone else have this problem?
Melissa,
The World Health Organization actually recommends that you breastfeed your child until they are at least two years old. (And many societies breastfeed for far longer than that.) So if your 20 month old wants to breastfeed, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
That said, American society isn’t very comfortable with breastfeeding toddlers so I’m sure it’s a challenge! I have a very brave aunt who just fed her two year old wherever and acted like it was the most normal thing in the world.
Good luck! Remember that the staring public does NOT know what’s best. You and your daughter know best.
Stormy
Stormy,
Do you have any suggestions on what brand of bottles and nipples to use? I got some Platex Ventaire bottles at my shower and I tried using those and they didn’t work out too well. It was coming out too fast for him.
Thanks,
Kelly
Kelly,
I really like the Gerber nipples. I started out with the slow ones with 3 holes and eventually moved to the medium ones.
Later I tried to move to the fast ones and gave it up – the milk just pours out. I figured it was better just to let him take longer to finish his bottle than to drown him!
One of my friends had triplets and she swore by these bottles that didn’t let any air in. They look really weird like they have a bottle in the bottle. (I wasn’t sure where to put the formula.) She said that way they never got gas.
Stormy
Anyone that does not want to breastfeed or is ready to stop MUST try the LaMa Bra. Designed for women that don’t breastfeed, but helps so many breastfeeding moms I know with engorgement and also mastitis
you can order thru most doctor offices or lactation consultants or at http://www.lamabra.com
love to see this support site 🙂
I can’t thank you enough for posting this – and for others sharing their stories of stopping breastfeeding as well. I have searched and searched the internet only to feel like I am a horrible mother for wanting to quit. I have an 8 week old who hasn’t minded formula/bm switch as I have supplemented at night and other various times. I have pumped plenty and think I will just add it to his formula until it is all gone. Our lives seem to be a little simpler and I feel like I can enjoy my time with him as opposed to always trying to find time to pump. Now when he naps I can do all of the things I need to. I have to feel a lottle accomplished everyday!
So thank you to everyone for making me feel normal and not like a horrible failure of a mom. At least I bf for 8 weeks – right!?!?!?
I posted earlier–we did stop breastfeeding at 3 months, and I got treatment for anxiety/depression–not necessarily PPD as I have a history of depression and my family has a history of anxiety and depression.
I don’t regret my choice. My son never noticed a difference. I am so much happier, and I’m enjoying my son so very much. The meds I’m on can’t be taken if you are breastfeeding, but I know there are meds that are compatible. If anyone struggling with this is also feeling other symptoms of depression–get help. Fortunately, I had a husband who knew my history and knew when to say “It’s time to get help.”
I’m back at work, my happiest moments are playing with my son and enjoying my family, really–after what i’ve been through breastfed vs. not is inconsequential. Do what will make you the best mother you can be. For some of us, that means NOT breastfeeding. And as I said earlier, as a hale and hearty formula-fed baby myself with a post-graduate degree, don’t buy into the hype you are dooming your child.
I posted earlier–we did stop breastfeeding at 3 months, and I got treatment for anxiety/depression–not necessarily PPD as I have a history of depression and my family has a history of anxiety and depression.
I don’t regret my choice. My son never noticed a difference. I am so much happier, and I’m enjoying my son so very much. The meds I’m on can’t be taken if you are breastfeeding, but I know there are meds that are compatible. If anyone struggling with this is also feeling other symptoms of depression–get help. Fortunately, I had a husband who knew my history and knew when to say “It’s time to get help.”
I’m back at work, my happiest moments are playing with my son and enjoying my family, really–after what i’ve been through breastfed vs. not is inconsequential. Do what will make you the best mother you can be. For some of us, that means NOT breastfeeding. And as I said earlier, as a hale and hearty formula-fed baby myself with a post-graduate degree, don’t buy into the hype you are dooming your child.
I am so glad that I found this site. I had my daughter 7 weeks ago today. She did not have any trouble at all latching on. Everything went fine until she was about four weeks. At that time, she began getting sick (vomiting everywhere). My husband and I took her to the doctor and they said try this and try that. I did everything they asked of me (watching my diet carefully, sitting her up while eating, sitting her up for at least 30 more minutes when finished, mylicon drops in case she might be gasy (had trouble burping her and they thought it could be do to gas). We ending up going to the doctor 4 times within a 3 week period, plus they sent us to the hospital to have an ultrasound done on her stomach (they thought she could need surgery for closing muscles in her lower intestine). The ultrasound showed that was not the problem. I was staying up with her at night until 3am and getting maybe 1-3 hours of sleep a night. She always had her legs up under her in pain. Finally, I said enough is enough and thought we ae going to need to see a specialist or something is going to have to give. I called my mom who then told me she really thinks it is my breastmilk (because I had similar problems when I was born). She told me to stop breast feeding for three days and to only pump for a few minutes to relieve the pressure when I was becoming engorged. Sure enough my daughter seems to be much more relaxed and less gassy. However, I enjoyed breastfeeding so much that it is hard for me and I have been crying for two days straight now. I know it is the best thing for the both of us (I became very skinny because I have been unable to eat many of the normal foods such as dairy, lettuce, cabbage, etc.)I guess I am doing the right thing but I feel like I am letting myself and her down (BUT SHE IS HEALTHIER). Thanks
My daughter will be 2 weeks old this friday and I have decided to quit breast-feeding. She has breast milk jaundice, meaning there is a chemical in my milk that prevents her bilirubin levels to come down to a normal level. So, the pediatrician said to alternate breast feeding with the formula feedings. But I just can’t see the sense in continuing to give her breast milk that is making her sick. So I switched her over to formula, she is taking to it well and her bilirubin levels are on thier way down. HOWEVER…my breasts are so sore and I am having a very difficult time with engorgement. I am concerned about breast infections and just can’t tolerate this pain. What should I do??
Thank you for this site and thank everyone for your posts; they have truly helped me….
I find it sad that women have struggled for options and choice, and we are vilified for exercising them – especially by other women. Breastfeeding may have worked for thousands of years and in other cultures, but that is because there is a basic cultural difference- time and support. We lack that in our society and culture. We are expected to be and do everything and at the same time, suckle young until they are five years old (according to some). For those who can and choose to breastfeed- great for you; but as women, respect the decision of those who can’t or choose not to. Just as you have fought for and are fighting for your breastfeeding rights, don’t turn around and vilify those of us who can’t or choose not to…
Did anyone have any problems with getting your child to take formula? My son is 6 weeks old and I am trying to wean him before I go back to work in 3 weeks. We started about a week ago and at first he took to the formula just fine, even from me. Now he won’t take the formula from me or my husband, so I give in and give him the breast. Any tips an making the transition easier?
A little selfish and egotistical. the babe didnt ask to come into the world. your time and sore nipples? get over it.
Annette, I really wanted my baby to come into the world and I want him to have the best possible life. In order for him to have a happy life, I think he needs a happy, healthy mom.
Thanks so much for your post. I had the same issue – I couldn’t find anything on the web that supported moms who felt that they did what they could to breastfeed their child, but decided to stop for whatever reason. My reasons were exactly the same as yours with worry being my number one concern. Since my daughter started nursing using a nipple shield, I had problems with my supply. My daughter was also vey gassy and that led to cutting out certain foods in my diet. Reading these posts and your blog allowed me to feel okay with my decision not to breastfeed. It definitely is a difficult decision and I agree with the other posters that it has to be a happy experience for both mom and babe! Thanks again!
my daughter is now 7 months old. I have breast fed her till now. It is a very hard decision to give up but she got teeth a month or so ago and regularly bites me. This is the most painfull thing ever. I have been looking for advice on how to go about stopping feeding and there isnt much. This is a good site and good to share others experience. I have been feeding her less myself this week and have felt tearful – oh those hormones !!!!
Thanks